To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

It sounds like you have a lazy husband and between you, you are raising a lazy child.

You are being a martyr. Just don't do it. Let everyone get their own.

Have you got a family whatsapp? Just write 'It's GYO today guys' and leave them to it.

DS and DD both in midst of exams, also. As I see it, it is my job to ensure there is food in the house but they are perfectly capable of fixing their own breakfast, lunch and snacks. DH and I take turns for main meal prep at the weekend so we can eat as a family then, but if everyone is busy doing practice papers or is late home from work in the week, they also grab their own evening meal when ready too. Sometimes this is a prepared home-cooked meal from the weekend (curry, chilli etc) or it’s a healthy range ready meal with fruit and optional veg etc available on the side.

You are living a 1950s life because that’s the way you’ve set it up. You can change this. And it was fine to tell DH that, sorry, you didn’t have time to prep a second portion as you had to work, but no need to snap over it. I think the transactional counting the coffees you feel he no longer makes you etc is a signal that you feel he is not pulling his weight - that requires a conversation, not passive aggressive snarking over eggs.

Also "I pick my battles" means that you're always giving in.

Geeezus @OneThingAfterTheOther op my 6 year old gets her own breakfast, snacks and drinks
My 12 year old can use airfryer, make hot chocolate, cups of tea, toast etc.

They eat the same meal as us at the same time too.
No wonder your exhausted.
Snapping at hubby understandable but I get where hes coming from.too.

Give your 16 year old lad some life skills or he'll be the one being snapped at when hes older by his mrs for being utter useless 😂

DS born and raised here, knows no langauge but english - but appears to lately crave for 'hot Asian food' too all the time like his dad !

Although he can really eat pizza, burgers, etc too I suppose , as long as warm and meaty

Maybe he doesn’t contribute fairly but this wasn’t the right hill to die on and you’ve made yourself look unreasonable. If you were already making eggs and toast for yourself surely it wouldn’t be much trouble to make extra for him.

Mine make their own breakfast and lunch and often one person will make eggs for another or whatever. I have a shelf in the fridge full of lunch stuff. Salad stuff, fresh pasta, cheese, cold meat, hummus, etc

You sound like an absolute skivvy.
As for sulking for the day and not not sharing the load when he does so little?
Is that a regular thing?

Because it reads as if you are in a controlling, manipulative and abusive relationship.

Who made him the boss of you?

Teenagers should be making a lunch for themselves. Very basic.

Are you serious with your 'genuine question'? 🙄

Waaaay before mid-teen age kids are making themselves toast/cereal etc.

AND you know it.

Would love to do this

Your son will be just like his dad if you don't make him get his own food.
I have 4 boys the oldest ones are 22, 19, 17 I make their main meal in the evening but anything other than that, the stuffs in the fridge, freezer, cupboards ect help yourself. My 22yr old has moved out now and he is managing just fine.
Edited to say they've done their own breakfast / snacks etc from 12yrs old bc I refuse to raise men that cannot do basic life skills like getting their own food, cleaning etc.

Yes. They get their own breakfast too and have done since early teens. By 15 they also took a turn in the week to cook dinner for everyone. They clean up if they make a mess too.

Boys. I have boys. They also iron, put on a load of laundry, vacuum and always offer to make coffee or bring a cold drink if they are getting a snack or drink for themselves.

What? He's 16. Why can't he set it away?

I know, it's really very strange.

Well, stop cooking lunch and snacks for a start. Everyone, including the teen gets their own sandwich and fruit and tea and biscuits. Three adults in the house-so take turns to get dinner. And the not “risking” a takeaway is bonkers.

My ex-husband would always sort himself out with food, snacks, coffees etc and if he was making it for himself, he'd never ask if anyone else wanted anything. Would have been annoyed if I'd done the same though. It IS annoying when you're the default for all the cooking and chores and basically find yourself operating as an unpaid housemaid. These things grind you down over time.

Do it - tell them to sort themselves out from now on.

There is no reason for you to be treating your son like he is royalty and you are his servant.

It is insane. Do you wait for the call to go wipe his arse for him when he is in the toilet too?

Your 16 year old should be making his breakfast snacks and lunch himself by now!! In two years he could be out there fending for himself somewhere he needs to be set up for this now. If not he'll just turn into another manchild!

#OKay based on what you're all saying, I think half the problem is we have moved to a very labour intensive asian diet in recent years

And its not really working out healthwise either, as we are picking and choosing the unhealthy bits from both western and eastern diets...

Sandwich with hummus, spinach, tomato for lunch thumbs up. I have some avacado too

No rice, curry, dal, stir fry business today

Totally agree.

I dont think you're being wrong for snapping. You asked if your husband wanted breakfast and he changed his mind. He sounds like he doesnt appreciate your time and is treating you a bit like hes skivvy.

My two year old makes hes own sandwhich at nursery so im sure your teenage will be capable of making one. In my household growing up we had to make our own lunch at secondary school.

Your 16 year old can make their own snacks!! My almost 12 year old will sort herself some toast, a toastie, some noodles etc.

You’ll be bringing up the next generation of men expecting women to do everything for them.

Yes, my DD14 made French toast for lunch the other day and brought me some too. She has learning difficulties but can feed herself. Have some easy food - noodles, sandwich fillings, eggs etc and have him make his own.

If you do it all for him, he’ll never learn for himself or understand what a total pain it is to be constantly feeding other people.

Er yeah!

My mid teen, is neurodiverse, has a mild visual impairment and loves to cook for himself. Even uses his legs to walk to the shop to get the ingredients if we haven’t got what he wants in!

Please don’t let yours grow up thinking that it’s women’s work..