AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

[Letfree]

Okay, new to having adult kids, no previous experience.
I have twin daughters who have just completed Alevels. Turned 18 in April.
What time are 18 year olds meant to be home? They are going clubbing with their friends as an after exams celebration and want to return at 5am! They say the clubs don't open before 12 or close until 4am and they'll need to travel back. Is this normal? Did your 18yo have a curfew? Could they just come back home the next day?

Aibu to think they should be home by midnight?

Before Alevels, they came home by 10pm most nights. They'll be going to uni this year and can do what they like then.

My parents were immigrants so I had a totally different childhood from most. I had to be home by 9pm most nights and it didn't seem strange to me at the time. When i went to uni, I went out but didn't really enjoy it much. I don't feel i missed anything. When I returned home, I was still back by 9pm at the very latest every night.

I'm a single mom so don't have anyone to discuss this with. My girls and their friends are pretty good kids. I don't want to restrict them but I don't want to abandon them either. I won't be worried as such, just want to do the right thing. Please tell me what you do.

Ffs curfew for an adult.
I was on a different thread and some are saying you cant leave a 16 year old on their own.
Now curfews for adults.

I mean this kindly some parents need to do so parenting classes.
Cut the apron strings early.
This is why many kids still live at home because they dont know what independence is, mummy and daddy will deal with it.

I’d left home by 18.
at 18 they can get married without parental consent, join the army, you ca’t impose a curfew!

what you can do is ask them to keep you informed about when they will be back, any change of plans etc.

They are adults , A levels are over. Midnight is a very unreasonable time for someone to get home after a night club!
Make sure they arrange to get home safely and that they have their keys and leave them to it.
My children are grown up now with family of their own but that's the attitude we took when they were that age. I couldn't sleep properly until I heard them come in but that was my problem not their's.

Adults don't need curfews and thats what they are adults if you enforce strict boundaries they will go absolutely wild at Uni when the freedom finally kicks in. So long as theres a text now and again you just have to let them go. Weve all laid awake at night worrying if theyre ok its just part of being a parent of a teen

Thing is with that is it will drive them away. They'll choose to sleep over s mates or get a cheap hotel which is sometimes cheaper than a taxi respect works both ways I respect they are adults snd want to enjoy life and they respect being quiet when getting home. One day you wont hear the slam of the door at 4am and the drunken giggling as they crawl up the stairs and you will actually miss it.

It's part of being a parent of adult children.
I tried very hard not to pass my anxiety onto my children or let it restrict their social lives. Because my mother in law's anxiety affected my husband when he was growing up.
I worried, couldn't relax and I didn't sleep well until they came home but accepted that was my problem not their's.

Jesus's let them live their lives they go mad for a while then once its out of their system they calm down. I allow is very controlling they are now adults and all you will do is drive them out quicker.

I know my kids would be out of here and not have the best relationship with me if I was like that. I love them staying here and know it won’t be long before they’re off so willing to maybe be woken up(which rarely happens) knowing they’ve had a good night and home safe

I used to stay until the clubs shut at 6am and then get a takeaway. I just had to leave a note on the table when I got home to say I was back if my parents weren’t already up.

You'll need to sleep eventually though, just go to bed, make sure she has a key and knows where the spare is, ensure she has a plan for getting home that's safe and then trust her. Its scary but it's necessary......

Mine is 17 he hasn't had a weekend or holiday curfew since GCSEs. He is often home after 2am. It's never been 4am, but as long as he texts me to say he's home I'm fine with that. If I wake up in the night I like to know he's home.

Once my eldest had finished A levels (wasn't 18 until the August), there was no curfew. However...he has to respect the rest of the house. I always wanted to know where he was going and expected time home. He was asked to text when he was in a taxi and if there was any difficulty getting a taxi, he would ring us rather than get in a car with someone who had been drinking / drugs.

They are adults, clubs open about 11pm, close at 3/4pm. Thats what i done back in the day. To be fair I had my own flat at 18. Totally normal, let them enjoy the next few years of their youth.

12 is ridiculous.

Yeah ofcourse I just can’t imagine making their social life about me and making them feel like they can’t live or do as they may want. Some young adults might be fine on a curfew but then others might not especially if their friends aren’t. To be honest my biggest worry isn’t about the time they come in it’s about the people in the country that want to harm women etc or cause fights with men/boys

When I was 18 I lived at university and did whatever I wanted. My parents didn’t have a curfew for me on the nights I stayed at home and I was 18 so long as I told them what time I was roughly coming home and so long as I texted if I wasn’t coming home

Mine are now 25 & 21, both mostly living away.
All I asked is that they sent a text to let me know if they were coming home.
Also, if arrangements changed let me know.
It worked reasonably well, clubs go on far later, really only starting when I was going to bed.
You will need to work with your girls, & decide, if they can’t get a cab, can they phone you?
It’s a challenging time, but lovely to know they have nice friends and a good social life.
I love having adult children.

Good god let them have a good time. As soon as I left school at 16 for college, I was out till 3am.

They’re adults. They shouldn’t have a curfew at all. If you wanted to set rules about coming home, that should have been done before they turned 18. The fact that you had to be home by 9 p.m. as a child doesn’t matter now — it was a different time. They’re going to university in September, yet you haven’t given them the independence they’ll need to function in the adult world.

Oh I read one last year a lady asking about leaving her 15 minding her10 year old while her and hubby went to evening parties of wedding for 4-5 hours. Some absolute crazy OTT woman replied saying there’s absolutely no way she would even leave her 17 (2 months from 18) 15 and 12 year old home alone that she’d have an adult minding them!! There’s 17 year olds with their own babies fgs and she couldn’t trust her 2 teens with a 12 year old!! She said what if a fire broke out or someone got fell and got injured. I was like ehh that’s on you then if an almost adult is that clueless they couldn’t handle a few hours and even the 12 year old should be well capable of being independent enough for a few hours and call if there’s an emergency. I could trust my 8 year old in all honesty, wouldn’t leave him alone obviously and don’t need to as I have teens and adult kids but judging by some parents reaction to leaving their teens I’d say he’s more independent and got more common sense than their kids who are twice his age 😂

Home at midnight 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I swear people live on a completely different planet.

I'm sorry some people are being a little unkind in their responses; you don't seem like a crazy, overbearing Mum, just someone with no reference point.

In my experience, most 18 year olds don't arrive at the club until gone 11pm. Back in the day, my friends would stay out until 4am-ish, but as an absolute lightweight drinker, I was in bed with toast by 2am at the latest most nights!

Encourage your girls to text you when they're en route home and make it clear that you'll be there for them, without judgement, if any problems arise. You can't give them curfews and stop them from living their lives, but you can have open and honest communication and guide them in the right direction.

No curfew, but I’d expect anyone living in my house to let me know when they plan to be home and where they are going so I don’t worry/ do worry if needed.

No I just had a key. We did have a rule though, all stay together. Taxis home together… nobody gets left alone.

I have twins who turn 18 in Jan. I won't be giving a curfew, reason being, I didn't have one at that age, and just wouldn't have come home if my parents had tried to enforce one.

They need to be courteous when coming in, although I would be tempted to offer to pick them up the first time or so, just so I could have some fun conversations with them!