To think DH should not have finished my dessert

[Mamma47448]

I bought a tiramisu from a supermarket yesterday. It was maybe 10 cm squared.

DH doesn’t usually buy desserts, he prefers to make them fresh. So I buy for myself and offer him some and sometimes he says yes. I think of them as mine though I’m usually happy to share. We don’t have a dessert every night.

I ate about 20% of it yesterday - it was delicious but it’s pretty rich and few spoonfuls are enough. I cut another 20% today after dinner for myself. I reminded DH we had tiramisu if he wanted some.

Baby was crying so I rushed through the tiramisu and went to settle them. I came back to find the rest of the tiramisu had gone! DH said I had eaten “half” (!) (Tbf he probably didn’t know I had some yesterday) so he had the other “half”. I’d been thinking I was going to save some for tomorrow. I’ve just looked at the box and it says it is 4 portions.

Is it fair to think of the desserts as mine? (DH is very generous with his baking but he’d definitely comment if I scoffed down most of his biscuits or whatever.)

Was it fair for DH to eat the rest of what I thought was my dessert?

Would it have been fair for me to have three portions (one yesterday, one today, one tomorrow) while DH has just one?

Semi-lighthearted. I’ll provide a bit more context later.

If he has form for finishing the whole thing then why don’t you tell him how much to take. E.g. “there’s tiramisu left, if you want some take half”

Yeah I could never eat half of that in one go…. But my DH definitely could.

I think YABU because you told him to help himself BUT next time make it clear you want him to leave a normal sized portion for you.

We don't have 'my food' or 'his food'. Everything we buy and is in the fridge/cupboards is for anyone to eat. If there's something 'special' I actually hide it, which might make me the mental one but I can't imagine begrudging someone in my house something to eat that I had already offered them.

Just talk to him, for goodness sake!!

A standard restaurant serving of tiramisu typically weighs between 90 grams and 175 grams per slice or container, with a common average being roughly 100g-120g.

according to Gemini…

so let’s say he ate 220 grams (you said the tiramisu was 400 grams in total and you had already eaten a bit less than half in total on two separate occasions).

Did your DH eat a very large portion (or two small to medium a portions)? yes.

but he had probably assumed that you were telling him that it was fine to finish the tiramisu. It clearly wasn’t… so just tell him? If you don’t he’ll do the same again next time!

You keep saying is. Clearly he doesn't agree. It's a you problem.

It wasnt that one, it was the walnut, cinnamon and ginger one. Dark and unctuous.

In his mind though, I imagine, you had tiramisu two nights in a row, then told him 'there's tiramisu if you want it'. You say you'd had 40% but in tiramisu land 40% Vs 50% isn't significant. So he looks at it and thinks "@Mamma47448 has had her 'half', I'd better finish it off because it's on day 2" Fresh cream isn't great on day 3 (tbh it would never last that long with me anyway, but that's by the by).

If you hadn't eaten any that night, you could have said 'oh there's some tiramisu left - do you want to share it?' but you'd already had some. So I think it was reasonable for him to think you'd had what you wanted and the rest was up for grabs.

The cake...does he have impulse control issues?

Portion

*us not is

Agreed. Tiramisu by its nature is light, its a snack. Its quite 'empty' its not a heavy and dense thing.

Easily eatable.

Honestly it seems like when you offer him something he assumes you're offering the whole thing. So be clearer moving forward. There's dessert in the fridge, you can have some if you want but leave half for me tomorrow please.

I think you offered him some as you felt like that was the right thing to do but were secretly hoping he would say no

Pick your battles!

I wonder how many of us are now triggered to buy or make a tiramisu after this thread.

I wonder if OP is actually from the Tiramisu Association, this is an insidious sinister attempt to get us eating more of it.

Like I need any help.

This seems about right.

OP might even have to be clearer than that. ‘There is cake left. You can have 25% of what is left today, and leave all of the rest alone.’

It’s a bit infantilising; but he did behave like a little kid with the OP’s birthday cake.

Ah yes, the shady corporate world of Big Cake. I’ve heard tales.

YANBU about the birthday cake - that was greedy of him.

YABU about the tiramisu- you offered, he ate. My idea of a 'portion' of tirimasu would he different to DH's idea of a 'portion'.

Going forward you need to be more specific.

Also - i can imagine being annoyed in this situation if I disliked the person who ate my dessert when I had offered it to them. I wouldn't be angry at DH or DC.

Normally its Jaffa Cakes or Tunnocks, they're the big players.

They don’t generally last all that long do they? You had half, he had half - really don’t see the issue.

since being an adult and living independently, I have on ccassion, been known to eat a whole tiramisu. Recently I shared 2 socially acceptable slices with in laws at dinner and then was grateful to be sent home with the rest (which I polished off alone later in the evening).
I grew up in a house where portions were strictly policed and controlled - and are even more when we return to my family for visits. i felt briefly guilty for a larger than average portion but then reminded myself I am an adult who can make my own choices and doesn't harm anyone.
I wonder if the update on your mum is more significant than you realise - you grew up having presents given back / taken away, so you are careful to protect and savour what you have and are given now. Him eating the rest of the cake or dessert is just like your mum giving it away.
maybe try to see this, and in future either be explicit about how much you are prepared to share (or not) or be prepared to buy more (the fact you are unwilling to do this evening for a standard supermarket dessert - I understand the extravagant cake is different - shows that you are placing a greater significance on this than others - inc your DH - clearly do)

I couldn't imagine living life where my partner counts what I eat like this Jesus. Imagine eating a bit of cake/pudding and next thing the rulers out to measure how many cms you had 💀

I think you're unreasonable for only eating 2cm of a desert!!!
You didn't deserve to eat the rest OP!

So you went shopping as you’re the SAHP currently, you bought a desert that you both enjoy and you expect DH to know that in your mind, three quarters of it was yours, but he was allowed just a quarter? Half each is surely fair? How he eats his, is not really relevant.

Does this extend to all food you buy? Carrots, mice etc?

I think the greedy bit is, expecting nice treat deserts to not be shared equally?

How was it more yours than DHs?

And if you buy another, I don’t think it will become a habit, it not tiramisu not crack cocaine, go on treat yourself buy another with the weekly shop.

It wasn’t 2cm.
20% of a 10cm square dessert is 5cm x 4cm.

The OP actually later clarified the tiramisu was 12cm sq, so 20% of that is a 6cm x 4.8cm piece.

Though I could eat a couple of helpings I know 😳
Tiramisu is yum and I have no self-control once it enters the house!!

20% of a 10cm square is bigger than 2cm, it's more like 4.7cm x 4.7cm.

And YABU, OP... you should have hidden it in the fridge behind some ageing salad that no one will ever look at; that's what I do!

Seriously? Maybe you had 22% or 23% each time so it closer to the 50% than 40%.
Ask him to replace it today.