AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

[Bigglebiggle]

Have a DD age 13, for the last 10 years she has lived with me primarily and stayed with dad every other weekend and through the holidays. There has been periods in the past she has said she does not like dads and did not want to go, however I have always encouraged this.

I have been with my partner for 3 years, due to get married next year and ever since the engagement DD has been trying to split us up. Recently she has told her dad and school information that is not true, leading to the welfare officer being involved. She does not like my partner as she feels he is strict on her, however he asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores etc.

DD has informed us and her school she wants to live with dad, however I know this is just a phase and informed her and her dad this is not going to happen, I dont want my child living away from me. Today I have got a call from the school to say DDs dad has picked her up and taken out a court order, im at a loss of what to do, im heart broken.

AIBU to think he is just being over the top and to go to their his house to demand her back?

Nah. You’re not listening

she doesn’t have a problem with her dads marriage
she didn’t have a problem with your previous partners

she DOES have an issue with this man

what js that telling you?????

You sound like my DD. In my dgs 10 years she has moved 4 different men into her house! This one she moved in within weeks of the other one moving out. My dgs was overjoyed to see the back of one and was hoping they would have their home back to themselves. She's been with this one for 2 years and has had a baby. My dgs is scared of him and wanted to live with me. Now they have banned him from seeing me. My poor dgs voice was ignored all for having a man in the house. You need to give your daughter her home free from men for a long while now. You're not listening to her. You've had lots of relationships and she seems sick of it and scared of this man. Believe her or loose her. I can't believe how selfish some mothers can be.

Dad can’t just ‘take out a court order’ and kidnap his child. It doesn’t work like that. Have you notified the police and your solicitor? As if your original order states you have custody then they need to return her and you need immediate legal help too

She is being a 13 year old brat. I cannot believe how many other women on here are intimating that your partner - who is NOT a 5 min fling - is suspicious and that you should kick him out. Good luck to all of them when their teens start behaving like teens. She probs gets away with murder at her Dads. See your solicitor asap and also report to the police that Dad has taken her so you have that on record. I do not believe there is a court order or you would have it and you would have to have been notified of the hearing beforehand.

She has been with him 3 years. He is hardly strange

What is wrong with some of you women? Piece of dick? She has been with him 3 years and is engaged. Is she not supposed to have a life after her divorce? 13 year olds behave like brats. Do you not have teenagers? And she probably gets away with murder at her dad’s every other weekend. Is she not supposed to do chores around the house or keep her room tidy, or behave?

Yes, this! Dad is already remarried!!!! Nobody is slagging him off!!

Did you read the bit where it says Dad is already remarried? Where is the slagging off for him?

Where does it say she is terrified of him? Nowhere. It says that she has exaggerated being asked to do chores around the house - all very reasonable

Dad is already remarried. What about that?

Did you read the bit where that is totally irrelevant because the dad didnt move his girlfriend in to the DDs own home after a very short period of time?

Guess not.

I was your DD at that age.

I never really got on with my mum’s partner, so yes i did go and live with my dad for a bit. Of course my mum had love goggles on.

I also got on much better with my dad’s partners.

It’s now over 20 years later, my mum and her partner are still together. But he has never been a father figure to me. We get on ok, but the family dynamic isn’t there.

You are also massively downplaying the impact your arguments will be having on your DD.

I was in DD’s situation and got on much better with my dad’s partner than my mum’s partner.

Because that clearly isn’t an issue for the DD

Get rid of the fiancée

choose your baby

Let her live with her dad, go to her dad’s house and sit down with your DD and her dad and talk this through. Make arrangements when you will have contact, encourage texting and speaking on the phone most days.
if there’s is no problem with your partner, you can carry on and get married. It’s your life too, as it is your daughters to choose where she lives.

Did you not read the part where the OP says that several men have lived with them. It also seems she married one of them and had a baby.

If this man is one of several men that the DD has been forced to live with, do you not see that as unacceptable and a huge parenting fail?

It doesn't matter if the OP has been with him for 3 years and is engaged, the length of time doesn't diminish the risk. Clearly this is far more than a stroppy teenager and minimising it is disgraceful.

And yes, she has chosen dick over her daughter!! I would bet my house that if this young girl's home has stayed men-free, she would still be there, living with her mum. Few teenage girls decide to leave their mother without really good reason.

That poor kid. Let her go to her dad's. Have you asked her why she dislikes the step father so much? Have you considered he may be doing something to her? You are not making her feel safe or like a priority so let her go where she is. I went through so much with my mum when I was younger and the wounds run deep for years. She always put her boyfriends and then herself first. Luckily I was never sexually abused by any of them but one had once been accused of raping a girl and he was very violent and controlling. He choked me once when I was 13 and then she went on to marry him. I understand more now as a grown woman that it wasn't so black and white to her but I do remember begging her to leave after that and she didn't. And I hated her for it.
There is some deeper reason here your daughter doesn't like this man and even if it's just her being a teenager...you either mother up and put her first and get rid of this man or let her go to her dad. Otherwise I can guarantee in 5/10 years time you'll be posting about how you can't see your grandkids as your daughter hates you

Whether the op's daughter is being a 'brat' or not, it's obvious that having some time living apart from each other would be a good thing. Why try to hang on to her when she's obviously not happy? Let her move to her dad's and see how it goes.

If what OP's original post says is true.

'Today I have got a call from the school to say DDs dad has picked her up and taken out a court order'

It is possible he has had an ex parte hearing and has an Order. It's possible OP's recent lack of communication here means she has now been appraised of the hearing and Order and there will have to be a further hearing to make a more permanent Order.

I don't know but with no recent input from the OP we can only specualte.

But OP has made her child live with at least three men since her parents split up, one of whom she even married. Now she’s engaged to the latest one.

Her daughter didn’t have an issue with any of the others, so it’s about this man not about the principle of her mum being with a man.

People have pointed out that making your child live with at least 3 different men in the last 10 years is not putting them first. Do you really think it is?

She has been with this guy 3 years, yeah. And was with multiple other men she moved in before that. Seems she's had quite the fucking life tbf.

Absolutely 13 year olds can be brats. And there may be a bit of the daughter exaggerating but tbf if 3rd parties are involved, Dad has apparently gotten an emergency court order, and the 13 year old has never had an issue with her stepmother or the OPs previous ream of live in partners then I realistically think there's a bit more to the story than just "Clean your room".

Oh god, there's another dick panderer writing spiteful nonsense about a child. These people live among us.

OP'S second post says DD is "scared of him". Should we not believe the child?

Of course things will change. You're forcing her to live with an unrelated man that she doesn't like and isn't comfortable with. She doesn't have a choice about where she lives and she is telling you clearly that she doesn't want to live with this man.

You say you've prioritised her her whole life like it's something impressive, but she's 13. She SHOULD be your priority. Children shouldn't be punished for their parents poor choices. You have another 5 years before she turns 18, at least wait until then to move him in. At least then she has the choice to move out on her own.

It's that or let her stay with her dad. A court will allow her to choose where she lives and if she says she wants to live at her dads, that is that.