AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

[starships]

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

odd they never told you then sent you photos.

If you have always done things as a group of three couples in the past, then it sounds intentional to leave you out (for whatever reason that is). The reasons could be something as simple as they found a deal for 4 people , but you won't know unless you ask. Just ask them outright if there was a reason you wasnt invited , don't dance around the issue or be passive aggressive , just ask directly.

Same here. In such a small friendship group, personally I think it's unkind to do this with no reason.

God op I would be hurt. I would definitely pull back with friendship efforts... Do you get on with the partners. I meet a group from work. We include everyone for coffee (5 us). Nobody left out

Sounds like they went away to wife-swap, or do something they knew you wouldn't like. Be careful.

Yeah we all get on SO well- the irony is one of the people really doesn’t get on with someone they have gone away with they just put up with them for their other half. All so strange

That's really shitty of them, very hurtful behaviour if your usual dynamic is the six of you.

Possibly the biggest leap I have read on here in a long time 🤣

That doesn’t make sense. How can you ‘all get on SO well’ and yet one of the people who went away doesn’t like one of the others, only their spouse/partner?

Jeez 😂

Horrible friends. YANBU

I meet a group from work. We include everyone for coffee (5 us). Nobody left out

I know someone from long ago who has always disrupted any group habits like this - always tries to start subgroups and slightly destabilises the original group. They seem unable to just let a group stay a group. They say things like 'I know X wouldn't want to go', which is true, but not offering causes issues when there's a clear group.

I'd have had more respect had they gone and then not plastered photos of it over social media. Doing so feels a bit more "Look at what we're doing".

I'd be backing away, in truth. No one needs friends who can hurt you like this.

OP says she messaged ‘oh looks great, did we miss the invite’ so I don’t think @Hadenough32 ‘s post was that far off to be honest.

That makes no sense.

What you're saying us that you all APPEAR to get on well, on the surface, but you already know of some undercurrents of toxicity within the group of 6

Hence leaving you out makes much more sense now. There are even more undercurrents than you realise - and these involve you

I think it would have been bad if all 3 couples went away without you but I don’t think two of the couples going away together is a big betrayal. They probably think the same.

Thanks for all the responses guys some really interesting takes on things, very grateful for the numerous different view points on this.

just to add I’m not going to fall out with them, I’m just a bit upset we weren’t included for whatever reason.

I tink it’s understandable to feel hurt, OP, but I do agree with this poster. It’s not feasible to be this group of 6 together forever in everything and never allowing different combinations of the couples to do anything else together. It’s suffocating and – without meaning it as an insult – immature.

The way you explain it OP sounds like they think it perfectly normal to do this & by actively showing you the pictures they think proves they did nothing behind your back.
I think it’s very odd & hurtful. If as they claim it’s completely acceptable I’d be questioning their values & your friendship with them. Does it suggest they do meet up or do more things independently that they haven’t shared with you? I’d be asking them the question if they wouldn’t be a bit hurt by being excluded? But ofc they’ll prob say not o’wise they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. I’d watch your back OP.

Yes, that seems likely.

While you don't have to fall out with them, I do think you should make it clear that it's upset you.
They purposely haven't told you they were going.
They haven't given you a reason why they haven't invited you.
They've shared the pictures of the weekend with no warning or consideration of your feelings.

Are all 4 of them generally stupid about other people's emotions? Or actually just unkind people?

They shouldn't have done this without telling you.

They kept it quiet.

They both cancelled on you, coincidentally, a few weeks earlier.

You are being dumped.

Of course they are allowed to make plans in different configurations, but being sneakly like this?

This is incredibly hurtful. I am so sorry.

Well, they must have known it would upset you/they were being shitty, or one of them would have mentioned the trip to you… Very odd and hurtful.

Do you ever meet either of the other partners for coffee or something where you could subtly find out how it was organised and who by?

🤣🤣🤣