Page 16 | One daughter a bridesmaid one not invited

Notmotherofflowergirls · 2026-05-03T09:25:32+00:00

Check out my username. I clearly have a problem. Two years ago my brother got married and the wedding was child free but my sister-in-law’s cousin’s children were flower girls; mine were not invited. I was very, very upset. Now my problem is one of my daughters who is 9 has actually been asked to be a bridesmaid for her Godfather’s bride. We have agreed and my daughter knows about it. When my husband told me I was of course pleased but knew my six year old would be jealous, but it was a learning opportunity, they don’t have to do the same things, her Godfather was already married when she was born yada yada. She definitely has come to terms with it. It now emerges that she isn’t invited. Child free apart from wedding party, just like my brother’s. Two of the other children in the wedding party also have siblings who are not invited. I can’t believe what wedding culture has become. I am not leaving her with anyone I will have to miss wedding.

Gardenquestion22 · 05/05/2026 08:08

Go, leave 6 year old having a special day doing something else, grandparents or friends or something. I don’t think it’s such a big issue.

BeAmberZebra · 05/05/2026 08:19

SALaw · 05/05/2026 06:43

Well the OP said if neither child had been invited, her and her husband would have happily attended, so I assume there is someone (Granny or someone else) that the OP is more than happy to leave the children with.

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Not the same scenario. They’d both be there so company for each other and she wouldn’t be alone feeling like Cinderella.

Wreckinball · 05/05/2026 08:22

If the couple have no DCs they may not have even thought about the logistics or that they’ve invited 3/4 of a family and how it will affect you. We had a child free, beyond immediate family wedding and had exactly this scenario with a bridesmaid//sibling so invited them too. It was pointed out to us when we were doing the guest list before we’d sent invites so escaped your scenario, but we hadn’t thought it through. Because we weren’t parents and didn’t understand. I’d get DH to mention this to his groom friend.

Windfallwasps · 05/05/2026 08:40

Wreckinball · 05/05/2026 08:22

If the couple have no DCs they may not have even thought about the logistics or that they’ve invited 3/4 of a family and how it will affect you. We had a child free, beyond immediate family wedding and had exactly this scenario with a bridesmaid//sibling so invited them too. It was pointed out to us when we were doing the guest list before we’d sent invites so escaped your scenario, but we hadn’t thought it through. Because we weren’t parents and didn’t understand. I’d get DH to mention this to his groom friend.

He’s already mentioned it and was told the other child members of the bridal party have siblings too 🤷‍♀️

SALaw · 05/05/2026 08:44

BeAmberZebra · 05/05/2026 08:19

Not the same scenario. They’d both be there so company for each other and she wouldn’t be alone feeling like Cinderella.

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Jesus “feeling like Cinderella” is creating drama where none is needed. Parents need to take the heat out the situation for their kids, not whip them up into a frenzy about it all.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 05/05/2026 09:19

Notmotherofflowergirls · 03/05/2026 17:00

Whinge

All of the wedding party are there all day. The bride went through the menu with eldest herself.

Another thing has just occurred to me. The wedding is at 3:00 so if I am having a day out with youngest I won’t be able to help get eldest get ready or see her in her dress.

This has just occurred to me typing this.

Clearly not good at anticipating things.

I’ve read all your posts but not the replies etc so apologies for any repetition… I’d personally ask if you and your youngest can attend the ceremony as you’d both like to see her in her dress and you obviously can’t leave your youngest child at home but will leave immediately after the ceremony. A 6 year old isn’t a screaming toddler. Then you can take your youngest out.,

failing that I’d definitely tell your eldest she’s not being a bridesmaid and explain the rudeness and unkindness of the situation. They are using your eldest as a prop. If it’s no children it’s completely no children. Your eldest won’t be traumatized by it if you explain and she will be upset but so are you and your youngest. She will get over it and it will teach the bridezilla something that she will understand when she has her own family.

HarshbutTrue2 · 05/05/2026 09:54

Letamumsleep · 05/05/2026 06:48

Is it hard to fathom that some people are better parents than you? Staying with her child to ensure she doesn’t feel rejected or unloved, not good enough, end up in therapy as an adult etc.

These events do make a big marker in a child’s brain whether or not your adult brain can comprehend that.

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Step forward everyone who ended up in therapy because they weren't a 6 year old bridesmaid

Blahblahblahabla · 05/05/2026 10:13

That’s ridiculous. I would decline.

MermaidsSideEye · 05/05/2026 10:23

HarshbutTrue2 · 05/05/2026 09:54

Step forward everyone who ended up in therapy because they weren't a 6 year old bridesmaid

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Yes, I don’t think it’s going to qualify as an ACE.

BeAmberZebra · 05/05/2026 10:54

The impact on the 6 year old is being massively understated by many posters. I and many others have put forward our views and reasons for believing this will be horrible for her. However a recent poster has made a point I overlooked and is massively important. This isn’t even a one day event that can be forgotten and the little one can move on from. It will remain a focus for weeks or even months. The 9 year old will have her holdall and dress which will be brought out on many occasions. The photos will arrive and be looked at and also brought out on many occasions. It will be discussed a lot by the 9 year old and possibly other family members.
OP you simply cannot do this to your little one. Bin off this wedding, never see these people again and have a great day out with your family which whatever you do will be cheaper than attending this wedding. Lie to the 9 year old if you don’t think she’ll easily accept your reason of protecting her sister from months of unhappiness as if you are sensible you’ll never see these people again as they will probably mistreat your little one on future occasions.

