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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

306 replies

starships · 18/04/2026 19:45

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 19/04/2026 06:52

Bewareofstepfords · 19/04/2026 06:44

Wow, it must be marvellous to have skin like a rhino and the empathy of a flying brick.

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It’s an MN thing where you’re not allowed to ever feel the normal emotion of being hurt by other people’s actions. There’s a superiority element attached to it, like being a human with feelings and emotions is beneath them.

Dery · 19/04/2026 06:53

“Whowhenwhatwear · Yesterday 23:34
It's beyond strange that they are sending you photos of their getaway, knowing they didn't invite you along. That is bizzare behaviour, and just seems cruel and calculated to cause hurt.
I would just ignore their holiday photos.
I don't think you could ever feel emotionally safe around them.”

This.

RS1987 · 19/04/2026 06:56

We’re in a friendship group of 4 couples and of this happened I’d be so upset. What does your DP think?

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 19/04/2026 06:56

SadBoys · 18/04/2026 20:52

Yes, that seems likely.

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I agree @SadBoys

It sounds like a group of 6 people who appear to get along on the surface but actually 1 or 2 (or more) of the 6 aren't liked at all.

BunnyLake · 19/04/2026 06:58

Itsanewlife · 19/04/2026 04:47

I'm part of a friendship group like this. One of the couples we hang out with would have absolutely no idea about this but the rest of us can only take so much of them - they drone on about their kids various school admissions/achievements etc. We have decided to put less pressure on our children opting for resilience and happiness over achievements. And, their conversation can grate after a while. We still like them, but want time spent with just the other couple too. I would not take it personally - you are not all tied at the hip, and it is okay to have smaller groups go off on holidays too.

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So your negative feelings about the couple who go on about their kids isn’t personal to them? Their grating conversation isn’t personal either? 🫤

RS1987 · 19/04/2026 06:58

They should be careful - if they can exclude like this then they can be excluded like this and good friendships are hard to come by.

user1476613140 · 19/04/2026 07:00

asdbaybeeee · 18/04/2026 20:02

It’s rude but if you want to keep the friendships you need to navigate friendships with both couples separately as well as a group.

That sounds like such hard work.

CJ50Mum · 19/04/2026 07:22

I'd definitely feel hurt, it's an odd situation. You could ask why you were left out or just back away from them. Strange you all spend so much time together & it was never mentioned, then rubbing your face in it by sending photos. You'll find there is one ringleader & the rest just followed

BeardofHagrid · 19/04/2026 07:24

I would not be in a friendship group again if you paid me. That’s some primary school shit.

bunnyvsmonkey · 19/04/2026 07:31

starships · 18/04/2026 22:47

Definitely sure about this- we are with each other pretty much all the time and he is a wonderful man that cares deeply about family and values our marriage- it would be pretty much impossible without me knowing if I’m totally honest due to how we share accounts on phones etc

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It only takes a passing bum squeeze OP! Your DH could be the weird groper of the group hiding behind the family first mottos.

ZenNudist · 19/04/2026 07:31

Justbloodydoit · 18/04/2026 20:05

I hate it when groups of friends are so interwoven that you have to move as a pack. I personally would feel free to suggest a break and invite a couple, but not automatically involve everyone. It’s not the law you must all go together. I would be open about it (not bloody posting mind), but then equally feel able to see the others individually too.

Agree with this. A holiday for 6 is different from one for 4. It's hard to sightsee en masse. Personally don't mind when a group of friends do something without us.

StMarie4me · 19/04/2026 07:32

I’d be very hurt tbh and would do a ‘quiet quit’ on this group for self preservation. They have hurt you twice in quick succession.

