What number?

[coulditbeme2323]

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

We put a set amount into a joint account for household costs and holidays. I would mention if we had an unexpected expense out of that.

I don’t check expenditure out of my own money with him, and I don’t expect him to check his with me.

We share all finances, and have been married for 25+ years.

I often spend $500 to $1000 in Costco, all household and stuff for the kids. And would never check in on spending this. But I wouldn’t buy myself a $1000 necklace without running it past him, and he wouldn’t buy a kayak or something without talking to me.

its just the way we’ve always done things.

So I'd weigh up the validity of his concerns/reservations. If they weren't I'd explain why I feel his concerns are null and void, then still go ahead and do it. If they were (e.g. we don't have the money to facilitate it long term) I'd find some way to compromise, e.g. experience days or something. Then after a few sessions of my new hobby I guess it would be apparent whether his concerns were valid or not.

Interesting - thanks for responding!

Haha that's ok. It's funny, because we rarely argue, because our lifestyle choices are similar. We both have the same view towards gym membership (it's a yes), same view towards cars (reliable, but don't need to be flashy), same view towards holidays (happy to spend to a budget) ... And we do have a comfortable amount of total monthly income, which also helps.

Honestly, whatever works! I think as long as both partners have the same input and say into what happens, it doesn’t matter all that much.

I do actually have my "own" money as I have investments, but I think what you have just posted is probably the saddest thing I have ever read on MN.

You seem to be suggesting that if a couple decide the wife should be a SAHP that the wife needs to ask permission for money she needs to spend, but the husband can do what he wants.

That's called financial abuse.

It’s called reality.

Well I am glad that it isn't mine, its abuse pure and simple.

Not reality for most of us @Blossomtoes

Many of us are equal partners in a relationship.
Many of us work on the principle that all money is 'our money'. Yes, once you can afford it, it is nice to have personal spending money - the same amount each - but first and foremost, all money and assets belong to both of us in our relationship.