I can’t relax and have to earn happiness, please help

[Reiandll]

I’m at my wits end.

I feel l have to earn happiness. I can’t relax. I can’t actually enjoy a full day. I feel calmer if something bad has happened as it makes me feel like I’m due something good.

its been like this my whole life and i‘m now 40. How do I cope with this or make it better?

Have you ever tried therapy?

Hhmmm, tricky one, but I get you. I've had an eye condition since I was a child, and I sometimes used to feel better if it got inflamed and I had the necessary steroids injection. That way the worst had already happened and the injection couldn't be repeated for 8 weeks. I think that has followed me into my adult life. Is there anything in your past that might have had a similar effect?

Get therapy.