AIBU to feel hurt our friendship group went away without us?

[starships]

Aibu to be hurt that the rest of our friendship group have gone away for 2 nights?

so friendship group of 3 couples, always all been there for each other, always invited all couples whenever we have arranged anything even if it wasn’t their cup of tea.

today we’ve been inundated by pictures from 2 of the couples who have gone away for an (expensive) city break to somewhere we love doing stuff that we love. Aibu to feel hurt that we were never asked? I’m genuinely shocked by this.. no issues with friendship at all but this has been planned for some time and no one told us..

just feel hurt that no one asked if we would like to come? a just a week ago they cancelled on us after having something booked for a number of months they all pulled out with various excuses.. seen them since with no issues so we’re a bit perplexed!

thanks all- just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to feel hurt or not?

You're being deliberately obtuse. Or you have the emotional intelligence of a gnat.

They, up until recently, have done everything together, whether or not you think they should. Suddenly, four of the six have deviated, not only cancelling plans but purposely leaving the other two out of a trip and then specifically sending photos of the trip to those left out.

Regardless of your opinion on jealousy being an emotional only eight-year-olds are allowed to experience, pretending that the above is absolutely fine and nothing to even blink at is ridiculous.

Oh thank goodness not just me - thought I was going to get metaphorically egged

Yes theres some reason behind this an affair or a fallout. What your husband's opinion?

Hold on, so there is already friction in the group with one person who doesn’t like another? So not quite as friendly as you suggest really?

I am emotionally intelligent.

That's why I think it's absolutely fine for adults to choose to go away with who they want to go away with. You don't have to be joined at the hip with all of your friends.

Would you even want to be invited somewhere out of a weird sense of guilt?

Where does the OP say this?

It does sound a strange and awkward thing for them to do. It you can't think of anything you 2 have done to change the dynamic, then if could be something has changed amongst the 4 of them. Maybe a swinger type scenario, only half joking lol

I wouldn't question further. It is likely that your view of this friendship and group dynam8cs is not the same as theirs. They may feel closer to each other than to you.

Two things can be true at once. It is fine for adults to choose who they spend time with, and it is strange and hurtful for an ongoing dynamic to switch up without apparent cause or reasoning.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. And nobody suggested that the OP should have been invited out of a 'weird sense of guilt'.

It's not just that they've gone away without you, which I agree would hurt me too to be the one part of a group left out of something they know you'd enjoy, it's that they've kept it secret from you, and then sent you photos out of the blue of them having a great time without you knowing it's going to land like a punch in the gut for any normal person.

Every bit of it makes it worse. If they didn't think it was something that would upset you / cause an issue in the group they'd not have kept it secret. To then make sure you find out what you're missing by sending photos directly to you is just bloody mean.

Honestly it would change how I felt about them I think, I'd feel like they were getting a weird kick out of it and being quite cruel.

This is hurtful and baffling- I’m so sorry you experienced this. The sharing of photos was a bad judgment call on their part and the response to your ‘did I miss the invite’ message was cold. Really hard too as there hasn’t been a falling out. It’s normal to feel hurt in this situation and to be confused too. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this shift.. relationships can be painful at times. Sending you a huge HUG and and a f@&@ ‘em!

I already said that op can't help feeling hurt but these people haven't done anything wrong either.

This entirely. People always seem to come out with this, acting like they’re some kind of arbiter of common sense - whether it’s talking about friendship issues, being left out of wills, etc.

Of course people can do what they like, but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt, and it’s such a glaringly obvious statement to make, that actually has little bearing on the point of the OP.

I’m in a friendship group of 3 families. We have one group chat, plus I am aware that one of the families has a separate group chat with us, and a separate group chat with the third family. They sometimes meet up without us and post photos on the whole group chat, and similarly they have a personality clash within them that we don’t have. First time I was a bit ??? But since then I’ve realised they are just inviting who they fancy, and sharing all pics as they don’t see anything wrong. I am now ambivalent about it and recognise that a lot of the time they are doing things which wouldn’t suit us anyway. If the other two families have differences in how they spend their money, this could well be the reason; they may have found something budget and made cost saving decisions whilst they are away that they felt might have been awkward if you were there…

Could one have won a competition?

Your definitely lacking emotional intelligence - you can’t see the nuance and differences and the ground already laid down In their relationships and how they function

Well you obviously feel closer to the group than they do to you !
they’ve not only gone away , they’ve discussed it , planned it, paid and kept it a secret from you in the build up - that’s a lot of deceit !

clearly not as good friends as you thought they were !

Well that's your opinion. In my opinion they absolutely have done something wrong. Suddenly cancelling and excluding one couple from an ongoing arrangement without explanation or apology, and then inundating them with photos of the thing they were excluded from is mean-spirited and cruel.

I'm glad I'm not your friend! Mine would equally never think this is ok.

Have you read original post and updates?

Agree

I wonder if sending OP photos was to cover themselves - they didn’t share the details about the holiday before but once the are on it (without OP) they felt feee to share so they were covered in terms of explanation

it’s all very odd

OP my stomach would have lurched when I saw the photos - especially as you say it was something they know you would like

I'm sorry , this must be hurtful. I would say something is wrong . Actions always speak louder than words. I think I would have to ask tbh.

yes 90% communication is not verbal

I think this too.
It will leave a bitter taste though for everyone- which is their doing by not inviting you and then sending pictures!!

Could it be a secret swingers weekend op?