Don’t want in-laws to come on holiday with us

[snch]

They are nice people but in the 15 years I’ve known them they’ve been abroad once so they’re not holiday people.

They have mentioned coming with us in passing before we booked our holiday but I didn’t think they were serious.

It’s our first holiday as a family and I just would like to experience as that with the 3 of us. Were going on another trip which we’ve invited them on but I’m getting the feeling the want to come abroad. Our holiday is in the 6 weeks and they’ve never wanted to be off work then. It’s a bit awkward and I’m not sure how to go around it am

If they mention it again, deflect and say how much you’re looking forward to them joining you at Xyz in September (or wherever). . Also, make sure your husband is onboard.

Is it the sort of holiday they’d like? Personally Ive
had
dreadful experiences with my ILs and holidays, mainly asy
MIL is a
narcissist and makes holidays all about her, grts
huffy all the time, v
makes herself
the victim, always complaining , so never again ! She’s 80 now so isn’t really likely to go thank goodness!
can you just tell them the holiday isnt
going to be fun for them … also if it’s your DH parents get him to sort it out

“Oh sorry ILs the trip is in 6 weeks and it’s all booked up now, to late to change anything. Looking forward to the other trip we’ve booked with you though.”

It completely changes the dynamic. DH will happily spend a day and evening with his parents at our home or theirs or for a local day out but after the last holiday with MIL (his parents are divorced), he's agreed no more.

Maybe they would be holiday people but they're just a bit nervous/not used to it, and they would be reassured by you and DH being there?

I agree that two trips with them in the same year might be a bit much (!) but personally I think I'd consider an abroad trip with them next year if this year's UK one goes well.

If they are nice and reasonable people you can definitely say that you want to spend some quality time as a family so will split off on X days and do your own thing, then meet up later for dinner, etc.

Just ignore them, they've mentioned it in passing you don't have to do anything just smile and nod, as long as your Dh doesn't invite them make sure he doesn't, and enjoy your holiday.

I voted unreasonable because of ‘they’re not holiday people’

Don't start this.
It's the height of entitlement to think you are entitled to just join someone on their precious holiday.
Absolutely not.

The holiday will be all about them, their comfort, schedule and preferences.

Make it very clear to your husband that it is not happening.

How nice they are is nothing to do with it.

Most important: make sure your DH is on the same page as you. You must make it crystal clear from the very start.

If they mention it again just brush it off with 'We like it being just us on our summer holiday' and change the subject.

Just to put a different perspective on this, we had several holidays with PILs both before and after our DD was born and always enjoyed them.

Maybe it depends on a number of other things - age, personality and similarity of interests, how well you get on generally. PILs were used to traveling abroad themselves so it wasn't a case of us having to show them the way. We also enjoyed many of the same things such as going for long walks, visiting historically interesting places, eating out.

After DD was born they loved the opportunity to spend more time with her. They lived nearly three hours drive away so didn't see her that often, holidays gave them that opportunity. When she was small it was also good for us because they would volunteer to look after her for a whole day or an evening or something so we could do something by ourselves.

We didn't holiday with them every year but certainly every two or three years.

It only really stopped working when they became proper old. MIL starting with dementia, PIL no longer confident to drive abroad, neither of them as mobile as they were. By then DD was mid-teens and we realised that trying to balance a holiday for the elderly and a teenager wasn't really possible. The holiday really had to be all about them and their needs and limitations.

Simply say what you said on here. It's our first family holiday and we would like it to be the 3 of us.
Job done. If they are reasonable people then they will understand. If they complain, moan, feel hurt then they're unreasonable people and it just confirms that you are right not to want to go on holiday with them.

If they've actually asked to come along and you don't want them to, say no, that doesn't work for you. Don't get bogged down in reasons, or you're potentially setting yourself up for them to overcome your objections and make a case for their coming (either now or on a future trip) when it's never going to happen, which is a waste of their and your time.

If they're not directly asking, just ignore any "hints" and proceed with your original plans. Keep your exact plans quiet, though, so they don't turn up at the bungalow next door on the same dates expecting to spend "quality time together".

My sil went on holiday to SE Asia last year and was joined by her single cousin. She felt bad for saying no and felt that she didn't have a choice because the cousin has had a rough few years. SiL instantly regretted the decision as soon as they arrived at the air port.

The cousin complained about the weather being too hot (well Thailand wasn't going to snow was it?), food didn't agree with her so it was Maccys ds most days etc. You get the drift, poor sil had a horrendous time but guess what her cousin loved it! The best holiday ever a cording to cousin so she wants to go again!

I don't holiday with people for a reason, it's my hard earned break with my hard earned money. I don't want it spoilt by a bunch of entitled, spoilt, anti social people.

do bear in mind that if they are lacking confidence to go abroad alone then coming with you will be helpful and they may gain confidence to Holiday on their own more

They’ve had their whole life to go on holiday! You are a young family starting out and there’s NO NEED for them to start coming on your family holiday now!!!

All that will happen is they get used to going on holiday with op and expect it every year!!

So they haven't actually asked you outright? You just 'get the feeling' they want to come with you? Then this is a non-issue. Just ignore any vague hints.

Send them the link for escorted group holidays so they get the benefits of an escorted holiday abroad.

https://holiday.saga.co.uk/holidays/holiday-types/escorted-tours

This!!

ans if they ask you outright just say ‘we are really looking forward to spending time with you in September but we just want this first holiday to be the three of us’

What do you mean you get the feeling they want to come? Have they said so? Maybe they don't feel confident going abroad and that's why they don't go, not that they don't want to. Maybe they like the idea of spending time with you all (and helping)? What does your husband think? You haven't really said why you don't want them to go.

Yeah, nip that idea in the bud, pronto.
We ended up sharing holidays with in-laws for 10 years. They expected to be fed and entertained for free for the entire time they were with us.
Our sudden interest in camping put an end to it!

Either that or it’ll be like two extra children tagging along and OP and her husband will end up doing absolutely everything.

I only holiday with other people if I know we’re very similar and both going to put the same amount of effort in and enjoy the same things

I genuinely don't understand why people feel guilted into taking people on holiday 😕

Don’t mention it but if they ask outright just say “oh we booked that holiday just for us, I m sure you understand “

This. It's pretty short notice already, so if they are still at the hinting stage it should be far too late to sort anything out by the time they escalate to asking outright.