Hi my current boyfriend can be very sweet and homely, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t go awol etc.. but here are some concerns…. Borderline a
cohilic and heavy drinker, some gambling problems…
early days 2024…
- says things then denies them instantly ie I can have the bedroom light on because I’m the man you’re the woman. I then said why are u saying this and he said “saying what? I didn’t say anything you’re hearing things”
- he done these things a few times so I started to record and he caught me recording, then said he only denies he’s said things in case I’m recording
- casually says I guess u get hot more being fat
- he has called me a fat c*nt and screamed at me saying that when I was driving him to work and he said that I need to look online for somewhere for us to go the next day
- when I’ve cried about things he mimics the crying
- during the deed in bed used to say do u know why I’m here? Coz ur such an easy slag but does it in a “role playing” way but it hurts me so much… kept saying you love it you fat tramp.
- often compliments me and says he loves my body, he loves sleeping with fat girls like me as they are grateful.
- Once he was stroking my face looking at me smiling and kissed my forehead then said why don’t you wear as much makeup for me me anymore u used to look so pretty. I then got up tears streaming down my face, he quickly apologised and said it’s just banter and I should have just told him to shut up.
- says I do nothing for him. I make sure his washing is kept up to date, give him lifts to work, picked him up from his home town bringing loads of his stuff to mine it’s a good hour away, I didn’t want any petrol money. Give him lifts to work, keep on top of house hold chores, cook sometimes but probably not enough I need to work on that to be fair, lend money loads he always pays back
- threatens to leave so much.
- so one day i literally did nothing, he came home from work and said so u not even washed to today, done nothing? Pulled my arms out of bed and got angry I hadn’t tidied my home
- I found myself chucking things (my own things) my clothes airer I broke out of frustration for example as he came home with loads of beers and fags etc, and I have enough experience with HIM to know when this has happened before he’s asked me to lend him money and says I’m tight if I say no so I end up doing it as I can’t be bothered for the battle. I got tons of anxiety with lending money as my ex and couple of friends ask regularly even though they have partners and it’s asked in ways it’s hard to said no and he knows I get anxious about this, it upsets me, he said I’m abusive for throwing things and I realised yep I wouldn’t like someone doing that around me so I never did it again, and realised I was wrong.
- got me nothing for Christmas or my birthday. I got him some things for Christmas. Says he doesn’t need to buy me anything, never brought flowers or anything he thinks it’s pointless. I’m not materialistic, just a bit sad there’s no thought
- started singing “damaged goods damaged goods” laughing while I was crying and panicky. My ex called me damaged goods too. Which this one knows
- when we met he said he was divorced. Turns out they aren’t actually divorced, but been separated a good 8 years or so. Tbh this is probably not a big deal but he said he never loved her even on the wedding day, just that he was happy to be with her, yet said he did all he could to win her back when she left. Confusing?
- he’s said before he says things just to humour me.
- hated the washing detergent smell I used. My neighbour used the same detergent scent and he LOVED it.
- said how much he likes red lipstick. I wear it but he said it looks bad on me.
- he demands bjs, i don’t want to do it full stop. He is selfish intimately that way and admits he is and says women don’t need it.
- says I’m impossible and that men would want to sleep with me because I’m attractive enough but that I’m not relationship material? That I’m the fattest but prettiest faced he’s ever been with.
- despite all this I never feel scared of him, he is attentive and caring despite these times but then there’s times when I try to express something that gets me down he literally walks out on his phone
- I had a feeling about a woman. I asked him was he seeing this friend before me which is absolutely fine, it’s just she kept messaging him hence why I asked. All I wanted was honesty it’s no biggie if he saw her before me. He said no way look at her she’s fat and disgusting. I went through his phone months ago (I know not good) and there was a video of her giving him oral! Way before he met me which fine but it still stung that he just lied so easily.
- he had pics of previous flings these women, some of me too which I knew about but I was gutted to know I wasn’t anything special in that sense and that it wasn’t just me he had these pics of. And call me fat moose
FAST FORWARD TWO YEARS. I lost 4 stone, he opened up more, stopped name calling in bed, would go places more with me, wanted to actually see my family and comes to family things now which he wouldn’t before. But I still get called fat sometimes.
