AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

[Bigglebiggle]

Have a DD age 13, for the last 10 years she has lived with me primarily and stayed with dad every other weekend and through the holidays. There has been periods in the past she has said she does not like dads and did not want to go, however I have always encouraged this.

I have been with my partner for 3 years, due to get married next year and ever since the engagement DD has been trying to split us up. Recently she has told her dad and school information that is not true, leading to the welfare officer being involved. She does not like my partner as she feels he is strict on her, however he asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores etc.

DD has informed us and her school she wants to live with dad, however I know this is just a phase and informed her and her dad this is not going to happen, I dont want my child living away from me. Today I have got a call from the school to say DDs dad has picked her up and taken out a court order, im at a loss of what to do, im heart broken.

AIBU to think he is just being over the top and to go to their his house to demand her back?

OP I just read all your posts and I’m glad your daughter has somewhere she feels safe. Let her be with her dad. You seem like you really can’t see how much you are the problem here.

There's nothing to 'sort out'. Your daughter tried to tell you but you put your own needs in front of hers. She's now moved away and isn't coming back. What stronger message could you possibly need to hear?

This was my thought process. There are other children in the house. Where are Social Services? They should have visited by now.

I think ops under sharing which is fine but means she won’t get accurate advice because the situation is much more serious than she wants to let on as to get sympathy not that she has got that really anyway.

Or we need a bridge 🐐

I think OP is selective in the information she shares so I doubt we're even getting the full half story.

I thought mediation and cafcass will get involved first before a court order and have a miam meeting. That’s what happened with my friend

That you can’t just do a court order

Courts don’t remove responsibility from one parent and hand it to another on an emergency order unless there’s serious evidence of harm. Your daughter will have reported serious abuse, be that physical or sexual. And you’re just worked up about how the dad can do this??

Were you able to understand and process the 700 comments op? Because your post assuming ‘he is turning her against me’ suggest you have been unable to. The only way to have any chance at all at seeing your dd again is to take accountability for your own actions. This is on you. Until you can understand how you have caused this, you won’t get your dd back.

This is exactly the right thing to do. Everything should be through the parenting app to keep a record, and because it keeps things civil.

Your daughter is sending a clear message. That isn’t the father’s fault, thank goodness she has his house to go to and feel safer than she did at yours.

Thank goodness the girl is safe. @Bigglebigglecan I ask you why the hell a grown ass man who barely knows her would want to take a 13yr old out to nice places- go on, have a really good think about it. Then think why they were able to get a court order out and that you have another vulnerable child in the house. Most of us have come to the conclusion that dropping your knickers is far more important to you than your children’s safety be it physically or mentally.

I doubt OP is going to share any information that contradicts the narrative of ‘my daughter and ex are big mean liars that are out to get me/ my poor innocent fiancé’.

From her biological Dads point of view, I would absolutely move heaven and earth if my daughter was not happy living with another man in her house - especially one who tries to make rules for her to follow.
You are being selfish to put any man before your child!!!
I am a mother myself and no man would ever be a priority over my 13 year old daughter.

My fiance will look after her and therefore will tell her off it misbehaving but also takes her out often to places she likes and she always comes back saying she has had a lovely day.

And yet she absolutely does not like him so much that she is willing to completely leave you behind as a support network.

You have not even the slightest bit of curiosity as to why she feels like this. You are willfully blind.

What exactly does the court order say? It must be an emergency cao and maybe prohibited steps order for you to have not been involved in the family court process before now. Which means it will almost certainly be a temporary order until things can be resolved on a more permanent basis. There will likely be some serious allegations against step father. They shouldn't have changed schools etc without consulting you, that is a basic aspect of parental responsibility. If be surprised if DD hasn't thought of/mentioned wanting to change schools before though?

Your dd is old enough that court will take her wishes over yours. The worst thing you can do here is try and fight for possession of her. Grass is always greener on the other side, but the novelty of living with dad full time will likely wear off soon enough. Play the long game. So as hard as it is, for now just sit back and remind her that she knows where you are. And if it doesn't, at least know that she's happier now.

It's nature for kids to not get on with step parents. She wants you to fight for her, because she wants to be your sole, undivided focus of attention. There can only be a rug of war if both sides are pulling on the rope.

Difficult to advise her without all the relevant information though

I don’t think she’s at all interested the in criticism, or advice she doesn’t want to follow, that sharing all the relevant information would attract tbh.

She wants to hear that she and her fiancé are victims of her horrible lying daughter and ex, imo. That’s it.

Seriously; because someone is an adult doesn’t automatically make them any better than a child.

It cannot be good for a child to feel secure when her mother has had several relationships as OP has stated. Disruption on that scale is bound to result in separation anxiety - just as she gets used to the new person in her mother’s life he is gone and there’s another one on the horizon. No-one is saying OP should not have any relationships, just not to have serial live-in partners. It appears that her dad has a stable relationship and it is no wonder that the child wants to feel secure with him rather than the upheaval she is subjected to in her mother’s home. And why not when mother puts her own wishes before those of her child?

Her dad didn’t turn her against you. You can take the blame for that yourself. You’ve given her a hostile, unstable home environment.

if they have pr the school cant do anything unless you have a court order to stop it