to think DM is unfair to ban the twins from visiting?

[timetoban]

My sister has four children: an 6-year-old, a 5-year-old and 2-year-old twins.
The older two are easy visitors. They tend to sit quietly, chat a bit and spend a lot of time on their screens. The twins, however, are typical two-year-olds. They run around, make noise, have the occasional tantrum and create a bit of mess.
DM is very house-proud and likes everything neat, tidy and pristine.

She has become increasingly irritated by the twins whenever they visit. She complains that they don't sit nicely, don't behave properly and are too noisy. Personally, I think her expectations of two-year-olds are unrealistic.

The latest development is that she has told DSis that the twins are no longer welcome at her house. She says DSis can bring the older two, but not the younger ones.

The problem is that DSis's husband works long hours and isn't always available to stay home with the twins. So in practice, this means DSis often can't visit at all, or has to choose between seeing DM and staying with her younger children.

DM says it's her house and she's entitled to decide who comes into it. DSis feels hurt that two of her children have effectively been singled out and excluded.

Have they “come at” you? Or have they just disagreed with your view?

You seem very keen on your own right to express yourself, but your grasp on other people’s right to do the same is rather less tenacious.

If you don't like the 'sniping' then you have the option to ignore 🤷‍♀️

Early 70s. No history of dementia.

If they just disagreed with my view they could choose to disagree and move on. But instead people are having a go about me having a different opinion.

You can make me out to be thick if it makes you feel better of course. 🤣

This is just an internet forum and it couldn’t matter less in the general scheme of things. It’s not me that is seeking validation 😬

Apparently I’m not allowed to contribute any further because people don’t agree with my comments. So I’m out 😆

The majority of the population will judge a person that bans her grandchildren from her home and makes no attempt to find some sort of compromise as a bad person. The minority who see this as a rational decision because of her sensory issues are going to be at odds with how most people think. I wouldn't say they're necessarily wrong though, the concepts of bad and good are very subjective and open to debate.

I agree with this. And I would add that a grandmother who bans some of her young grandchildren from visiting her house while still expecting the same close relationship (and regular visits) from their mother is probably going to get a harsh dose of reality when she realises that isn't going to happen.

It doesn't sound, from OP's posts, that her mother has quite grasped this yet.

The older two aren't behaving as such,just absorbed into screens by the sound of it??

The older two are absorbed by screens but more capable of sitting down quietly than the 2 year old twins.

Your Mum has made her boundaries clear - but I would be making it clear back that these boundaries have consequences. No more visiting her - she doesnt get to exclude some children and that be accepted. From what you have written she seems uptight, cold and quite frankly self-absorbed. When the children naturally have better relationships with the MIL and none with your Mum you can make it clear why. Even putting the eldest children on screens seems nasty. It seems all about her wants and no-one else's. I would be taking a step back.