AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

[Bigglebiggle]

Have a DD age 13, for the last 10 years she has lived with me primarily and stayed with dad every other weekend and through the holidays. There has been periods in the past she has said she does not like dads and did not want to go, however I have always encouraged this.

I have been with my partner for 3 years, due to get married next year and ever since the engagement DD has been trying to split us up. Recently she has told her dad and school information that is not true, leading to the welfare officer being involved. She does not like my partner as she feels he is strict on her, however he asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores etc.

DD has informed us and her school she wants to live with dad, however I know this is just a phase and informed her and her dad this is not going to happen, I dont want my child living away from me. Today I have got a call from the school to say DDs dad has picked her up and taken out a court order, im at a loss of what to do, im heart broken.

AIBU to think he is just being over the top and to go to their his house to demand her back?

Don’t marry this guy…

Why are you chosing a man over your child?

Best to let her go if that is what she wants. All these posts about getting rid of your current partner are rubbish. She is behaving like a typical teenager and playing one off against the other. Its your ex partner who sounds like a dick and encouraging this behaviour. You should all be working together. Let her go and accept your relationship with your daughter is going to be slightly different.

The ex partner who is actually listening to the child's concerns? It is NOT easy to get an emergency court order... the school and other welfare authorities were also involved following the daughters comments.

Absolutely 100% the child could be making things up... but honestly the OP shiuld be doing everything in her power to get to the bottom of what's going on instead of continuing to plan yet another marriage. A revolving door of men moved into a young girls home is absolutely cause for concern in itself.

Yes the 2 parents should be working together but given the Father has serious concerns (or an emergency order wouldn't have been granted), and the OPs response is to "DEMAND" her daughter back instead of sitting down and trying to work out the best approach is alarming!

Revolving door of men? Yes work together to get to the bottom of it. Not going to be too challenging. She is a teenager and doesnt like being told what to do by a man who is not her Dad. Most teenagers dont like beibg told what to do. Here though she has the option to complain to her Dad and school who have over reacted and called in social services/courts. Yes there could me more to it so this could be justified. If there isnt then why should this lady dump her new partner of 3 years on the say so of a stroppy teenager and her Dad.

Please hear her. How on earth are you arguing about YOUR child with a man who is NOT her dad.

get him out. Listen to your child.

One of the most bullshit posts I have ever read on here.

Yes... a revolving door of men. One in, one out in very quick succession. Her parents split aged 3... between the ages of 3 and 10 there were at least 3 other men moved into the house. At least one of those got married and had a child with the OP who is now engaged to yet another man.

The kid is living in a house where she has complained ONLY about this particularly man (not the multiple others or her stepmother). She has told school / authorities she doesn't feel safe... that has to be looked into. The OP and her fiance are constantly fighting about the daughter... thats got to be a fantastic atmosphere to live in surely.

The child has been complaining about this man and causing concerns to 3rd parties but Mummy dearest doesn't want to listen.

ETA: I am a step-parent myself. My stepson also has a stepfather and in both homes he knows that all parent within the household (biological or step) are to be listened to. I tell him to do chores and my DH also always made sure he knew to be respectful and listen to his stepfather too. I agree with you that if it was a case of a kid being annoyed they need to do chores and throwing a strop that's not something to pander to.... but the big clue here is that welfare authorities have already been involved previously and that an emergency court order was obtained. A judge doesn't even allow an emergency hearing unless there are real concerns.

I don’t think @Bigglebiggle is coming back - didn’t get the answer she wanted.

It’s not unusual for teens to want to live with the more lenient parent. It also is common for the new partner to be authoritarian with teens and expect that to make the teen obedient 🤣
You married this guy knowing your daughter hates him, what did you expect would happen? Is there a hidden reason your daughter doesn’t want to live with him besides the discipline issue? Your ex loves and cares for your daughter while your current partner does not. Your ex must have been very alarmed to take the steps he did. You must dig deeper into your daughter’s concerns with current partner. Your daughter and your current partner may both lie to you, so involving a neutral third-party might be helpful.

My thoughts also.

Well she isn't replying to any of my calls and texts, no doubt her dad is turning her against me. I haven't seen any paper work but apparently he has already moved her schools and GP surgery without my consent which I dont think is being a responsible parent.

My fiance will look after her and therefore will tell her off it misbehaving but also takes her out often to places she likes and she always comes back saying she has had a lovely day.

Her stepmother tells her off all the time and she has never had an issue with this in all the years that they have been together.

It’s sad you can’t make the connection that the reason her stepmother can tell her off is because she’s been involved with her for many years and your fiance hasn’t got those years of building trust and rapport. Poor girl, I hope she’s settling ok and happier.

Dad won't even talk to me either unless its through an app, again I don't think this is very good parenting, I just want us all to sit down and sort it out

Clearly she has a different dynamic at her fathers house. It’s REALLY clear that your DP is the issue and that your ex must have heard things he really doesn’t like to have acted with such impunity, but you don’t seem to want to accept this so….

Her dad isn't turning her against you - you are - you have chosen a man over her and she will never forgive you

I see on many many threads that talking to each other via the parenting app is the way to do it.

Remember it's not all about you

it's about your daughter

and your latest boyfriend...

It sounds like you’re choosing your fiancé over your daughter. Are you really sure you want to do that?

Have you decided if you’re getting rid of partner? I don’t think anyone will talk until this is resolved you should go to your ex house to talk it through like adults.

What is the problem with using the app? If you both have to think about what you say it stops knee jerk slanging.

A parenting app is often recommended.

Also he hasn’t turned her against you, you ignoring her feelings and fears about your partner have turned her against you.

There is a reason she doesn’t like this particular man out the fee you’ve moved in (married) in the last 10 years but your putting him before her.

What do you mean he’d ’takeN out a court order’ he can’t do that without applying to court then you’d be informed and have your say.
he has probably just applied not got an order yet.
however at age 13 they will listen to her views. So you need to choose who you want living with you for the next fiver years your daughter or your boyfriend? I would choose daughter unless you’re pregnant or something liek that.

So it’s not being told off that’s the issue, it’s your boyfriend.

Do you not think it’s selfish to have made your daughter live with at least three of your boyfriends /husbands (not including her dad) in her short life so far?

Please check previous posts which explain about ex parte hearings and orders.