AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

[starships]

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

You'll have to just ask them. I'd say;

aww lovely pics, did we accidentally miss the invite or was this just for you 4? Enjoy xx

Along those lines then it doesn't look like you're annoyed but gives them a chance to explain

You can't help feeling hurt, but they haven't done anything wrong either.

It's totally fine for them to want to spend time together and not want to do everything as 3 couples.

Much simpler to coordinate 4 than 6. Would leave it and maybe suggest an autumn break with one of the couples.

Sounds like a good idea- think I’m just more shocked than anything lol

That message clearly shows you’re annoyed with the passive aggressive question.

Thank you, I said to them oh looks great, did we miss the invite and they said no they organised it just for themselves

just more hurt as they all cancelled on us last week for something else. 😂

Yanbu, it’s a small group so one left out isn’t ok. I would have to ask.

Their response was quite cold and mean.

Have you all been away together as 6 before?

You need to know why you weren't invited. It wasn't accidental, they must've discussed inviting you and decided not to.

The fact that they're upfront about not inviting you allows you to be equally upfront about asking why you were left out.

Do you think they maybe cancelled seeing you recently as they realised they wouldn't be able to avoid telling you about their upcoming trip?

It’s rude but if you want to keep the friendships you need to navigate friendships with both couples separately as well as a group.

I would say you are being manoeuvred out. Thats pretty bad. If some one in our group fancied a night or two away they would include everyone, and we are a much larger group so it does make it harder to sort.

It’s never nice feeling left out Op, whatever the age. I am sorry.

I hate it when groups of friends are so interwoven that you have to move as a pack. I personally would feel free to suggest a break and invite a couple, but not automatically involve everyone. It’s not the law you must all go together. I would be open about it (not bloody posting mind), but then equally feel able to see the others individually too.

If they've cancelled on you AND booked a trip without you then I would assume they're distancing themselves or cutting you out for some reason.

The problem is that unless they tell you what that reason is, you can't really do anything about it.

I'd be hurt, too, I must say. And while I wouldn't do any dramatic flouncing, I would certainly start to branch out and make plans with other friends. I cannot abide passive aggressiveness or these silly games, and no matter how many excuses people on here try to make, they knew what they were doing and did it on purpose!

Agree

@starships Also their response when you asked whether you'd missed the invite is very cold. I would pull back from them.

YANBU to feel hurt, your entitled to feel how you feel but I think it was unreasonable to ask where your invitation was. I find it so strange and quite suffocating when adults insist on inviting everyone to everything.

I think it's a leap to think they must have discussed it. Maybe they didn't. Because you thought it, doesn't mean they did.

I agree with other posters that you are being phased out for some reason. If it was a bigger group and two couples did something separately, that would be OK, but just leaving one couple out is quite pointed. They were either pretty tactless sharing photos with you, or they wanted to make a point.

You would be open about not inviting one of the couples?

it’s only three couples and organising something to exclude one couple creates an awkward dynamic. Different maybe if the group was four or more couples.

OP I’d be branching out with friendships as PP says. There is something here that is not quite right. Most likely one individual who manoeuvred to exclude you or possibly was just thoughtless

Perhaps one couple spotted a bargain apartment/ wanted to share costs and could only fit one other couple in and went the the people they thought would like it most/ be easier to arrange it with. It's horrible feeling excluded but don't cut your nose off to spite your face, give them all the benefit of the doubt and hopefully it was just a thoughtless one off not an attempt to cut you out of the group.

Potentially you're being phased out.

Maybe just give them a break for a while and focus on others, and see how the land lies in a few weeks. No need to do or say anything.

It already sounds far too much hassle to be friends with these people. I would wait it out and if they reach out, fine, but if not then I wouldn't be chasing them.

When you say inundated with pictures, do you mean that you've seen them on social media, or they've specifically shared them in a group chat with you? As that just seems like rubbing your face in it.

I absolutely think this justifies a conversation when they get back- why they didn't invite you, but also why they kept it a secret.