AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

[Letfree]

Okay, new to having adult kids, no previous experience.
I have twin daughters who have just completed Alevels. Turned 18 in April.
What time are 18 year olds meant to be home? They are going clubbing with their friends as an after exams celebration and want to return at 5am! They say the clubs don't open before 12 or close until 4am and they'll need to travel back. Is this normal? Did your 18yo have a curfew? Could they just come back home the next day?

Aibu to think they should be home by midnight?

Before Alevels, they came home by 10pm most nights. They'll be going to uni this year and can do what they like then.

My parents were immigrants so I had a totally different childhood from most. I had to be home by 9pm most nights and it didn't seem strange to me at the time. When i went to uni, I went out but didn't really enjoy it much. I don't feel i missed anything. When I returned home, I was still back by 9pm at the very latest every night.

I'm a single mom so don't have anyone to discuss this with. My girls and their friends are pretty good kids. I don't want to restrict them but I don't want to abandon them either. I won't be worried as such, just want to do the right thing. Please tell me what you do.

They are adults they shouldn’t have a curfew at all. You’ll see them when you see them, as long as they are respectful and not bringing people back, being loud waking you etc then let them get on with it. They are 18! Spend this energy on talking to them about how to be safe when out.

Erm no curfew there adults lol if my parents had done this I wouldn't have been a happy bunny lol

I mean this kindly, but you need to let go of the apron strings. Part of being 18 is staying out later than you ever have unsupervised and having all the liberty of an adult. Staying out to the small hours is a novelty. Give it a few years and they’ll tire of it. You are in no way being neglectful or abandoning them by not giving them a curfew.

I’ve had curfew for my older teens. Partly because I don’t want to be disturbed when they come back in the early hours but also I don’t want to be up and awake waiting/worrying about them. It was a struggle at first for them to understand but it’s sort of down the lines of my house my rules and having respect. I need my sleep as I get up early and work long hours. Once at uni they do their own thing. You still worry though but I’m sure you’ve talked about keeping safe etc. The clubbing phase only lasts a few weeks/months anyway. I think as you have twins they will probably stay together and there’s safety in numbers. My oldest is 22 now and when they come back from uni they still stick to my ‘rules’ because they understand the situation. You’ve got to do what feels right for you.

I never had a curfew for mine but I did like to know when they’d be in by or I collected them if needed . When I was 18 , and younger , my parents were very relaxed about us staying out at clubs until 2/3 am but my dad always came to pick us up .

They are 18 so they can come back whenever they like. You just need to check they have a key so they can get back inside without waking you up.

Post a levels no real curfew - I just wanted to know where they were going, who they were going with, and how/when they were getting home - and to be in contact if plans changed. I said to them both (in jest) that I needed the pertinent information so I didn't look an incompetent mother on Crime watch! DC were both pretty considerate, and didn't make too much noise on returning home. I did ask for a text once home so if I woke up in the small hours I'd know they were home, rather than having to go downstairs to check if shoes and coat were in the hall.
I didn't have tracking apps while they were at uni either.

They are adults, you can’t impose a curfew on adults. A levels are done and they have grown up, now you get to enjoy them without the burden of being fully responsible for discipline and rules.

I still give a curfew at 18. I'm not waiting up worrying all hours, I can't sleep until DD is home safe.

Midnight 🤣

Midnight?? For adults who have finished A levels?

I had a curfew when I was 18, but only during revision/exams.

I have no experience in this area as my boys are still young so I’m not going to give an opinion on what you should do. However, I just wanted to say that I think you sound like a lovely mum - the fact that you are putting so much thoughtful consideration into this decision shows that you have your dd’s best interests at heart. And that’s all any of us can ever expect of ourselves as parents.

When mine were that age the rules were they didn’t come home so drunk they were throwing up. (I’m emetophobic so I couldn’t deal with it) And when they came in, they came in quietly and didn’t wake the whole house up. They were good lads and did as they were asked. They did used to come in at 3am and 4am but it was fine.

You have to let them grow up and cut the apron strings @Letfree . It is hard, but it’s part of being a parent.

When I was that age almost 20 years ago, the rule was - 1am if I wanted a lift (on a weekend) or let them know I would be later by about 11:30 and be quiet letting myself into the house under pain of death. But to always call if I ever felt unsafe, no matter what the time.

I’m some years off my own child being clubbing age but my eldest stepchild isn’t too far off and I think the rules I was given are reasonable enough to replicate.

lol at 18 my mum was out with me till 3am sometimes. You don’t get a curfew at 18 however you are expected to be respectful when coming home not to disturb the household too much. Family used fo complain also saying why are you going out at 10:30pm it’s because the club didn’t get busy till 11:30-12 and be open till 4 or you’d be out at 8 pre drinking and then still not back till 4am. I had a boyfriend that was 2 years older than me when I turned 18 which helped me aswell as a large group of friends.

But surely that’s on you and not your DD she is surely entitled to a social life and freedom to do as she pleases within the fact it’s respectful. I mean I’m only going on what happened when I was 18 but I reckon I’d probably stay awake but I wouldn’t blame them for it I’d blame me because I can’t help but worry I wouldn’t want to stop them from experiencing something albeit not the best thing but it’s all part of the fun growing up

None at 18.
You can have your own house rules (pay rent, no over noght visitors etc) but a curfew at that age is a bit much. They are adults. They need to navigate their own way in the world and to be honest at that age have some fun!

My mum would wait up until all hours for me. Her choice. I get it as a mum myself now but if she had given me a curfew I would have broken it every time anyway.

Fond memories of me rolling in at 5am and her making me a cup of tea and a bacon buttie. Had some of my best chats with my mum at that age.

Im not suggesting you stay up until 5am but maybe ask they let you know where they are going that evening and give you a call if they need you but honestly let them go have some fun.

Like fuck would I have allowed my kids to come in drunk and making a racket at 5am.

They may be 18 but if they live at home they.come home when you tell them. They may be technically adults but they can stay oit until 5am when they are adult enough to leave home and pay their own rent.

They may be 18 but if they live at home they.come home when you tell them. They may be technically adults but they can stay oit until 5am when they are adult enough to leave home and pay their own rent.

I don't think midnight makes much sense for clubbing, no. And once you are much past that, is 3am really any better than 4am?

I'm not averse to insisting on unpopular rules. They may be 18 but while they live under your roof you can still expect compliance on things that are important to you. But I wouldn't pick this one. Clubbing is crazy hours. They need to keep safe, be quiet when they come in, and keep you updated.

I do get that but there's not a chance I'd be able to sleep when she isn't home safe and I'm not waiting up until a silly time. She still has a busy social life, just doesn't take the piss.

They should behave like adults. No curfew, but no waking the house up at all hours, either. Come in quietly. Also, show an adult-like respect for the fact that others might worry if you say you’ll be home at midnight and then don’t show up until 3. Just let people know any drastic changes in plans via text so they’re not worrying.

Also, if they are off to uni this year then in 3 months' time they will be doing freshers' week, out until 3am if they want to be, potentially in an unfamiliar city with people they've only just met.

Wouldn't they be a little bit safer if they have had those first experiences of late night clubbing with their established, trustworthy friends in their home town, and come home to you rather than a flat they're sharing with virtual strangers?

That said 5am is so late it's early and I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so on reflection I might ask them to be earlier than that.

What time is curfew?