To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

Sickness is caused by viruses or bacteria or other pathogens. Not by mums feeling tired and talking about their feelings anonymously.

At 16 I could certainly operate a washing machine. I could make my own breakfast and lunch. Don't think I ever made a full meal for my family either - but I cooked my own dinners a lot after a certain age. My mum was a single parent and she worked so we didn't eat all at the same time

I don't think my wee brother ever cooked when he lived at home but when he moved out he used to come to my mums once a week and cook her a meal. For years

I take my mum out as much as I can because I appreciate her and I maybe didn't appreciate her enough when I was in my teens

I actually went veggie at 16 and my stock lunch for school was rolls and cheese with green pepper. Took me two minutes to make

Unfortunately, I think it’s worse than that.
I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with people’s EI. It looks to me that people enjoy having a go BECAUSE they realise she’s at her wits end.
Sad to say. 😢

In that case, as you offered when it would have been easy to just do double quantities and he refused, you are quite justified to be annoyed that he changes his mind and wants you to do him a portion from scratch.

That’s an odd thing for DH to do and sounds like game playing to me. Does he often do things like that.

You need to stop running around after these people who are old enough to sort themselves out. Everyone should be sorting out their own breakfast and lunch and then taking it in turns to prepare the evening meal. That includes your DC, but maybe he gets a temporary pass while he is in the middle of exams.

Not sure if that was game playing or just moody inconsistent behaviour, hard to say really.....

After my tearful breakdown yesterday morning (partly just worry about DS having a tummy bug during exams now) - H and I talked and he said he will be doing the cooking this whole week (already batch cooked quite a bit yesterday and appears to be doing more this morn) - he said it a bit like ' I can do all the cooking this week, no biggie, no drama....' harumph :-)

He was cooking this morning while chatting to FIL and mentioned making breakfast as if he does it everyday, not just today after my tearfulness yesterday haha .....and FIL was all like very good , yes as if that was perfectly reasonable for a husband to cook half the time when wife works - but if DH were to say, I will never cook again another day as I AM MAN regardless of whether the little woman works as well or not - I can see FIL nodding along reasonably to that as well. He might be sad about it if it was his daughter rather than DIL tho. Thats a whole other in law rant though isnt it, and a global phenomena from what I read all the time on here.

Your husband should be taking a bigger share of cooking and cleaning going forward - it should not take a crisis where you are exhausted to get him to step up.

The big “I’ll do ALL the cooking this week!” gesture is all very well, but sounds quite likely it’s a performative one off to placate you and he doesn’t really think he has done anything wrong. Especially with the showing off to his DF about what a great helpful husband he is - sounds like a bit of a passive aggressive dig at you for not doing your “wifely duty” possibly. You would know more about the tone used.

The test will be if he keeps up the effort long term. Somehow I doubt it. The only way forward will be to just stop cooking for both of them and point to the fridge when they start bleating. Your DH is a grown man FGS, he won’t starve. Perhaps give your DS some coaching in how to prepare simple lunches if he really is clueless, but then let him get on with it. He will likely be living independently at uni in 2 years, he needs to learn this stuff!

Good luck OP, don’t let these two make you their servant.

Honestly OP that is a ridiculous amount of constant cooking for three people. It sounds like one of you is constantly in the kitchen! And on a related note, how are you able to work FT and be cooking such elaborate dishes every morning and lunchtime?

And the way you speak about your son is a bit strange to me. You talk about him like he’s a child. Why are you tearful because he’s got a stomach upset? Why has that thrown your whole weekend? He’s 16! He’ll be absolutely fine - you don’t need to hover around him because he’s under the weather. Why are you tying yourself up in knots over all this?

Agree so much with this.

When my DDs left home for uni at 18, I made sure they could do all of the above, plus make a full roast lunch and be competent in 4 other of their favourite recipes.

If I had had sons I’d have been even more insistent on developing their “domestic” skills because I wouldn’t want them leaving home thinking it was someone else’s job to facilitate their eating/cleaning/laundry etc for the rest of their lives.

Your son is 16, it isn’t too late for him to develop these important life skills. It’s in your and your H’s hands.

Isn't there 2 weeks until GCSEs start? I know my SD's first exam is a BTEC and that's next week, but it's the fortnight after that when she's really in the thick of it and then she has a few dotted around until mid June. A stomach bug very rarely lasts longer than 48 hours.

Exams should be all finished by the end of June and he will have 2 whole months before starting 6th form. This is his time to really work on life skills. If he can get a job in a hotel or restaurant kitchen then he will quickly learn some cooking and cleaning skills and earn a bit of money to save towards Uni or enjoy now.