- He does things like demand something there and then while I’m cooking and I say for example yes give me 5 but he hovers around me saying no I need it now I’m not waiting… and I say for f sake I’m making us dinner (I do all chores, he won’t pay for any house hold goods, I buy all clothes detergents etc, most food, drive us places, he says diesel is my responsibility) and he then got in a strop and gave me silent treatment for talking badly?
- He has started to threaten to pour water over me saying your ex did this, you keep comparing me to him (I don’t)… and he doesn’t pour water over me but threatens to, he’s shoved my face with his hand when I was trying to discuss something and he was smiling and seemed open to convo
- he clicks his fingers still telling me to be quiet when I talk sometimes
- still calls me fat sometimes
- has asked a lot for money over the years, always pays back… but it’s rolling borrowing. It was great for a while but he’s slipped back into not working much, I’ve paid almost 200 on food for us over just a week (I’m not rich by any means)… when I get annoyed he says I disrespect him so I then get yelled at for not respecting him
- Shouts at me to shit up if I ask him to not do something such as something simple like don’t open a door where clothes are hanging over drying with hangers as it leaves dents in the door frames, and he says nothing, carries on doing it so I ask again and he shouts and throws things around saying he’s heard
- threatens to punch me saying your ex did this shall I do the same that’s obviously what you like. This I find deeply sad as I just want him to look after me
- He often says when I bring up what I don’t like about him that I can’t get my ex out my head, that my ex abused me and I label him the same but I explain it’s nothing to do with my ex or past
- my ex was a drug addict. When I tell this current one although he hates drugs, he has gambling and drink issues he gets angry. He says things like how dare his sisters and dad not give him money, that an aunty died and he should have had inheritance and all his family are c*nts, that’s I’m selfish if I don’t lend money as he always pays back
- I say I feel backed into a corner and he goes mad sometimes saying your ex got u into debt, have I? No so shit the f up. As I’m not in debt but it’s lending, being paid back just to be asked again
- says it’s my responsibility to get him to work as he doesn’t drive
- says i do nothing for him but I give lifts hours away for interviews, no diesel help
- tells his 10 year old son when they have phone call catch ups he’s at home or working even though he’s with me, I’m never mentioned which makes me sad
- not long ago, like couple years ago, got angry at me easily and let slip it’s because I hadnt giving him his “needs” and that he’d look elsewhere for it if needs be, which really hurt me. He used to give me silent treatment alit but noaeadats he doesn’t threaten to leave so much and does more things with me
- I can’t help feeling he’s ashamed that I’m the shortest chubbiest he’s been with
Theres so many other things but this is just the bad, there’s soooo much good, his other side is so calm, never stops me going to shops etc like my ex did, never hits me, never goes awol like my ex did, doesn’t put me in debt
THINGS I HAVE DONE WRONG…..
- called him at various points a loser with money after pestering me for money as he spends on beers and fags and gambling then moans he has nothing
- told him after telling me and his sister to fuck off and die (he took it back about me) that he should b3 the one to do that how he shouts at people
- chuck cushions in a temper of frustration, a year or so ago used to throw my clothes airers or sweets around the room when he’d say I don’t need to be heard sat there calmly because he used to have music blaring and cooking early hours as he’s a chef and work shifts finished very late
- I’d ask if he could shower before bed as he smelt strongly of grease after work as I’m into cleanliness in a big way and I used to think he could say ok no worries but he’d shout at me for controlling him and would pretend he’s on a call in the middle of me talking, soon as I stopped talking he’d show me he wasn’t really on a call so I used to lash out but as h3 says I do ove4 react and I’m aware of that
- I’ve called him lots of swear words, selfish, in the early days 2024 he said a millionth time he’s done and no one would wan5 me properly, so I said fine I will prove I’m worthy and joined a dating site but I literally just downloaded it in front of him and he didn’t care at all, so I left it as I only did it to see he might care, later on a notification came up which he saw and said I was bad for doing that which I was and I felt awful, but honestly I didn’t even add a photo or put a bio up
I know it’s bad, but my ex was physically and mentally awful. This one says things that aren’t great, but I’m 37 and I can’t see now meeting someone better, grass isn’t always greener and all that
I just need some perspective from strangers. I’m so drained