To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

Your husband is going to sulk ALL DAY? IS he 12?

I don’t understand why you’re doing all the cooking, and the majority of the washing up, hoovering etc. Why isn’t your husband pulling his weight? I think you need to be way more assertive. Your child can make his own breakfasts and lunches. My partner had a thing about us eating every meal together but it was just extra faff, it’s easier to fix our own breakfasts most of the time.

Stop being a fecking martyr and tell 16 year old to make his own lunch.

If someone asked me to make them food when I’d just finished making my own I’d say “tough luck, you’re too late”. If I had time and patience and felt nice I might offer them the one I’d just made and then make my own - but only if that felt reciprocated (eg DH would do that for me in a heartbeat so I’d do it for him!)

It's definitely time for a family wide conversation about chores. You both work full time and you have teenage kids. It's time to put everything on the table. This is not your sole burden to carry.

YANBU

Have lots of little lie downs. Lots and lots of them. Every time someone asks you to do something, lie down instead.

Can't DS switch the oven on and cook his own chicken goujons? He is 16, not 6 - I think you are doing too much for him.

Get an air fryer and the teenager can make his own goujons and snacks. He has to wash it up afterwards.

That’s seriously hard work.

I think the difference is that the OP’s partner is a capable adult who’s maybe not pulling his weight.

When our children are little we expect to have to do everything for them. When there’s another adult in the house you shouldn’t have to be their maid.

Stop making excuses.

You're creating a lazy 16 year old who thinks his parents' sole job is to wait on him.

This will not serve him well in the future.

It sounds like you're stressed and you took it out on him during a time you probably both didn't expect it? Is it unreasonable to feel stressed and react? I don't think so? Is it unreasonable for it to get to this level? I think so, yes. Is there anyway you can realign things so you both don't suffer from burnout etc? I think everyone has bad days. Just apologise, if you want, or explain yourself or ignore it and move on. I don't know how your relationship works but, if he was surprised and you're writing about it here, it probably bothers you.

Hope you have a better day today.

This sounds crazy to me. Maybe slightly different as I’m a single mum but my 14 yo dd sorts her own breakfast, lunch, snacks etc. I make us both an evening meal.
any reason why you can’t all do this?

Your 16 year old should be perfectly capable of understanding what food he can use to make himself lunches and how much of and MAKING IT HIMSELF.
Your husband needs to be told that sulking is childish and unattractive.

love this......if only.....

My kid has a learning disability and still capable of making himself lunch with the air fryer or mircowave…. What the hell is your 16 year olds excuse? No wonder your exhausted your babying your teenager!

lol

Have a good think about what kind of man your son will grow into, at the moment it's probably one who thinks it's a woman's job to cater to him.

What do you mean 'if only'?

You're not a passenger in your own life.

And despite what you may think, you're definitely not doing your DC any favours.

I've never heard anything as ridiculous as 'if only'.

exactly dc will turn into one of those adults incapable of doing anything for themselves and op will wonder why they still live at home in their 40s. Sort it out op.

Or another woman will get saddled with a useless, entitled husband.

Like the world needs more of those.

This is not normal from an adult.

Ahh so he’s a sulker. Your 1950s housewife behaviour makes sense now. You’re treading on eggshells, working and fulfilling every whim of your H and Dc to ensure he doesn’t sulk for a whole day.

Today-

You’re working
You told him you were exhausted
You asked him if he wanted eggs before you made yours, he said no
He then asks for some when you’ve finished making yours.

No wonder you snapped at him.

The fact you’re asking if YABU says a lot about the way you’re treated in your household.

You need to have a serious chat with H and tell him you feel like you’re a 1950s housewife and it needs to stop.

This for starters!

if your teen is sitting exams they don't need to be babied having their lunch made for them & hot drinks or mummy getting them ready for school & daddy taking them.

if you were making breakfast for yourself why didn't you ask DH if he wanted the same?

I hope he tilted his head at you, asked you if you meant to be so rude and then gave you a Paddington hard stare.

You all need to grow up and stop making mountains out of molehills when it comes to meals.

We both work from home and fend for ourselves for meals or sometimes eat leftovers or meat we’ve cooked off for lunches in a salad or sandwich.

A highschooler can make their own lunch.