AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

[starships]

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

Well, that’s you told then, I suppose.

Bit harsh.

This hit the nail on the head

Yes, maybe they’re sex people 😆

No way there isn’t a reason for this. It’s just a question of whether you ever find it out!

You’re naive to think this won’t change things.
It should, they treated you like Z list friends

I would ask some questions and decide if they were friends or not! Don’t be so passive!!

I think the 3 includes OP and partner?

You're entitled to feel upset/hurt. You feel how you feel so accept that feeling and don't dismiss it.

The question is how do you move on?

They've told you, by their actions how much they value your friendship. You either play the 'pick me dance' or step back and cool off from them.

I know what I would do.

Funny how so many posters think the other couples are swingers.

BIL and his first wife were friends with a couple. This couple invited them on a weekend away, turned out the other couple were swingers, BIL and his wife left very quickly after they were propositioned. Maybe you have had a lucky escape OP

What's odd is keeping it a secret so I'd go with the "your weekend looked great, you didn't mention you were all going, we could have recommended some places to visit" approach

This👆

Yes - and the photos are being sent directly to the OP & her DH to create FOMO and lure them in …

The ‘one of Couple 1 doesn’t like one of Couple 2’ narrative is a ruse - a false front being put up to hide the carnal workouts that are really going on.

This. Two couples planning something together is one thing but keeping it secret is something else entirely. I did wonder if the other two couples cancelled on OP recently because it would be awkward if one of them let something slip, but why keep it a secret and then specifically share the photos with OP and her DH ? It seems very pointed and designed to hurt. I’d be pulling back from the friendship - anything else is playing the pick me dance.

I may have missed it - but did they send you pics directly? Or did you just see them on SM?

If directly...yeah that's odd and hurtful. I'd be upset. I'd probably not say anything further, but not make an effort to initiate contact for a while. Then see if they DO make an effort to include you again, or not.

Is not being told something different to keeping a secret, if their has been np issues overall i would just put it down for wanting to do this as it was and move everyone doesn't have to do the same things with the same people all the time

There does not have to be anything deep and meaningful behind it

Think of it like this:

Joey and Phoebe (we’ll pretend are a couple) and Monica & Chandler all cancel an event by Ross and Rachel. Ross and Rachel then get a load of photos of a trip away by Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Chandler. Would Ross and Rachel be cool with that or would they be hurt when told the other four organised the trip just for themselves (without any background explanation?).

I'm part of a friendship group like this. One of the couples we hang out with would have absolutely no idea about this but the rest of us can only take so much of them - they drone on about their kids various school admissions/achievements etc. We have decided to put less pressure on our children opting for resilience and happiness over achievements. And, their conversation can grate after a while. We still like them, but want time spent with just the other couple too. I would not take it personally - you are not all tied at the hip, and it is okay to have smaller groups go off on holidays too.

I agree with the other poster and think that even the Friends characters are entitled to travel in smaller groups if they want to. I dont think everyone always has to be invited to everything for the friendship to be real or whatever.

I would not take it personally

Well, based on the rest of your post, it is personal 😊

Absolutely this .
Id find it very hurtful , all the idea and planning the trip knowing all that was going behind your back . Someone would definitely have said are we inviting so n so and the others said no .

Their response was cruel. I’d be backing out of the friendship from now on - it’s obvious you’re dispensable unfortunately. Try to build some other couple friendships.

I would be spending less time with these people. They made an active decision not to invite you. Sod that, I’ve no interest in investing time in friendships that aren’t genuine.

The feeling is mutual. I could never be friends with someone who gets annoyed if I didn't invite them to everything.

They weren't excluded, they just weren't invited.

I don't need to think of it in friends characters to understand.

People are entitled to hang out with whoever they want to. They shouldn't have to apologise or explain that.

Op is hurt, and she can't help that, but equally these people haven't done anything wrong.

They fancied going on holiday together, so they did.

Wow, it must be marvellous to have skin like a rhino and the empathy of a flying brick.

That’s hurtful, I’m sorry op. My guess is that it’s just one person in the group who decided to make it a foursome, and the others went along. Maybe a partner organised it in the hope that the two who don’t get on had a chance to confront their issues so as to resolve them?