To ditch this mum friend?

[Travelfairy]

Invited to meet me and DD with her amd her DD at the park, there's a coffee dock nearby. Got coffee and then went to park. Immediately she saw a friend of hers left me, was talking to friend for 20 mins, came back for 5 then went back over to her for another 20 mins. Didn't seem to think this was rude behaviour. AIBU to ease off contact?
It didn't really suit me to even meet but I moved a couple of things around, she literally just ditched me 🤷‍♀️

Oh and meant to add this is the second time she has done this, in a row.

so rude . not worth yours and your DD time

Very rude. Drop.

Did she expect you to supervise her DD? Regardless, she deserves to be dropped, so rude!

That is so rude. Please never meet her again.

And be careful your house doesn’t become default play date house.

Very rude, your mistake was giving her a second chance

In one way yes i think it was rude but if the invite was so they children could play then and the kids were playing no it would not phase me as it was for the kids

I just kept things child focused yes I chatted with other parents but my main aim was not make specific friends

Why on earth didn't you say something - especially if this was the second time? People will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.

You're absolutely right, I should have but I didnt want to create tension as the girls were having fun but I made a mental note to never meet up with her again.

The the poster that said about my house becoming default play date house that was what was happening and kids (including her 2 boys) would walk through door saying they are hungry

Yanbu but I’m not sure you actually have to do anything as she doesn’t see you as a friend anyway. You are the mum of her dds friend.

Well, surely if your daughters are friends and are enjoying themselves, there's no need to say you'll never meet her again, just to reframe it as a park playdate for the children at which you need to be present?

No don't bother meeting her again. Really rude.

Yeah, you’re just her DD’s friend’s mum.
If it suits you, allow the girls to get together, but know that this mum is NOT your friend.

People can become users when you have children, I have experienced this. My rule was to do what suited my child. If that meant play dates at our house and never theirs, I accepted it if it made my child happy. If the other way round - one dd had a couple of friends who had the same 'childminder' who liked dd to be a companion for their charges- I also judged it on what my child wanted.

'Mum' friends are always more focused on their child's interests than yours.

Luckily for me most of our park sessions occurred after nursery or school so there was always someone else to chat to, when the original person who mentioned it drifted off.

But is it not just a matter of a misunderstanding? You thought the invitation was as much for her to see you as the children to play together, but in fact it was just for the children to hang out?

I mean, the other mother wasn't to know that it hadn't suited the OP to meet at that time, and that she's had to move things around to do it, because most people, if asked if they wanted to take the kids to the park to play at a time when they already had a commitment, would just say 'Can't make that, sorry. What about Tuesday?'

If my child was happy and occupied and this was a play date for this kids I wouldn’t mind. I still think it’s rude and would never behave that way myself, but if it was primarily for the kids to see eachother then…

she used you to get to the park with a friend in tow but was always on the hunt for something (she sees as) better. Total user. Be busy next time. Don’t cave.

You're the second person to say she's a 'user', but I see no evidence of that. She isn't psychic and can have had no idea the OP thought this park playdate was important enough to move other commitments for, or that the OP viewed it as also a coffee date for her and the other mother, rather than just the kids playing.

She did know because I asked to do later. She said it didn't suit as her husband was on nights the night before and she wanted to be home to 'spend time with him'. For context my own DH had been overseas with work for 2 weeks and only returned the day before 🙈🙈 I'm just an idiot! 😂

No it was intended us to hang out. We have been out together at music gigs, dinner etc together. We are 'friends' so to speak but I do feel its always on her terms. For example I am a member of a club she really wants to go to and she keeps hinting for me to bring her even though I only get 10 guest passes a year, some of which I use on my own DC!!! I think she is just one of life's users tbh and I need to wake up 🙈

Its not that I thought it 'important enough'. Its that her DD had already told my DD so I didn't want to disappoint my DD

Yeah I couldn’t be bothered with a ‘friend’ like that. It’s just such rude behaviour. Years ago before I was more assertive I had a ‘friend’ who would call me on her landline, her mobile would ring and she’d answer it and be chatting for ages on it expecting me to stay like a lemon on the other end of the landline call. One day I thought ‘Fuck it!’ and hung up and she actually fell out with me about it!

It’s rude to arrange to meet someone then to just fuck off and talk to someone else for ages. Even if the ‘friend’ saw it as a chance for just the kids to play it was rude of her to just leave OP alone. She could have included OP in the conversation with the other person.

Its amazing how lacking in self awareness some people are!!

Thanks. Exactly that. She made no effort to include me or introduce me to her friend. The friend in fairness waved to me as I was leaving, I think she even felt it was rude

I wouldn’t make any further plans with her and personally I’d just be very ‘offhand’ with her forever now. Not rude but just a quick ‘hi! Yep all good thanks, got to go’ whenever I saw her. I really have no patience or time for people like her and tbh as she clearly wasn’t bothered about being rude to me I wouldn’t worry in future if she thought I was rude 😂