AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

[starships]

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

I’d be upset but I’d also accept the the others prefer their company as a 4

and why did they think it okay to share their holiday snaps with the couple they didn’t bother inviting - a bit of face rubbing going on?

Unfortunately if you really want to know you're going to have to ask them outright why you weren't included this time, and depending on the answer what you want to do about it going forward. Seems really shitty of them - if it was no big deal and they were going to send you photos why not tell you last time they saw you? Its not like they haven't had the opportunity!

There are only three couples in total? The two couples who went away, and OP + husband.

Oh sorry, I thought it was OP and her DH and then the 3 couples.

I’d be really hurt as well if I were you op. It’s most odd. They kept it a secret, went without you and then sent you photos of the trip. But then brushed it off when you asked if you’d missed the invite. If they were trying to distance themselves from you and your dh why would they send photos to you? Weird.

A good response to “no we arranged it just for us this time” might be “that’s interesting because Sarah’s husband thinks you’re a cunt” but then they might realise you’re annoyed.

This.

well, I think we know how @Challenger2A7 · spends their weekends 😂🤣😂🤣.

If they’ve cancelled on you previously, have not invited you this time and are plastering pictures all over social media it’s pretty obvious they’re sending the message that you’re no longer part of the friendship group.

I would take the hint and just back off.

I’m not in favour of blocking people, I just wouldn’t be the first to communicate with them again.

This reminds me a bit of that post where an OP kept making excuses not to see someone and was then annoyed that she didn’t take the hint, so she essentially sent her a nasty message saying that she didn’t want to be her friend.

It sounds here as if they’re trying to hint, albeit not very subtly, that they no longer want you as part of the group.

It’s like school playground behaviour, and I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing you’re hurt.

I also wouldn’t ask them. Reality is you’re never going to get an honest answer, and you’re worth more than to beg for their friendship. They’re not worth it.

@starships how well do you and DH actually get on with them? Maybe they don’t like one of you and as you come as a couple neither of you were invited.

@starships I would feel hurt too so your feelings are valid. What does your OH think?

I think if the dynamics are that you always meet up as 6 and go away as 6 etc then for them to have done this as a 4 intentionally would sting and I think a little out of order.

I wouldn’t leave it to be honest. Maybe don’t go back today but in the coming days I would have to reach out and say you are hurt by their actions and ask why they left you out. I would also rethink the closeness too…..maybe pull back a little and keep them at arms length.

Sounds like they don't want you in the group any more then.

I’d be gutted, we have a group of couple friends like you and I’d genuinely be really upset if just some of them went away together

This would be funny but probably not wise

God that's awful! Sorry op

Yes your being phased out.. op watch your back. I would def say you were hurt about this. Im 50s I feel people are so flaky now

Could this be a financial thing OP?

Have you been talking about reining it in recently? Or saving towards something? Perhaps they felt it would be too much to ask you to join them?

What kind of friends do that? Mean! YANBU

I couldnt pretend it wasn't bothering me if it was. I'd mute the chat and then when they get home say I was hurt

Haha I laughed at this

No- one if the couples is wealthy and doesn’t spend a penny normally they are extremely ‘tight’ with money. We are also lucky enough to be wealthy and moneys never an issue. One of the couples isn’t as well off, this is another reason why I’m surprised- normally they wouldn’t pay for this type of trip- none of them would lol

I too think their response was cold and mean. It’s always a deal with the devil asking about a direct snub like this.
All too often there is a meanness, or malice aforethought and/or a little power-play going on in intimate friendship groups.
It takes trust in the innate kindness of all concerned to expose your soft underbelly and indicate that you are in any way hurt or saddened by exclusion.
to coin an old phrase, I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.
But deed now done, I would (painful as it might be) re-evaluate the group friendship and not show any kind of neediness. And be less available.

I would def call out this mean girl behaviour. Just wondering do husbands get on is there tension in group.

They’re in a swinging scenario and don’t want op and her partner involved do whatever reason, maybe something super kinky?

I'd be hurt too op, bit crap really 🫤🫤