AIBU to expect my husband to stay after an emergency caesarean?

[RudaRudoRude]

Name change as outing info before.
I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago. Baby was 3 weeks early but fine. My DH has gone for the weekend to his parents for a large family celebration. I haven’t gone because I’m still really sore. I had the c section done with general anaesthetic as it was a real emergency they didn’t have time to do a epidural. I said to DH about him not going because I could do with help with the baby. I’m on my own and don’t have my own parents. His mum got upset so he’s gone there to the weekend party.
Now I’ve found out from a message from someone in his family who said to watch my back as my mil is implying that I can’t cope with the baby because I asked him to stay and he should look at leaving me and applying for custody.

I can cope with the baby, I was only asking him to stay because I really am sore and with having to do everything myself until Monday it feels a lot. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal or this isn’t fair. I didn’t think it was unreasonable to ask him to stay but was it?

Do you believe the person who messaged you because it sounds like shit stirring

How important was the family celebration? Is your MIL likely to say that sort of thing, has she got previous?

He shouldn’t have gone if it wasn’t a couple of hours thing honestly.

Your MIL is a disgrace, she shouldnt have even invited him under the circumstances, let alone insisted he go. And the update suggests shes a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Id be very upset if DH left me alone for a weekend 3 weeks after emergency surgery with a 3 week old. What on earth does he think he is doing.

It doesn't sound exactly out of character for a mother in law who puts pressure on her son to leave his newborn and post op wife for the weekend.

They don’t have any reason to shit stir. It seemed quite a genuine message and she was upset saying if it had been about her she’d want to know. She even said I can say she had told me if I need to.

That's such a bizarre thing for her to say, we need more context. If it's really out of the blue then I also would suspect that that message isn't true.

No you're being entirely reasonable, he's unreasonable to of gone. My hormones were all over the place for weeks after my births and they weren't Caesareans. Why until Monday, be should come back first thing tomorrow, he shouldn't be away from you overnight at all if you need his support. I would be having a mega chat with him about priorities with him when he gets back. Take it easy, rest when you can. Your husband sounds rather immature to me and shame on your mother in law.

Why do MIL get involved in things like this?! It’s baffling, it’s up to you and your husband. IMO he shouldn’t have gone, I am sure you are sore and recovering from a major operation, never mind having a baby to deal with too!

That’s absolutely shocking. I had the same with my first, a long very complicated awful section under GA and the recovery was shit. My husband got very ill straight afterwards so despite his best efforts, and he was amazing, I overdid it through lack of options and got a nasty infection in my incision around the 3 week mark.

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and that your husband has put his mum’s selfish wants over your very real needs. He’s pathetic. Is there anyone who can pop in and help you? Have a hug from me xx

I think it is completely outrageous for a father to leave his new baby and recovering partner for a weekend.
You are recovering from major surgery! It's ok if you can't cope with the baby right now. MAJOR SURGERY!!!

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Your husband should be ashamed of himself for going and any normal person would be judging that decision not you asking him to stay. I’d be seriously thinking about leaving my husband if he did this to me (he didn’t and wouldn’t after both my c sections he was nothing but attentive).

Why are you listening to a shit stirrer?

People like to shit stir. Unless there is a massive back story, why would you believe them?

Even if she did say it, running to a new mother to tell her is pathetic

I was still struggling to even walk 3 weeks after my EMCS. I couldn’t have looked after my daughter on my own at that point. Your husband is a dick.

Ew. Your husband and his mother sound pathetic.
My DH had to go back to work 2 weeks after my emergency c section and he adapted his hours and checked in with me every couple of hours. He also arranged for a couple of friends to pop by to make sure I and baby were OK when he wasn't in.
Luckily I recovered fairly quickly but for the first 2 to 3 weeks I could barely pick baby up to change nappy never mind do anything else!! His mother sounds vile but he isn't much better given he chose appeasing her over looking after you and his baby.
The good news is, soon enough you'll be back on your feet and able to swan off and leave him to it.

He had said to her about not going and he said she got upset about it. She spent time with him on another family holiday just nearly 2 months ago and whilst he was away then I was taken into hospital with high blood pressure. The family member said she was saying it to him with a few other members of the family listening. It’s his grandparents wedding anniversary so that’s the family event.

I was kept in hospital for 4 days after the c section because they thought I had an infection as my temperature was high and bp was high for a couple of days.

It shouldn't have even crossed his mind to have gone. Without asking you, he should have told his family that he couldn't come. Its all very well anyone telling you that you should be able to manage but why should you. It is his baby too and your his partner and you've carried baby throughout pregnancy, had a traumatic birth, a surgery that cuts through several layers of your body and then the brutality of having to have a newborn in your house and the worry and lack of sleep that brings. He should be with you and shame on him and his family.

You have every right to be very mad and you should be preaching at him and his family about the lack of respect given to you. I don't care if he was going to a wedding, very little is important enough to leave you right now.

I disagree. The husbands DM is clearly unhinged if she thinks it’s ok to guilt trip him into leaving his wife at home alone to recover from major surgery and look after a new born.

Not a cat in hells chance would my OH have done this, and no way would my MIL have demanded his presence at a family event in those circumstances.

Any MIL and DH who thinks it’s ok to abandon their wife and newborn three weeks after major surgery is absolutely the sort of person to think like that, so shit stirrer or not, OP now knows what she’s up against when (and it’s inevitable) they split up.

I was struggling with the stairs as we have two flights. I’ve had to move everything downstairs with my neighbour because I can’t keep doing that on my own. The muscle pain is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

Your husband is a dick

My husband would never leave me injured, post major abdominal surgery with a newborn. Your MIL sounds evil telling your husband to leave you and take your baby.

So this weekend is actually your due date. Was he going to go away if you’d gone to full term?

Your dh is an absolute c word for leaving you