AIBU to refuse weekly lifts to a neighbour's hospital appointments?

[IGotDreams]

We have lived in our house for 4 years and know the neighbours to say hello to, taken a parcel in for them occasionally, we chat sometimes but we don’t know them well. We are friendly but not friends. We are busy with work, kids and general life.

One of the neighbours has asked if we can take her to a hospital appointment once every week for the next 4 weeks. One of their adult children can apparently bring her home.

Technically we could do it if we moved things around without too much difficulty, but as we don’t know her well, we said no. She looked shocked when we said we couldn’t help and she walked away without saying goodbye.

I mentioned it to my parents in passing last week and they said I should have said I’d help but I explained we are busy and she can make other arrangements. When I spoke to my parents last night, they asked me if I had changed my mind and was going to help the neighbour out. I said no and that we hadn’t even thought/spoke about it since as we are busy. My mum said I should be willing to help people more. I disagreed. We are busy and have enough going on with our own family and friends and that the neighbours aren’t my responsibility. In my neighbours situation, I wouldn’t ask for help from neighbours who we hardly know.

Would you have helped? I won’t be changing my mind and helping but wondered if people would generally be more helpful than me. I did say to my parents that they could help my neighbours out if they wanted to but apparently it isn’t there place to. They said they would do it for their own neighbours if asked.

YABU but only if you are a minicab company.

I would have helped out if I could. But if it clashed with school run etc. then it simply wouldn't be possible.

I voted YABU because I can't imagine how desperate I'd need to be to ask a neighbour I don't really know for a regular lift to the hospital.

There are neighbours I see once a year at another neighbour's annual christmas gathering. If Donna or Tony came and asked ME for a lift, I'd know that they'd exhausted other options and I'd step in.

Do you know why they asked you? What the condition is?

I voted YANBU, but I would if I could in this situation.

If your DM is so keen why doesn't she do it ?

It you have work and kids they cannot expect you to drop everything to help them.

In that situation however I probably am offering one lift to keep good neighbourly relations and it's a nice thing to do.

Yabu i would help a neighbour with a hospital appointment. Thats kind of what neighbours are for. Shes probably having chemotherapy.

But Ubers/public transport are available. She didn’t tell me what the condition is and I didn’t ask. It wouldn’t have altered my answer anyway.

I have plenty going on but I might have said well I can do it for this one week but I can’t do more than that. It never does any harm to help out and you could need them one day. I’d not commit to the whole lot though. I can’t help feeling they must be desperate to ask a neighbour they don’t really know. I’d feel so awkward asking.

I would, because I'm great friends with my NDN. However, if it was one of the neighbours across the street that I'm not as friendly with, then I don't know if I would.

Why can't her adult DC rearrange their schedules to take her, if they can happily pick her up?

If I could do it at 7am to be home before work, I would have. It would be a way to get to know them better and ask them for favours in future.

If the appointment was at 10am / another time that clashed with something I had to do it simply wouldn’t be possible and I’d explain that to her.

They’re not going to help you out with anything ever now eg bring your bins round when you’re away on holiday etc. Which may be fine for you but they’ll take that stand.

Yanbu. I helped a lady out once for a lift, i had a influx of messages constantly asking for lifts near enough daily for a month straight.

Of course I would help out my neighbours if I could possibly do so. Four lifts in four weeks isn’t exactly the end of the world.

Yanbu, why ask you in particular? That’s a massive assumption on her part that you don’t have work/school/ other important things to do.
the fact the neighbour looked shocked as if you owed it to her would have irritated me more than anything.
If it was a once off then I would have done it, but to commit to it every week is a big no from me.

She said they’re busy with work. I did say we were busy with work too. I think she was cheeky to ask.

She was shocked and rude when you said no? Surely she knew that no was likely to be the answer? I mean, clearly none of her adult children have been able to rearrange things to take her (I appreciate one is picking her up) so why would she be so expectant that a neighbour would?

Her rude response would make me firmer in my decision tbh. If I’d had to ask a neighbour I’d have been very much “I know this is a big favour, and if you can even do one of the weeks I’d be ever so grateful” and if they said no I’d be completely understanding!

ETA - given her slightly entitled attitude, I’d also worry that this would open the door to a lot more help being asked for

The neighbours adult children should pay for the parents taxi. If you said yes you could be setting yourself up to be expected to help in the future.
Of course it’s good to be kind and you might need help from your neighbours one day but you wouldn’t be able to ask them. It’s how you want to run your life really.

Why can’t they get a taxi or use one of the charities that drives the disabled sick or old to hospital appointments. My mother in law had some weird ‘war baby’ attitude to taxis and would refuse to use them on principle. However that principle meant she relied heavily on others to give her lifts ( something she never reciprocated) .

I wouldn't have said a straight no and I would have helped if I could after asking times, checking my schedule etc. I thinks it's kind for neighbours to support each other

If you can’t help because you have clashes then that’s not unreasonable at all. If you can’t help because you don’t believe in being neighbourly then I think that’s a bit unreasonable. I’ll be forever thankful for my parents neighbours that brought my mum to hospital for her chemo appointments- I live 7 hours away. It was so helpful and since then both her and I have been able to reciprocate in other ways. I help out where I can and my neighbours do the same for me.

I think we should all help each other out in this world. Life can be very tough. In your situation I would say yes to the neighbour.

Not only that but there will be a scheme of volunteers providing transport on their own cars for patients. Perhaps you could Google the scheme for your local hospital and point your neighbour in that direction.
OP, do any of your regular journeys take you past the hospital? If not, YANBU

I would never ask favours from a neighbour. We sort things ourselves or ask friends or family. When we’ve been really stuck, we have paid for help. I wouldn’t expect people I don’t know to do me favours.

I wouldn't do it for my neighbour. The only time he's ever done anything for me he wants paying for it. If you were friends with the neighbour it's completely different. That's what Uber/cabs are for.

I'd have said no too. I'd have been very kind but wouldn't have left room for doubt. I'd have probably suggested looking into hospital transport or voluntary hospital drivers which do exist. If I had a recommendation for a local taxi company I'd have mentioned it. I would have spent a few minutes helping her learn how to use the uber app if she hasn't used it before. But no, I wouldn't rearrange my life to be a taxi driver for a neighbour I don't know well.