AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

[RudaRudoRude]

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

When you register your baby today use your foster parent's surname if that is the one you use....
Your baby doesn't have to have his surname.

OP, I really think you are an amazing young woman.

So brave, so wise for your youth.
You are going to be a great mother with such a great head on you.

Great idea to give the baby YOUR surname.
Much easier going forward for passports, schooling, etc.

That's true. He can be on the birth certificate but baby can have your surname.

I hope you and your FM told the police:

• you had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago
• your DH, the one who rang the police, chose to leave you and his baby
• your FM, a lady obviously highly regarded in society for having children due to all the checks needed, was with you - your idea, as DH prepared to leave you alone
• you have had nothing but abuse from your DH and family & want support from the police due to harassment

Sorry seen you have done all of that!

I would ask if your Fm could meet with you and your SW and show all the evidence on your phone and ask for practical advice on what to do with his abuse.

You are amazing.. never underestimate yourself or your resilience. Your child is so lucky to have you as their mum.

Be proud of yourself… it’s wonderful to see that you are not prepared to put up with this ill treatment. What a fabulous role model you are going to be. Wishing you the very best of luck. X

Hope you're getting on ok @RudaRudoRude

Thank you. I’ve not had my phone much. I was getting messages from his stupid friends wanting in on the drama and messages from his mum and him.
I registered my baby giving him a name I love and his other names are all my fds names and I saw a solicitor and then me and the baby got a horrible virus. I’m still at my fps and reporting everything to the police and they said that they will be contacting them this weekend.

You are doing everything right @RudaRudoRude Well done and well done to your Foster Parents who are absolute stars.

You are doing so well @RudaRudoRude! Particularly given that both you and the baby have been ill (hope you're feeling better soon).

You really should be so proud of yourself. You're so young, have been through so much, but are sorting out a good life for your son. Many, many older women would have coped with the awfulness of this situation less well.

Hopefully the maturity with which you've coped with this all will give you a bit more confidence in yourself. You're absolutely brilliant!

You are doing fantastically!

could you ask your friends if anyone has an old phone then you could keep that one for any necessary contact with your ex but have a new number for contact with people who are helping?

Oh a good idea. Leave all the toxic stuff on the old phone and number.

@RudaRudoRude

Thank you for the update! Hope you and little one feel better soon.

You really are handling this with such maturity and level headedness!!

Thanks for the update OP. Good to hear you are safe. X

Pleased to hear you are getting lots of real life support @RudaRudoRude

He's accusing you of an affair?
I think you should prepare yourself for the possibility he is having one.

You are doing amazing. One step at a time. Keep a record of this and they all need a restraining order. Your incredible Foster family- they are a godsend.
A shit man always has a shit mother behind him. Proved yet again.

Thanks for replying. You're doing so well!

So sorry to hear you've both been ill - last thing you need. Keep going - if it feels overwhelming at times, just focus on getting through the next day or hour. It will get easier!

@RudaRudoRude

Brava!!! You are doing so well!

Giving the baby names you love and are meaningful to you is an important gesture to yourself. It says that you are going to carve an independent path and make your own decisions.

I'll bet your FD was chuffed that you used his names for the baby.

Have you tried blocking them all on your phone? If that wasn't working I agree with getting a burner to use for support sources. And perhaps having FD or FM 'screening' your phone for messages, emails, and texts before you use it. They can just delete the bullshit so you only see what you need to see.

I think the bullshit needs to be on record. It might come in useful later on.

An update. The police have cautioned them both for harassment but this has made things worse because he’s saying I’ve conned him out of money and the baby isn’t his and that he had to leave because I was controlling and abusive. The police said because he wants to make that an official complaint they will gather evidence and investigate when he does. I don’t get how they can’t see this is them carrying on harassing me.
I have felt really shit with it all and everything he’s saying and been saying in messages swirling around in my head all day and all night. I have my family and friends and they are honestly amazing but I can’t say to them that I want to switch off my brain and not have all this. It’s brought up so much for me and the rejection like from my birth mum and now him is hurting so much. I can be honest here and I’m massively struggling and actually scared if he does make this complaint and investigate what if they find something or him and his mum convince them

They will be able to see that but they do have to take all things seriously.

Funny how he wanted a welfare check on his baby who he now claims isn’t his.

This will all add to your case.

I have literally just learnt that I can switch my phone off🤯. Maybe let FM read messages once a day and filter for you if anything needs to be actioned. That way they can huff and puff but you will protect your mental health. Just a thought.

Oh let them collect evidence. What evidence lol. What a joke these two are. This will add to your case once the police find no harassment from you.
they are trying to unsettle you op. Let your FM deal with the texts if she is able to.

OP, keep everything him and his family/friends have been sending you for evidence of harassment.

I'm sorry you're going through this, stay strong ❤️

We are only scanning the messages that we then have to email to the police officer. I try not to read much of them even the tiny bit I read is too much. Even when I don’t read them I know what kinds of messages they are.
I did get another phone and my old one is just them now. I wanted to give it to the officer but they won’t take it yet.