AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

[GoldenGran]

My Daughter and her fella have two kids. Nearly 3 and 6 months.

I will text her or she’ll text me sometimes it’ll take nearly a day for her to get back to me.

I know she’s busy with the children but a reply literally takes seconds. She can be dismissive towards me. She knows my bedtime is 9 and she often replies around that time. I think it’s because she knows I’m going to bed.

She is quick enough to phone when she wants something!

My husband doesn’t get why I’m annoyed by this! It’s rude isn’t it?

It might be your attitude

My older son is like this, but I know he’s up at 5.30, has a full time demanding job, 2 sons, wife who works, dog etc etc and collapses into bed at 9.00 pm.

I’d phone him for anything important.
My mum was cross because I hadn’t phoned her within 2 days of my C section, when the ward phone was broken (pre-mobiles). Don’t be like my mum!

Ouch. That sounds really pointed. When you had your children did you have a mobile phone?

She is managing her time, just not to your timetable.

Wow. With that sort of viewpoint she’s a better woman than me replying at all.

She is managing her time in a way that works for her, her husband and children.

If she came round to see you but kept doing things on your phone, that probably wouldn’t feel great.

I’m so hurt by the OPs slow replies

You managed your time in a pre-smart phone age. I bet your mother wasn’t texting you throughout the day and getting miffed that replies
could take up to a day.
It sounds like your daughter is managing her time just fine - she deals with work and her kids during the day, then when everyone’s in bed and she has time to go through her messages, she replies. If it’s that urgent, call her.

This reply just compounds my initial thoughts from your OP that you're demanding and actually not particularly nice to communicate with. I'd avoid your texts too

This exactly !

Texting and even thinking of replying takes up mental energy. If you have 2 very young children, there isn't much of that going spare.

She's probably texting at 9 pm, not because she knows it’s your bedtime but because the kids are in bed and she's finally got a moment to think !

I think you’re overthinking and getting a bit paranoid.

The OPs username is interesting too.

You didn't have a phone in your hand where someone could get hold of you every second of every day and expect a reply. No doubt you have a landline that would ring and you may or may not have answered it depending on how busy you were that day.

😂

I don't reply to texts the minute they arrive. I'm so not glued to my phone that I once left it in the car overnight and half the following morning. Some of my friends are the same.

Anyone who might need to get hold of me in a genuine emergency would know to ring me, and also has my landline number and would use that if it was a life or death type thing and I didn't answer my mobile. I still have a landline phone because the mobile signal here is weak and unreliable.

I'd never hear from my adult children if I had silly rules like this! Mine know I go to bed 9/9.30 and regularly text at that time or later and I answer at 5/6!am when they are probably asleep. No one minds. They are both super busy with careers mortgages kids and hobbies and I love that their lives are full and fulfilling as is mine

Leave her alone. People are sick of being expected to jump to their notifications. She replies to you, stop trying to dictate when she replies.

Is this a different take on the bad grandmother threads we are being flooded with?

You’ve written this in a way that is quite damning towards yourself, makes me a bit suspicious this is a reverse.

Edit: OP is either winding us up or this is a reverse.

We can't win can we? On our phone? We're bad parents. Not on our phones? Bad daughter.

She's clearly busy with two small children and probably has the measure of you being an arse.

Are you always this high maintenance?! This level of neediness would make me not reply at all. She already has 2
kids but you’re behaving like a 3rd demanding child

The reason I'm on here now is because my teens are at school and I have no baby's to care for. Later in the day I have things on so I won't be on my phone at all for many hours and any pings I get will responded to when I have time, more than likely after 9pm. I'm on here now because this is how I managed MY time.

Sometimes an OP starts a thread with such a woeful lack of insight that you come away feeling immense sympathy for the other party!

And maybe she's not as perfect at this as you, so there's zero reason to be "hurt".

Unless your texts are of the urgent, 'needs a reply immediately to save a life or clinch a business deal' kind, you need to accept that she's not your PA and chill out.

Are you always so needy?

What is so important that it needs such a quick reply?

Sounds like you are addicted to your phone.

Fortunately, she is not and you should be proud that she is prioritising her children, instead of being glued to her phone like you are.

And your daughter is managing HER time, by not dropping everything to answer your texts immediately. She replies when it’s convenient to her, regardless of whether it’s your bedtime.

FYI - If you make snarky comments like “but I managed my time” to her she’ll take even longer to reply, or ignore you altogether. It’s a very passive-aggressive criticism she can do without.

😂😂😂

She is quick enough to phone when she wants something

You don’t need to answer!