What number?

[coulditbeme2323]

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

I'd need to discuss it if it was above about 50 quid. As it would eat into the general household budget.

But not so much a discussion as I wouldn't bother trying to buy anything I knew me/my family couldn't afford. It would only come up really if I knew it would be viable.

So it would be 'oh, seeing as we've got X to spare, I'm spending my half on Y'.

Anything over 1K would be discussed.

I mean each to their own, but I wouldn't go out and spend 40grand on a Rolex without talking to my husband.
I don't view that as him being in charge, just a sign of respect.
Serious question, why not? Why would you have to talk about buying something expensive if it was coming out of your own money. Why is it not respecful if you dont mention it.

I think the only time I mention big financial purchases are if its for the house and he has to live with it as well or if Im undecided between a couple of things, so id say ' this or that, what do you think?'

There is no my money or his money, it's our money.

There is no my money or his money, it's our money.
It's kind of the same with us. The isa's and stocks and shares are in individual names obviously.
However we both have made some huge purchases and dont always consult the other in detail.
As long as there is money in the bank, we have what we need and bills are getting paid, all is good.

I'm married and yes, some people do spend wild amounts without telling their spouse.

Soon to be x-DH bought a flat in European country without telling me - all £200k of it, and did that twice!

We have separate accounts... I didn't divorce him after finding out about them both though because well... oh that's a story for another time.

Being married and big spends like this- whether consulted or not - makes no difference during the course of the marriage - it's only at the end, during a divorce that there's a difference legally.

The article you keep referring to has no merit to the question asked. It names benefits to being married but they themselves don't encourage or discourage talking about large spends between spouses.

The only thing at stake in your question really, is trust, whether you are married or not. Marriage certainly is a legal contract and it's one that has to be formally unwound.

Looking back, DH was not trustworthy but I was vulnerable with young kids and tolerated financial abuse. In the end it's a discussion of values and fairness, not legality. Some people are very transactional and primed to be selfish and others are far more empathetic and driven by fairness. Better when you both are from similar value systems.

Ignoring the complete tangent the thread went off into, and returning to the original question, the 'number' or figure' would totally depend on what stage of life your were at or where you were financially.

Now we no longer have dc at home, and our mortgage is paid off, and we have both reached much better paid positions, the amount either one of us could spend on something without bringing it into a conversation first is completely different from when we were in the first 20 years of our marriage, when we were literally balancing our bank account to the penny every month. At that stage, we would take cash out and know that when it was gone, it was gone, so really more than a couple of ££.
Now, I could comfortably spend a couple of hundred pounds on something without him even realising, and same for him, without me realising. We wouldn't need to 'consult' about amounts under a couple of thousand, but would just check with each other that the other hadn't got a similar amount just about to come out of the account if either of us suddenly needed to spend that sort of amount.

Been with my dp for 15yrs, we have sepearate accounts, seperate savings, joint/savings acc. It would be no different to being married tbh. If ever I need anything extra from joint I run it by dp, i don't ask permission per se

Out of the joint account or generally? I’d ask before spending anything out the joint account that isn’t what we designate it for - bills, food, kids clubs. Because we only really put in enough to cover those things. My own money I would never check unless it would put me in debt. We have joint savings and we would jointly decide what to use them for.

In answer to your question I think it would be about £200ish and over

What aspect of matrimonial law relates to this issue that you've started a thread about?

It's in the thread.

Maybe it would be different if you were earning too? Would you still feel it was "disrespectful" to not consult, if you'd earned it yourself? Perhaps that's the difference, rather than marriage itself.
If I wasn't contributing money I probably would think I should consult the person who was, before I bought something outside of the normal day to day stuff. Even if it was all accessible in joint funds etc.

No luv. It's not. I'm out.

Not at all, he wouldn't spend 50k without speaking to me.

It really is. Multiple times actually.

I wouldn't check before purchasing anything, my DH doesn't care what I spend. We both work full time, he earns quite a bit more than me but our finances are shared.

I’d probably mention anything over £5k but not for approvals purposes, more because it is likely to be something reasonably interesting or significant.

We’ve both committed to far higher investment decisions without telling each other but I wouldn’t consider that as spending.

Yeah this. I'd never ask permission to spend money. But things that really I don't want to be solely in charge of, like holiday planning, gift buying, animal buying, we talk about. If I wasn't sure a purchase was worth it I'd ask his opinion. Not because he's some form of authority or would have an issue but because he's a second brain to help do the thinking.

Our money is completely joint. One pot. It's all household money here, doesn't matter who earned it.

You actually haven't explained what part of the law relates to the thread you have started, which is about what amount you would check with your husband before spending. The reason is there is no law relating to this. Credentials are that I'm a divorce solicitor.

separate finances here. We pay our equal share or the bills and the rest of our money is ours. Never discuss big purchases. My man is a car freak and regularly buys another car. I have no idea what savings he has and he has no idea of mine. 15 years, never had an issue

I bought some £200 boots recently didn't check as it's my money but didn't keep it secret either. Just as well as the delivery man came with a massive box with All Saints written on it when I was out and DH took delivery !

As I say it's in the thread.

And to answer your question there is quite obviously no law that states married couples have to run purchases past each other. I don't think anybody including myself is suggesting that.

My point was that married couples may (please note the word may) be more likely to do so, as marriage links you financially.

Are you the author of the article desperate to get your numbers up?

Nothing in that list is relevant to the thread you’ve started.

You were asked: What aspect of matrimonial law relates to this issue that you've started a thread about?

You responded: it's in the thread

It was not in the thread as it doesn't exist.

HTH.