To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

Your 16 year old comes home from school every single day for lunch ?
does that mean someone goes in the car to pick him up and drives him back ?
as he is driven to school in the morning.

Jeez - the pair of you need to cop on. You only have one teenaged child between two able bodied adults...

You're not splitting the atom here.

when my 91 year old father in law is here from India, it gets even more fun - I need to 'serve' the food to him and H and DS. I don;t want an outright conflict with a 90 year old.

DS pointed out how odd this was on the last India 'holiday' which just might be my last India holiday ever as I was so exhausted. Even H had to admonish his dad at times. So tired.

I work FT too, am a professional , and contribute as much to the bills
He does the grocery shop, the car pool runs and some peacocking otherwise.

You’re all making mountains out of molehills. Two adults and a teen should be able to manage normal life without all this drama and exhaustion. Yes the rest of the family should be doing their share but equally you sound like you’re being a martyr and fussing about nothing- do you really need a lie down after doing the school run? Are you actually exhausted because you went out for dinner with friends 5 days ago? Overwhelmed by putting a wash on? If so maybe go to the Gp.

Your husband’s request was perfectly reasonable but his sulking isn’t. Just stop all the drama, both of you.

You laugh loudly and point to the fridge. If you've always waited on them it is no wonder they have come to expect it.
Just be a bit less available. Think of any future poor dils you will be passing your hopeless dc onto.

In our house, where we both wfh, DH gets breakfast, we get our own lunches, and I usually get dinner. DH may cook dinner on a Sunday, or if people come for lunch at a weekend. Whoever cooks, we both load the dishwasher and the other washes up anything, that can’t go in the dishwasher. I do most of the housework, while he mows the lawns, puts the bins out and does the diy. He does more paid work than me.

I thought DH lived in the 1950s, but he’s got nothing on OP’s DH.

Its true ......you're right

You could post on Mumsnet for an hour, telling us you don't know what to do.

Indeed, both mine can use the washing machine, my DD14 made hung the laundry out to dry this morning and my DS put his own washing on. By mid-teens household organisation is team work, not mum doing everything. I’d have snapped too.

Say yes. Seriously, you're raising him to be a pathetic manbaby. Who the hell expects chicken curry and rice catered for their lunch every day or they'll go boo hoo hoo? He's not some little princeling and you're not some soppy slave. Toughen up a touch! Parenting doesn't mean doing everything for them. It means raising them to be fully functioning independent units.

It has been an hour hasn't it

My 8 year old can make her own lunch. She makes pasta and sandwiches, and gets her own snacks. She asks to do other stuff but I won't let her use the oven yet.

And hot chocolates using the pods in the coffee machine.

Give yourself a break, op. Let the men fend for themselves a bit more.

OK yes thx

You tell him a sandwich is a perfectly good lunch and if he wants chicken curry he’ll need to learn how to make it.

Surely you say, in this situation, your dad is making your lunch today and leave them to sort it out between them?

As much as I agree with getting the teen to do more, I wouldn’t push work onto the teen because dad is sulking.

haven’t rtft but if you haven’t come across it, look up Fair Play by Eve Rodsky about invisible labour, pink and blue jobs. She also created a card game where you each claim cards representing the jobs you do. It’s a very effective give way to start the discussion, because most men are naturally competitive and want to win more cards, and it’s a very visual demonstration of their laziness.

https://fairplaypolicy.org/the-cards

Yes, a slow burner for sure.

YES! How do you think they will survive uni in a couple of years.

Seriously you’re martyring yourself. You need a new rule where everyone makes their own breakfast/lunch/snacks and drinks.

Why can’t a 15/16 year old cook his own chicken goujons ffs?! Turn on oven, open packet, place on baking tray and put in oven, set timer, put on oven gloves and remove from oven.

My kids have been able to sort themselves and cook basic meals like pasta from age 10 🤐

No you don't need to serve anyone. Your conflict aversion is ridiculous and what you're doing for a 91yo is being repeated through the generations making a 16yo think women are there to cater for their poor ikkle hungry tummies. Do you really want to make this boy into the kind of husband who expects his wife to do all this shit? Ffs get a grip and start acting like you're an equal to them.

You tell him that yes, it's just a sandwich.

Would you be doing all this if he was a girl?

You're mollycoddling him, time to prepare him for the real world.

tell him to stop being so fucking rude

No, don't. When DC asks, say, 'Dad is in charge of lunch.' and go back to WFH. And if he says, Dad isn't doing it, tell him to make himself a sandwich then.

You don't have to leap into chief cook and bottle washer. You have an apple and a piece of cheese. NOTHING for DH.

(This sounds like I'm blaming you. I'm not. This is the age old domestic load of women. RESIST!)

Exactly, I’m constantly having to remind my teens that lunch is not an exciting meal and a sandwich is standard for most people.

I think, for you, you need to have a think about it all really. I think it's more cultural than anything else. It's not that practical to make currries for one at lunchtime. So you all need to take turns or eat 'western' or make curries for dinner (taking turns) & the left overs are for lunch the next day.

As a family decide how you're going to eat & then sort out something that means you're ALL contributing. 16 year olds (even if male!!)
Can cook, they just need teaching.

Hes living in England, You need to teach him to cook, clean, operate the washing machine if you want him to have a happy relationship in the uk. & given English is the only language he speaks (what a shame) he's pretty limited in finding a wife/domestic in another country!

maybe get his legs used to walking too!!

In a nutshell. That boy sounds very spoiled and demanding.