What number?

[coulditbeme2323]

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

Fair enough.

We have a joint spending account, I’ve gone to Tesco before scanned it all through £98 💀 I called him to explain, he didn’t care but I felt that was a bit much in one go, I’ll usually call and say hey I need to get xy&z itll probably be about £60 he never cared but I’ve been finally abused in the past so I check if it’s over £40/£50

if also depends where we are in the month, if it’s the day before payday it’s essentials only 🤣

I (being bold here!!) wonder if non-married couples have a problem with marriage - possibly that they think people who are married think they're better than them - for whatever reason - which is why they're bashing you op. Even though you actually aren't bashing at all and I completely empathise. I understand what you're saying about marriage being more financially secure.
Correlation doesn't equal causation, but I'm intrigued that there may well be a correlation between spending habits and marriage... Because people who are married may be statistically more likely to share all that they have ("all that I am I give to you and all that I have I share with you" etc) ... Because of the nature of what marriage means... A union... A mutual trust and respect, where you've promised to honour the other person. The putting of someone else before yourself and being one etc etc.
Why would I as a married person want to dishonour my husband by spending all our money and why would my husband do that to me? Or why would I want to waste our money so we had hardship and couldn't afford what we needed. And vice versa. Therefore we have mutual respect with our shared assets because we have grown together in value and are doing this life together. My dh and I have surpassed the average at which married couples divorce. So it encourages me that we are grown together in union and therefore in spending habits.

This is just my ramblings !! Thanks for the thoughts op.

Seems reasonable. Though again all your examples in the thread - 100k car, 1k coat, 10k-+ watch - cement why you’re so keen on the ‘financial protection’ of marriage.

Bit Stepford wife for me, a man putting clothes on my back, but it works for you that’s great.

It was always the plan to go back not because it would have made much difference financially, but because I loved it.

I just couldn't leave the children.

Go back to work? Well if they’re young you can go back when they’re older. If you want to.

Ignoring the complete tangent the thread went off into, and returning to the original question, the 'number' or figure' would totally depend on what stage of life your were at or where you were financially.

I totally agree with this.

About 20 years ago we would have to ask each other if it was OK to do the grocery shopping that day or do we have to leave it until some money came in we were that skint. Both of us working, neither of us spend thifts but the financial crisis hit dhs buisness hard.
However with a change of fortune, mortgage paid off , kids left home and dh's business becoming successful again and I'm still working, life is easier.

Probably £500 or more.

joint account

Dishonour your husband by spending money? Strange!

I may well.

No set figure but naturally bigger purchases would involve discussion anyway. I don't want DH buying furniture or booking holidays without any discussion . We're both sensible so wouldn't be splashing loads of cash on frivolous things anyway

There is no my money or his money, it's our money

Precisely. Lots of women are sahm's or part time so the bulk of the money is brought in by the men. (Or women if vice versa) It's still our money. I've always been a sahm (through necessity) and so have earned no money.
Under these circumstances if I wanted to chuck £500 on a new handbag I'd certainly check with him first. But not if we needed a new kettle, for example.

Would you want him to check with you before purchasing something for £500?

Pardon? My DP is exactly the same as a DH. We’ve been together nearly 25 years theres no difference. We own a house together, mortgage bills all together.

There are lots of people taking this personally, I meant legally nothing else.

This is just my ramblings !! Thanks for the thoughts op

I agree with your ramblings.

You said partners were different to spouses when it comes to spending money, there is no legal basis for this.

I think we have been over this, I have clarified what I meant a number of times.

Would you want him to check with you before purchasing something for £500?

I wouldn't necessarily want him to, but he would anyway. He values my opinion.

Usually anything over £250. Apart from the new freezer which his first clue was....gimme a hand out the car would you 🤣
But it's more a discussion or I'm saving for such and such. If it's important to me he will then do things like top my car up with fuel so I can put some of my own money aside extra to save and vice versa

As long as we have both paid our share of the bills I’ll buy what I want without checking. I ordered a new car and told him in passing. My money I’ll do what I like with it

The MSE link you posted with the 9 financial benefits of marriage:

1. Only applies if one party is a very low/non earner, so won't apply for many couples. I doubt it would be a sufficient incentive to marry in any case.

2 & 3 - inheritance tax, so irrelevant for finances during life.

1. Savings and investments allowance - over 40% (no idea how much, but that's the proportion with no savings at all) of households won't have enough for this to be relevant. Probably closer to 80% of people won't pay tax on savings anyway. HNW people probably have enough disposable that it's irrelevant as a consideration.
2. Capital gains allowance - relevant in some years to some people, but for most, I reckon irrelevant or so infrequent that it wouldn't affect day to day sharing of finances.
3. Protection if relationship ends - important in life, but irrelevant for day to day sharing of finances, since that's pretty much the literal opposite case.
4. State pension increase after one spouse dies - irrelevant for day to day living
5. ISA allowance transfer on death - irrelevant for day to day living
6. Estate doesn't automatically pass to partner without a will - important in life but irrelevant for day to day living.

So again, @coulditbeme2323 - what was your actual connection of these nine cited legal implications of being married for how you share day to day finances? Given that most of them are only relevant on divorce (1/9) or death (5/9), and the other 3 are of marginal or no utility to most people.

I'm with the people who say: we don't share finances, and I wouldn't ask for any amount, it's my money. In as much as it's something that affects our life together, such as holiday, car, redecoration etc, I would ask, but for the social aspects, not the financial ones.

Married but earn more and have no shared kids. I do what I want with my money. If so spend on a holiday or tickets to a gig I‘ll pay for my husband. I just don’t feel the need to seek his „blessing“ and he’s cool with it all. If I am in a sticky financial situation I equally don’t bother him and I don’t curtail his spending. We’re both sensible adults.

Again I think it's probably different in a blended family.

I honestly do think some - not just you - are overestimating how well protected you are. Spend the money while you can, absolutely. But remember if he wants to get out of the marriage he’s the one with the financial power to do so, and to make sure he’s well protected. And you’ll only find out how generous or otherwise he really is if things go wrong. Hopefully they won’t, and you’ve all married men with hearts of gold and insoluble intentions. But I’ve seen plenty of high earning men with SAHW turn into different people when the kids reached adolescence, or when they met a dynamic young colleague. Their wives did ok but they weren’t splashing out on rose gold watches or even £500 handbags after the divorce trust me!