AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

I'd definitely be buying it on that account.

I can't imagine my kids even noticing when they were that young. The OP manages to buy thrush stuff. I think it's extremely unlikely students would notice what she is buying; that's just bananas. Shop during school time? God there are so many solutions to this non-problem.

That all said, if I had said to my partner I needed him to buy lube before we could have sex again he would do it immediately, no question and I just wouldn't have sex with him until he did, and he would know that. The OP should not be having sex she doesn't want.

Honestly the first few posts are infuriating. ‘Husband can you do one simple thing to allow me to enjoy sex as I don’t want to buy it while the kids are with me.’ Husband doesn’t do it and the responses aren’t saying what a ridiculous situation that woman is having sex that makes her bleed because her husband hasn’t followed through on a simple task, no instead the responses are well YOU could have ordered it from Amazon!

Why are you continuing to have sex with your husband without the lube if you know it might make you bleed for heavens sake??

oh good, so I am not the only one to have picked up on this. I do find it quite disturbing that OP and her DH had (vaginal) intercourse under these circumstances...

I would not want to share an online shopping account with a relative

If I saw my teacher buying lube I’d have told everyone

Re your thrush, if it's reccurent and won't go, look into your vaginal pH.

A week of these and then a maintenence one every couple of days might keep things balanced so things don't get out of whack.

Give the old girl a rest in the meantime, semen, condoms, sex toys, soap etc can also throw it off.

Edited to say that if you were approaching him with a strap on and no lube, and then stormed out when he said he wasn't up for it because the last few times it had made him bleed who would that make you? A "good wife"?

"it got me thinking about the expectations on women to take on almost all of the responsibilities to do with sex. And why shouldn't he play a part? I would absolutely love him to get the snip but he refuses which I find very annoying. He does get sulky and says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me. So I do think that is a him issue."

This is a you and him thing, not a society thing.

He sulks.
He won't take responsibility.
If you don't take responsibility he would be happy to forgo sex.
He fails to buy lube and will then have sex with you until you bleed/get thrush.
And thinks that's a joke.
He's away a lot.
You work and do the bulk of childcare.

Why do you want sex with this man?

but how likely is that to actually happen? That you're in the process of buying lube and some random student comes along and pokes around in your shopping? Eh? It's ridiculously unlikely to the point it's not worth considering.

So neither of you will buy it in person and you don't have your own Amazon Prime account? And you haven't considered buying it online from another place?

But you made a very good point of making the effort every three months

Something doesn't add up. 😬

on line shopping.

Yep this! OP you’ll just need to put your foot down and let him face the natural consequences of his laziness.

It’s sad that he doesn’t care about your safety and comfort in sex,but you need to care about you! Do not have sex next time if there’s no lube, not just out of principle but for your physical safety.

I also agree with others who have said go see a GP in case but also I wonder if you’re dry when having sex with him because of some kind of emotional issues such as feeling (understandably) resentful or uncared for. But yeah see a medical professional!

edited to add : Also if you’re not happy to take BC for much longer it may be worth having the conversation with him again about having a vasectomy as you’d rather not be on BC.

Even if he says no it will at least remind him that you are the one making the sacrifice here for you guys to have baby-free sex.

Or maybe suggest using a condom? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yes. This. Let him sulk. YANBU.

It’s how I buy our lube. And you get it cheaper on subscription. Have you turned it into a little test for him? I couldn’t be arsed with that.

Order it online from Boots or Superdrug for click & collect - it will be handed to you in a bag or box, nobody can see what’s inside.

I can't believe that such a simple problem can't be resolved by the simple process of buying online. Can't you alter privacy settings on Amazon so no one else can see your purchases?

Your GP gave you 6 months of antibiotics .... for thrush?
Thrush is a fungal infection. ABs won't sort that, they often cause it.

Are you sure it's thrush?

If you get thrush and you use lube, it could be the lube you use. Lots of them contain glycerin and some preservatives. Yes or Sutil don't, you can buy them online.

YANBU. But I also don't understand why either of you doesn't just order it online! You can set up another free Amazon account, or order it from anywhere else on the internet.

Don't order from Amazon then, get it from superdrug online or something.

Or just don't have sex until he goes and buys some.

Not the point of your thread but you commenting on the bleeding and thrush made me want to comment and suggest you look up a condition called lichen sclerosus and if you do have those symptoms please mention it to your GP.

You could just buy it online but actually I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

I'd just refuse sex at all until he sorts it 🤷‍♀️

Of course. ANY teenager would.

The surprising thing to me is that you keep having sex with him. You know it hurts you, he hasn't bothered to pick up lube (liquid silk btw much better than anything else) so just don't have sex.

There's hundreds of online shops to buy lube from.

I think the pair of you have made an unnecessary drama over something that amounts to little more than needing to buy milk or shower gel.