CJ50Mum · 19/04/2026 07:33

All the lovely photos they sent you won't be the full story, there will have been tension too. I know 2 families that went away together on holiday with their kids, we were a little hurt at the time not to be included but looking back it was a blessing in disguise. The 2 families realised quickly they both like very different holidays etc & the friendships fizzled out after the holiday. One couple were heavy drinkers. The other couple weren't. I never fully heard what happened but there was obvious tension afterr

DotAndCarryOne2 · 19/04/2026 07:39

PollyBell · 19/04/2026 03:58

Is not being told something different to keeping a secret, if their has been np issues overall i would just put it down for wanting to do this as it was and move everyone doesn't have to do the same things with the same people all the time

There does not have to be anything deep and meaningful behind it

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If it were just one person not telling then l’d agree, but four people cooperated in saying absolutely nothing about a planned trip. That’s keeping it secret. I agree absolutely that not everyone has to be included in everything, but it seems bizarre that they weren’t open about it before they went, and yet directly shared the photographs with OP and can’t seem to understand how their behaviour may be perceived as off in any way.

I think something else is at play here and l do wonder if maybe the two couples have previously tried to plan just for themselves and OP and her DH have invited themselves along thinking it’s the usual arrangements. It’s an odd dynamic.

ClairDeLaLune · 19/04/2026 07:44

The only explanation I can think of OP is that you said they’ve gone to somewhere you love, and maybe they think that because you’ve gone before you wouldn’t want to go again? That doesn’t explain the secrecy and then all the posting though. Unless they’re trying to say - look OP, we’ve gone to your fave place after you recommended it to us.

Manonhere · 19/04/2026 07:48

Do you think they were having a naughty weekend as 2 couples? 👿🍆🤣

MyDeftDuck · 19/04/2026 07:49

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest the other couples are into swinging…….two’s company, three’s a crowd etc.

They go away together to swap partners, and don’t want the complications of a third party.

HollyhockDays · 19/04/2026 08:12

Well it’s clear you were excluded. I would be very hurt. There must have been a conversation at some point “Will we say to @starshipsand her DH” and it was a no.

Is there anyone in the other four you are closer to and you could ask them?

Truetoself · 19/04/2026 08:15

@starshipswhen is your next meetup?
Curious to know because if it was me I would also quietly quit them. Wonder if they would care?

i did this to a friendship group once. They were hurt. However were not willing to accept responsibility. Ultimately it was a case of being the odd couple out as the other three couples shared a common religion and I think there would always have been conflict

Sugarsugarcane · 19/04/2026 08:27

starships · 18/04/2026 21:12

No- one if the couples is wealthy and doesn’t spend a penny normally they are extremely ‘tight’ with money. We are also lucky enough to be wealthy and moneys never an issue. One of the couples isn’t as well off, this is another reason why I’m surprised- normally they wouldn’t pay for this type of trip- none of them would lol

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Is there a chance that one of the couples paid for the less well off couple to go and they don’t want to reveal that hence they just went the four of them?

ThisJadeBear · 19/04/2026 08:29

They are not your friends.
I don’t care how much fun you have all had together what they have done is awful.
Yes, I get you are all adults but the response to you being left out was appalling.
No true friend would say or do these things

Original poster
starships · 19/04/2026 08:30

bunnyvsmonkey · 19/04/2026 07:31

It only takes a passing bum squeeze OP! Your DH could be the weird groper of the group hiding behind the family first mottos.

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Haha I laughed at this. I don’t think this is likely lol

OP posts:
Dymaxion · 19/04/2026 08:34

Do you have different holiday tastes ? I know you said they went somewhere you would love, but some people like to relax when away and others like to use every minute exploring and 'doing stuff' . I think it can be tricky if you just fancy a weekend doing very little and have people in the group who are up and out at the break of dawn or want everyone to go on excursions or exploring ?

Bikergran · 19/04/2026 08:35

Honestly, I'm flabbergasted by most if the comments on this thread. What are you all, 12 years old? Do you all go around in cosy little cliques? FFS, maybe these prople wanted a change. Maybe they want out of this weird little group. Just book a fabulous holiday on your own, if you're so wealthy!

Mama2many73 · 19/04/2026 08:37

On a personal level I wouldnt want to go away with other couples but this would sit wrong with me. I wouldnt have an issue that only 2 couples went but the fact they have never discussed it or mentioned that just the 2 couples were going away makes me feel thats on purpose that 'its hidden ', and thats what I'd be wondering.
Personally I would say to them your photos looked lovely I'm glad you had a great time, I was just surprised as neither of you had mentioned iit. You dont need to hide it, I understand we can't all go away every time together.