One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

Check out my username. I clearly have a problem.

Two years ago my brother got married and the wedding was child free but my sister-in-law’s cousin’s children were flower girls; mine were not invited. I was very, very upset.

Now my problem is one of my daughters who is 9 has actually been asked to be a bridesmaid for her Godfather’s bride. We have agreed and my daughter knows about it.

When my husband told me I was of course pleased but knew my six year old would be jealous, but it was a learning opportunity, they don’t have to do the same things, her Godfather was already married when she was born yada yada. She definitely has come to terms with it.

It now emerges that she isn’t invited. Child free apart from wedding party, just like my brother’s. Two of the other children in the wedding party also have siblings who are not invited.

I can’t believe what wedding culture has become.

I am not leaving her with anyone I will have to miss wedding.

This is ridiculous, people are using kids as props in their weddings, I’d make sure they know exactly why you won’t be there and I’d actually check they don’t expect DD1 to disappear after being useful and cute in photos, giving you another logistical headache.

I don't imagine many parents would agree to their 9 year old being bridesmaid and their 6 year old not even attending and the decision to decline the offer of the role of bridesmaid would be an easy one.

I'm astonished that your daughter's godfather would think this reasonable tbh.

I don’t think it’s right to split siblings and cause upset like this. Some will say it’s the bride and groom’s choice. It is, but I would think less of them for making that choice.

You decline the invitation. Absolutely ridiculous.

That’s awful
and yes, everyone can have the wedding they want but this is mean
I wouldn’t be going either
they just want your child to be a cute addition to the pictures or they’d include your whole family

I would say neither of them are going and take your daughters out for the day instead.

My husband was told/asked between Christmas and New Year. We happily accepted not in a million years imagining her sister wouldn’t be invited. Were we naive?

Now my daughter knows and has even had lunch with bride and been given a hold-all sort of thing which she is delighted with. It’s too late to pull her out.

I would also say neither of them are going, that’s ridiculous.

I wouldn’t have been upset the first time when neither of them were invited but inviting only one young sibling is awful.

I’d just decline the invite to be honest, it’s not worth the upset.

I’m not sure why you’re being so dramatic. Childfree weddings are pretty normal. Childfree weddings apart from children in the wedding party are also pretty normal. Last time you were upset neither of your children were in the wedding party. This time you’re upset only one is.

Are you saying you’d have got childcare for both girls and gone to this wedding neither had been invited, but you feel obliged to stay at home with the six year old?

Just say you can’t go if the other child isn’t invited, don’t have anyone to watch them. Simple really.

after the ceremony what is going to happen? Are the children involved going to the dinner or are they just there to be in the photos and then shipped off elsewhere?

I hate what wedding have become. They used to be big family/community events.

It’s not too late to pull her out. Why would you allow such unkindness?

This is horrible. A six year old accepting her sister will have a leading role when she has no role is hard enough for her, but for her not to be invitted at all is bordering on being cruel. We would be coming together as a family unit and nobody going. The expenses saved would be spent on a fun day for the family. Why are people so thoughtless and mean.

You don't see an issue with a 6 year old being excluded whilst her 9 year old sister is included. Wow.

Yes but the children invited are normally part of a family you are close to so everyone would be invited in this particular circumstance. It is very weird to invite husband, wife and only one child. On the day I can imagine people coming up to the OP going where is your other child and them having to reply they weren’t invited! It would be very odd and I’d think very poorly on the bride and groom honestly.

Can you sell not going to the 9 year old by taking them to a theme park (zoo, other attraction they like!) with the money you would potentially have spent on the wedding? Have a big family day out instead!
Absolutely no way would one of my children be going and the other be left at home.

Gosh, Irish weddings are so different to this! Everyone from babes in arms to great grandparents are invited!

That’s awful.

nothing wrong with childfree weddings but inviting some kids from family units and not others is awful.

id withdraw my kid from ‘performing’ at their wedding and probably decline entirely

arseholes

It's not too late to pull out. You accepted on the basis that one daughter would have a special role, but the rest of your family would still be attending. That's not the case, so it's absolutely fine to pull out and explain why you have done so.

I don't see an issue - there are lots of things that each child will experience separately in life .....I would just plan a fun day with the 6 year old or buy then a fun equivalent gift to the hold all.

Seems like not teaching resilience to me

Irish people don’t have a hive mind 😂
Some choose child-free weddings too!

Alternatively, why are some parents of small children so melodramatic? If the invitation as issued doesn’t suit you, just decline. Last time you were ‘very, very upset’ it was a childfree wedding apart from flower girls. This time, it’s the same policy, but you’re upset only one child is a flower girl, even though the selection presumably came down to choosing the groom’s godchild.

This. I’m Irish and I got married with two witnesses. The last wedding I was at in Ireland had about 35 guests and no children. I find lots of second weddings don’t.