AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

[RudaRudoRude]

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

Yes, there is no way my DH would have left me three weeks after my cs and no way my MIL would have expected him to.

I would message him now telling him you’ve heard about what she’s said.

We were both going to go. I thought I would be ok or go overdue. This is our first baby and I wasn’t expecting to have to have all this.

You have a very big dh problem.

i cannot believe your DH went
is he usually a thoughtless prick in thrall to his mother?
is this your first child?
I would on the basis of your DH’s awful behaviour be reevaluating your relationship

OP, you need to book in to your GP. Three weeks post op you shouldn’t be in so much pain that you can’t go to a BBQ, where you’ll be mostly sat down anyway.

He is a complete arse.
Your MIL sounds sinister and nuts.

But at least you know now that your H and his family have no thought for you and your health. So plan your future without them.

I'm so very sorry for you in this situation, but better to find out early on than you can't rely on him and have to watch out for her.

So it was his grandparents long wedding anniversary… doesn’t his mother know that he won’t get his own anniversary if he harms his wife by neglecting her for his mother?

Id have been so upset if I was his grandmother and he’d attended leaving you at home.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It sounds a very unhealthy dynamic for your MIL to be getting upset about non -attendance at a party when her son has very pressing responsibilities caring for you and the baby.

And yes that does sound like the kind of person who might possibly make toxic comments.

If your DH has actually left you to go and appease his mother I would be quietly preparing to step back from the relationship. It isn't your job to fix his Mummy issues and you'll only be vilified for it.

Well that was frankly stupid of both of you… planning to go away on your literal due date. Strewth.

I’m wondering who the 5% are who think the OP is being unreasonable 🥴

Your DH is the problem. He's a mummy's boy and always will be. At the very moment you needed him to step up and support he decided to side with her. It'll never change. If he's generally ok aside from these kind of shitty decisions then I'd think very hard at carving out expectations around family. Don't be a doormat so he can appease his mother at every turn. Make sure you leave him with the baby or just up and go for a weekend too once in a while.i

It's the mil and DH

Sadly this. I could just about have understood say it being his mothers funeral but his grandparents wedding anniversary???

has he always been a selfish man child?

It’s the whole weekend and staying in a hotel, I was worried about the baby being in the car so long and the heat and just trying to work everything out. I’m breastfeeding but I think my baby has colic too. I will see the GP next week if things don’t get better

This 100%

I would be getting better and then giving it a good hard look.

He should have stayed at home and I would find this hard to forgive tbh. Unless he has AnyFucker's 'golden cock', I would be making alternative arrangements once the DC is 9m plus.

What a tosser!

Two weeks post emergency c section my sister was in the car up to Leeds from Devon - obvs stopping every half hour or so for baby but you need to see them because the pain shouldn’t be limiting you this much

Time for the come to Jesus conversation OP.

Your husband needs to make a choice. Put his wife and child first or sod off back to Mummy.

Any man who puts an anniversary party before gis wife and child, especially when his wife has just had major abdominal surgery to get said child safely does not deserve to be called husband or father.

Any mother who encourages her little precious to put her before his wife and child would be put on time out. No contact with her, no visits, no pics nothing. He is his Mummy he can sort that and baby is far to young to be away from their mother and primary carer.

The one thing I wanted to know is could he apply for custody on this basis? With his mum backing him? Would this even be evidence that I had asked him to stay?

Agree with previous poster. Your husband and his mother are dicks.

That’s your sister. Everyone is different. Nobody would expect people who have had any other surgery to be travelling overnight just 3 days later.

I doubt it very much so please dont worry. Most new mums struggle a bit in the beginning because growing a child then feeding them is bloody hard. Please do not let that awful person make you think you are a failure in any way because you put yourself and your child first.

This really depends though, things like core strength before pregnancy goes a long way but also if you have a baby that sleeps Vs one who doesn't for example can impact your recovery time, your age, how useless your DH has been. All things that might mean you don't 'bounce back'as quickly.

You are recovering from abdominal surgery AND have to care for a newborn, your husband has abandoned you both as to not upset his mummy ( who sounds delightful! ). He needs to know how badly he has let you and your baby down. I would start with the fact you had to ask your neighbour for help because he left you, if that's not embarrassing enough.

He's a disgrace going there under the circumstances. And I usually dont agree with relying too much on partners. But yes he should stay. His family sound horrible.

It’s not been three days though, it’s been three weeks.