@Bigglebiggle
if the court order grants him those rights, yes he can. I imagine he has been given primary custody, though given the speed at which this was done it suggests to me that this was an emergency order. The courts don’t generally grant these without some reason and supported by evidence.
As the court order is in place, I very much doubt you will be successful in demanding your DD is returned to your care, just because you say so, in this scenario. It may even be that the court order specifically prohibits you from removing her/states that she cannot return to live with you without court (or social work/other agency) approval. You’d have to see the order to know.
When parents have joint parental responsibility, either parent can register at a gp/school etc- if they have relevant documentation proving parental responsibility and the child’s identity (e.g. copy of birth certificate).
You cannot unilaterally decide that she cannot go and live with her dad (as per your previous post where you told your DD and her father exactly that). A court can decide that- without your consent- and are more likely to place a lot of importance on her opinion given her age. Whether you believe your daughter’s feelings are correct/ fair/ justified/ reasonable is largely irrelevant in thud scenario. She has expressed profound unhappiness to you; she has told school that she feels unsafe (I think you need to entertain the possibility , however reluctant you might be, that this is how she feels and not attention seeking or “lies”); she has clearly told her dad that she is unhappy/scared/worried. Her dad, the school, and now ultimately the court, have all chosen to taker her concerns seriously- you are the only one who has failed to do that. I would take some time to reflect on that, if I were you.
Even if her fears are unfounded, even if she is exaggerating/misinterpreting what is going on- or even if it is only coming from insecurity (I doubt it, having read all of you posts)- in my opinion, you are wrong to plough on with this marriage regardless. I’m not saying you must end your relationship, but I think you should pause the marriage plans and try and sort out this situation properly first. If there is no resolution with your dd, yiu then have to decide where to go from there.
At the end of the day, I think it would serve you well to be mindful that your DD has not chosen your partner, you did. You love him, but she might loathe him but still have to love with him because you chose it to be so. There have been other partners and children. Your DD has little power to change anything to do with her living situation if she is unhappy- other than to stay with her Dad. She has previously stated she did not visiting him- so either that has changed (highly possible) or even though she dislikes it there, it is preferable (at the moment) to living with you.
As your DD is ok with her stepmother and has not had a strong reaction to your previous partners (including one I think you had another child/children with), this strongly suggests to me two possibilities:
- your dd has a strong dislike of your current partner, or perhaps she does actually even fear him- whether you feel that is “fair” to him is totally irrelevant in this context. Additionally. she has tried to tell you about it but you have chosen to ignore her expressed feelings. Whilst it is of course up to you how you live your life and who you marry, if that summation is correct I think your daughter is within her rights to chose to live with her Dad.
- she has actually disliked/been unhappy with previous partners too, but did not know how/did not feel able to express it. She now feels able to and has done so.
I think you need to get more information on the court order. You are likely to need your own legal advice with regard to this order, and where you go from here. You can make your counter arguments in court, don’t go round all to her ex-husbands home with all guns blazing, demanding she return to you custody her. It won’t work, is likely to cause upset to your DD and is not going to benefit your cause in any future legal proceedings.
Going forward, i would implore you to listen to your daughter. If you dismiss her feelings, you may do irreparable damage to your relationship. It sounds like it has already taken something of a battering and will need worked on.