To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

Still very unclear why you're doing things like "hot snacks" for the kids and they aren't doing it themselves? And surely they're capable of picking up a piece of fruit for snack themselves? 16 yo can certianly make own lunch and clear up.

adn kids can make themselves breakfast?

Stop being martyr

Genuine question - your mid-teens make their own lunch?

Your husband sounds quite childish and hard work. I couldn't imagine not offering to sort out any meals for my family for 4 days. Unless he was doing some kind of big project for the household or something which was taking up all his time. The sulking would make me not want to cook for him again tbh, completely unnecessary of him given you offered him breakfast and he turned down the offer initially. Son should be old enough to make himself a sandwich for lunch though.

My 6 year old makes her own lunch! (every Saturday..) and is quite cppble of making a sandwich, moving fruit form a bowl to her plate and getting yoghurt form the firdge

Of course a teenager can do it - don't they have hands or eyes?

Yes! I don’t know any teen that doesn’t!

This is where my pedantry about language would come in handy.

The obvious answer to "Can I get some toast and eggs too" being "Of course". Then let him get them.

Well if you want to calm this down.

You go & say, sorry I snapped earlier, just feeling maxed out on being kitchen slave.” Leave it there see if he steps up

Its usually DH saying lets give him hot chocs when we have coffee and then I end up doing it haha

Why? Not sure why you think it's funny either. You can't act like a martyr and then complain.

Well this would be easier if you'd stop dripping feeding!

you asked, he said, no then changed his mind when yours was ready 'no. You missed your chance when you said no. You'll have to make your own now'. (Or if he's generally lively ud have given him mine & made more, but not if he's an arse!)

as for hot chocolate for the DC tell him that's a lovelyidea if YOU want to make him one.

My 5 year old boy made his own breakfast this morning, I’m training him up to make his own lunch 🤣

You should be constantly training your kid discreetly for adulthood so they don’t end up marrying and needing a wife to babysit them.

Yes and also I think DH is the one sending the strong message that we should be cooking for DC and not asking them to do it themselves. He does ask DS to lawn mow, and wash his own cutlery and get his own fruit ofc and small stuff like that

I tell DS he has to get his own laundry bag downstairs on a saturday and load the machine then call one of us to set it to start the wash

Hard to imagine this much agg when it's two adults and an almost grown DC. Why is anyone having to cater for the rest and keeping score of it all? People can surely get some cereal for breakfast or knock up a sandwich for lunch or give a lift without adding it to a tally and bringing it up like DH did. Sounds like you've carried on acting like the DC is still a tot. It really shouldn't be this difficult. Order in a grocery shop. People make their brek/lunch, take turns with dinner and lifts. No one takes the piss and no one overdoes it to the point of snapping. In short YANBU, but the whole situation is U because it should be a very low stress unit.

At 15 I didn’t want my mum and dad making my lunch to be fair. I was actually cooking for them!!!

sounds like I have one entitled Asian Male already and am busy raising another one to be the same ....

Your teens make their own lunch regularly or sometimes

As a mid-teen they should be perfectly capapble of:

• sorting their own breakfast - and even cooking for everyone - such a s a big pan of porridge
• Making their own lunches
• Sorting their own snacks - including "hot snacks" (which wouldn't be an option in my house tbh unlessit was toast/crumpets)
• making some snacks for everyone of the week, like flapjacks, cookies, cakes etc

We eat differently, the lunch leftovers are for dinner

Stop being a slave. DC can make their own lunch, JFC, I was cooking my whole family meals aged 12. If DH says DC needs meals made - you're very welcome to do it darling, smile sweetly. Tell him he needs to do half of things - what are you making for dinner tonight darling? What am I making - oh no, I cooked last night, your turn tonight. Etc

YANBU. Sometimes I'm happy to offer or make stuff for DH or DDs at their request if I'm doing something myself but sometimes you just want to fit your own oxygen mask and sort yourself out.

It has calmed down somewhat now but a few short years ago in the teenager and elderly parent trenches some days I just wanted to leave them all to it and go and live on my own in a tiny cottage.

When I was a primary school child - i made my packed lunch every single day.

at secondary - i had to cook family dinner every wednesday

Everyone just sorted thir own breakfast and ate together - i'd often have toas,t borther cereal, mum eggs... - and occasionally one person might make porridge or dippy eggs for everyone

None of this is normal!

Ah okay, I think you mean sandwiches for lunch and for us it is usually a curry and rice , or a rice with veggies stir fried in it with soy sauce ....or egg noodles if really basic......

Although pre pandemic when going into office 5 days a week, it was sandwich or salad or soup only at work and I was a lot fitter

So your 16 year old doesn't prepare any of his own food? Even to the point of getting fruit from the bowl? You say goujons in the oven as if the 16 year old couldn't possibly manage an oven. My 9 year old looks after his own drinks and snacks, and he helps make his own breakfast.

The only meal cooked for all by one person in our house is dinner. We look after ourselves for breakfast, lunch, snacks and drinks.

I can't imagine DH interrupting me eating or working in order to make him food or a coffee.

so what?

Still doesn't explain why you're doing everything for your very much old enough kids

A mini lie down at 9.30am?

Why are you making breakfast and snacks and hot chocolates for a 16 year old?? Agree that he can walk to school.

How on earth will he form any kid of independence with you coddling him like this.

Yes to husband making his own breakfast, but stop martyring yourself so much for an almost grown up Son.

Of course!