FrLarryDuff · 05/05/2026 10:58

BeAmberZebra · 05/05/2026 10:54

The impact on the 6 year old is being massively understated by many posters. I and many others have put forward our views and reasons for believing this will be horrible for her. However a recent poster has made a point I overlooked and is massively important. This isn’t even a one day event that can be forgotten and the little one can move on from. It will remain a focus for weeks or even months. The 9 year old will have her holdall and dress which will be brought out on many occasions. The photos will arrive and be looked at and also brought out on many occasions. It will be discussed a lot by the 9 year old and possibly other family members.
OP you simply cannot do this to your little one. Bin off this wedding, never see these people again and have a great day out with your family which whatever you do will be cheaper than attending this wedding. Lie to the 9 year old if you don’t think she’ll easily accept your reason of protecting her sister from months of unhappiness as if you are sensible you’ll never see these people again as they will probably mistreat your little one on future occasions.

The drama and hyperbole!

This is getting ridiculous. Let the 9 year old have her special day and enjoy it. Sort something out for the 6 year old.

No ridiculous hysteria needed.

WhatNextImScared · 05/05/2026 11:00

People are gross. Children are people, not set dressing for an Instagram opportunity. YANBU.

SerafinasGoose · 05/05/2026 11:27

BeAmberZebra · 05/05/2026 10:54

The impact on the 6 year old is being massively understated by many posters. I and many others have put forward our views and reasons for believing this will be horrible for her. However a recent poster has made a point I overlooked and is massively important. This isn’t even a one day event that can be forgotten and the little one can move on from. It will remain a focus for weeks or even months. The 9 year old will have her holdall and dress which will be brought out on many occasions. The photos will arrive and be looked at and also brought out on many occasions. It will be discussed a lot by the 9 year old and possibly other family members.
OP you simply cannot do this to your little one. Bin off this wedding, never see these people again and have a great day out with your family which whatever you do will be cheaper than attending this wedding. Lie to the 9 year old if you don’t think she’ll easily accept your reason of protecting her sister from months of unhappiness as if you are sensible you’ll never see these people again as they will probably mistreat your little one on future occasions.

Bin off this wedding, never see these people again ...

A bit drastic, surely? Weddings really do not merit this amount of angst.

OP has decided that the elder daughter can attend the wedding with one parent whilst the other parent does something fun with the younger girl. They're not joined at the hip and the world won't end if they don't attend 'as a family'. The 6-year-old probably won't even remember as long as the parents don't make a big thing of it.

Snowyowl99 · 05/05/2026 13:22

Op to maybe ease things...I can tell you as an 8 year old my 10 year old sister was a junior bridesmaid at a wedding. My parents went and I was not there. I never gave it a second thought , my parents explained the situation and no big thing was made of it and I had a lovely day with my grandparents as I recall..its all a bit in the mists of time now lol
I think it is good for a child to not have the mind set that they are included in every thing. Life is not like that.
Whatever you decide to do I hope all goes well

Warmlight1 · 05/05/2026 15:10

Windfallwasps · 05/05/2026 08:40

He’s already mentioned it and was told the other child members of the bridal party have siblings too 🤷‍♀️

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The ages matter.

bumptybum · 05/05/2026 15:17

Reportingfromwherever · 03/05/2026 10:36

It’s not too late to pull her out. Why would you allow such unkindness?

Because the 9 year old will be very upset.

it’s an awful thing to not invite the sibling but it’s now too late to pull out as this will upset the other child who has done nothing wrong. She’s too young to understand the nuance.

HarshbutTrue2 · 05/05/2026 19:29

BeAmberZebra · 05/05/2026 10:54

The impact on the 6 year old is being massively understated by many posters. I and many others have put forward our views and reasons for believing this will be horrible for her. However a recent poster has made a point I overlooked and is massively important. This isn’t even a one day event that can be forgotten and the little one can move on from. It will remain a focus for weeks or even months. The 9 year old will have her holdall and dress which will be brought out on many occasions. The photos will arrive and be looked at and also brought out on many occasions. It will be discussed a lot by the 9 year old and possibly other family members.
OP you simply cannot do this to your little one. Bin off this wedding, never see these people again and have a great day out with your family which whatever you do will be cheaper than attending this wedding. Lie to the 9 year old if you don’t think she’ll easily accept your reason of protecting her sister from months of unhappiness as if you are sensible you’ll never see these people again as they will probably mistreat your little one on future occasions.

Lie to the 9 year old???

Sorry. In my family we don't tell lies to children and don't encourage children to lie. Yes, I know we are a bit strange.
Ruin the older child's day and tell her lies. Just because you are concerned about the younger child. I don't think you are the sweet caring person that you are trying to make out to be.
Please tell us more about how often you lie to your kids and about your childhood traumas.

BeAmberZebra · 05/05/2026 21:34

HarshbutTrue2 · 05/05/2026 19:29

Lie to the 9 year old???

Sorry. In my family we don't tell lies to children and don't encourage children to lie. Yes, I know we are a bit strange.
Ruin the older child's day and tell her lies. Just because you are concerned about the younger child. I don't think you are the sweet caring person that you are trying to make out to be.
Please tell us more about how often you lie to your kids and about your childhood traumas.

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Wow 🤷🏻‍♀️

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/05/2026 13:39

Warmlight1 · 05/05/2026 06:40

It wouldn't be at all normal to question numbers of bridesmaids. You do have a point that it would've been nice to have both. But perhaps the couple can't afford it.

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"I" don't think they should have asked both, but then "I'm" not the one upset that one daughter isn't invited to a child free wedding.