To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

So people who work from home are cooking rather than working? No wonder employers want people back in the office

Except she previously made simple foods like soup and sandwiches - it only changed to curries etc. from scratch relatively recently.

Her husband WFH too. So no reason he should be expecting OP to be doing all the cooking.

I don't think she said she wasn't managing her diary

OP, I don't mean to be rude, but if you're all sat at home, working at a desk or studying, how on earth are you all eating so much?! This all sounds completely unnecessary and OTT in so many ways.

You have one child. One. And he is 16!

Yes he can use a washing machine, Yes he can make himself lunch or whatever snacks he may or may not want. Why do you think he can't?

You are massively overthinking everything with all this who makes the tea, or the hot chocolates ... Wtf?

If you are making a particular effort with your son's breakfasts, etc right now because he has GCSEs, then fair enough.

But otherwise - stop! If you happen to be making something and other people want some then fine. But beyond this, your son can use a kitchen as well as you. You are 3 adults, all with 2 hands each.

My DH is Indian too and my teens (4 of them) sort themselves out largely. And yes, some of them are boys! You are not raising a prince in the clouds. Get him to make you a curry and be done with it.

Oh you’re Asian

I broke that ‘culture/ tradition ‘ from early

Hands up who hasn't read the thread!

You have high school aged kids and you make them morning and evening snacks?! And you’re worried about them getting bugs from takeaways?

Do less.

I would be very surprised if the son knows how to make a curry from scratch. I got it wrong earlier. Apparently the son does a bit of washing up and washes his own cutlery and mows the grass sometimes but that seems to be about it. It was the comment about being disappointed in a sandwich and no chicken curry at lunchtime that got me and the wanting rice and dal for breakfast after having a stomach upset

It obviously doesn't help that the father is defaulting to doing very little around the house at the moment

One kid. One husband who is doing less by the day.

Op. You said something earlier in the thread that it's your husband that is telling you that you need to make meals for your son, I'm sure. That would be fine if his lunches were simple but he's getting home cooked curries. Someone mentioned a slow cooker earlier in the thread. I don't think that's a bad idea but I still don't think the onus should be on you to do all the cooking

Surely if you have or you get a slow cooker your husband can prepare a curry at night and there will be something to eat at lunchtime

Seriously - you and your husband need to split everything and your son needs to pitch in

Your son can make his own sandwich at lunchtime. He does not need chicken curry or rice and dal every lunchtime

He can go in the kitchen and make himself a cheese sandwich or whatever he likes. When I was 16 I used to either get a school dinner or I took a packed lunch and if I took a packed lunch. I made it myself. Including during exam times because back in the day we got no study leave before exams - only in between them

Your husband really should not be pushing you to do all the cooking for him and your son. It's really unfair

Thanks @SpryTaupeTurtle and other posters....

Even worse. You ought to be able to do nothing for days and have the slack picked up in the family. Jesus.

I would not wish this on anyone but I had an accident a couple of years ago. Complicated fracture. I live alone and I could do pretty much zero for myself for a couple of months. My mum only lives two bus stops away so she came most days and made me sandwiches.

What would happen if the OP was sick/busy/had an accident/on holiday/out with friends for the day

Obviously the husband could pick up the slack. He's just choosing not to/sulking. Promoting the idea that it's her job to run after them because of culture/tradition?

It's unbelievable to me that she's having to run after them on her days off as well - at the weekend too

Id be launching the dal at the wall and buggering off to the pub/gym/anywhere

Exactly @SpryTaupeTurtle .....

Turns out DS unfortunately really has fallen sick today , very worrying as floppy , tired and not eating , only sipping water and on paracetamol, temps down now though and the stomach seems to have settled since morning gradually. No rash, no stiffness of neck (Still anxious about meningitis after the kent outbreak)

I think hes very worried about not getting well by tuesday for the next exam.

SO much for home cooked food 24/7 to keep the bugs away during exam season

I went to Asda today as H had forgotten too many things yesterday and bought stuff we didnt need and came back in a rush yesterday from the shops for a work project he has been doing over the weekend as it is overdue (not thrilled by this)

So I went today and got loads of soups, breads, pasta, sauces, finger food snacks and veg that can be eaten as finger food with dips. I am set to feed three ppl with very little 'cooking from scratch' this week but still staying on the right side of healthy eating

H did make a curry just now to freeze/fridge for the next few days ahead , meanwhile.

We are cooking and eating way too much has been my main learning from the thread to start with, even before coming to the point of fair division

were you 'Sprycat' before name change @SpryTaupeTurtle .....I have had advice from you, before, if so, before my own recent name change to not be outing with friends on here (not sure if that works really).

I just need to take more of the good advice I get seriously

Well that's something. Hopefully your son will feel better by Tuesday and your husband will take on more of the cooking going forward - and then you can have some sort of rota for cleaning as well

No - that wasn't me. Yes. It's easy to fall into habits. Don't let people make you feel that it's your role to do everything - because it really isn't. There are too many women who work full of part time and take up most of the slack when it comes to housework /caring.

I wrote a uni essay about this last year. It's referred to as time poverty. Women on average spend 30 minutes - 2 hours a day on things like cooking cleaning, caring and that's often on top of work - that's worldwide

And it's more pronounced when theres kids in the family

Totally random question, how much is your gas/electric bill with so much cooking!!!

That did cross my mind today :)

Totally agree with this.

Hey my gas/electric was 145£ last month, is that high? Its a large house and I miss when we lived in a cosy two bed apt up and till a few years ago. will downsize in two years if not sooner

So H cooked up a storm today and I have put it all in the fridge and frozen some of it too

No cooking for a week

But I feel guilty now that I came on here to whinge about H and somehow it became more about how much son has been asking for to eat - as hes actually very skinny and not a big eater historically - and now has not been able to eat with this stomch bug the whole day , have had to give some more medication just now (loperamide). Like I ill wished him or something just by whingeing about cooking for him :-( i know its crazy silly

Maybe God really is a man and part of the patriarchy too....sorry, just a bit down that DS is sick....

I could always do an hour to two a day on top of office work in my 20s and 30s...I am not even 'just 40' anymore ...I am mid 40s.....just not what I was after 5.30pm.....