AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

No it isn't.
Loads of poster on here have agreed with you.
Loads have said he's in the wrong for expecting sex he knows causes you issues if he doesn't buy the lube.
Loads of people agreeing with you.

What are you going to do about it OP?
Stop having sex until he does it?
Carry on having sex that makes you bleed and chafe knowing he's taking the piss?

says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me.

No, it doesn't keep the responsibility on you because he is offering to wear a condom, this taking responsibility. Just agree to condoms and issue solved. I refuse to use hormonal contraception because it makes me ill and the coil was too painful, that leaves condoms, which we use with no problem and no side effects to me.

Posters claiming he's putting all the responsibility on you need to recognise that offering to wear a condom so you can stop taking the pill IS him taking responsibility. If you say no no I'll keep taking the pill because you don't like condoms then that's you making your own life difficult.

That's not going to help the lube problem though.
Or his sulking.

This ^

They can. But if they do, the much larger problem behind the small problem gets swept underneath the carpet. So they don't as a way of bringing the bigger problem out into the open.

If they just put this problem on an Amazon prime subscription then the ‘much bigger problem’ isn’t an issue. He’s willing to wear condoms so she doesn’t have to take the pill so he can even do his share there for their sex life. They don’t actually have to make it a big drama.

You really need to talk to him about your building resentment for not getting a vasectomy.

Edit: If he is suggesting to wear condoms then why is the 'pressure' of contraception 'falling on you'?

You both sound incredibly childish and you really should see a specialist about your physical situation, there must be hormones which will help, even supplements, multiple supplements for women who are not lubricating, eyes and vagina, omega oils , Sea buckthorn omega-7 and oestrogen were game changers for me when I started peri menopause, you don’t have to live like that but equally you are a grown up who should be able to purchase whatever the hell you want without worrying about someone else’s kids or your husbands mum.
as other people have said, just buy it online if it’s that much of a problem, it doesn’t have to be Amazon but even if it is Amazon, your mother in law is also an adult, I’m sure lube is not unheard of in her age group either.
just own it in whatever way suits you.
also, consider ditching your sulky husband who’d rather have dry bleeding painful sex with you than go and buy a bottle of common or garden lubricant.

My husband will buy it but often just get it in the online weekly shop.

Condoms can also be drying

God can everyone stop bitching about him not getting the snip 🤦🏻‍♀️ why does the phrase ‘my body, my choice’ only seem to apply to women?

So? They can use lube with condoms

She needs lube anyway! It gets her off the pill.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! Its been illuminating and interesting!
Mainly because most people have sat very strongly on one side of the fence or the other.
I think I can conclude that I have been unreasonable in the following areas
-being embarrassed to buy lube. Didn't realise I was such a prude. Genuinely thought everyone would be embarrassed to be seen with it in their basket!

• having sex without lube previously to this morning. Not being clear enough with my boundaries and so minimising my reasons for wanting it. Whilst I brought it up every time over the last few weeks, always assuming by the next time he would have bought it, I was not firm enough that it wasn't going to happen without lube.

Although this is contrary to some posters, I do think I was not unreasonable in my overall expectation that this is something my husband could take care of (as he has been doing for the last few years). That the woman is not solely responsible for every aspect of the sex life including preventing pregnancy and dealing with issues related to sex. It doesn't necessarily have to be lube but condoms or any other aspect that makes it a joint endeavour and not something he just rocks up to and walks away from! I will continue to make this point to him and be firm that due to our logistics of him being in shops far more than me and my generally having far more to take care of to be ready for sex, this is his responsibility and I will not be having sex without it.

I dont believe this is spiteful or cutting my nose off etc. I believe it is demanding a sharing of the load and respect for my body. Yes, I could just order some online but I do believe that it shouldn't just be down to me to ensure our sex life is maintained and its not down to me just to buy some tomorrow so the status quo can be resumed with no real understanding happening.

Finally, thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to share your concerns and advice with me about the thrush and bleeding issue. Some great advice which I will pursue!

Just order it online and get over it..Ridiculous.

I guess I'm also a prude, I would feel a bit awkward buying lube 😅

I totally see your side. It's nothing for him to pop out and get it compared to it being more difficult for you. Yes you could order it online. But feels annoying that your husband can't just do it next time he's at a shop. My husband would be more flexible with time like yours to buy stuff like this so it would irk me if he wouldn't and left it all to me too!

So it's OK for you to be embarrassed about buying lube, but not for him to be?

Anyway, one word. Amazon.

(Oh God, I've just Googled 'Amazon lube'. My adverts are going to get interesting.)

But they’re not using lube….

He's being a dick and should buy it.

But you're overthinking yourself buying it - who cares if you get it shopping or on your family Amazon prime account or wherever. It's just lube. On the very slight chance anyone notices and says anything you just say 'yeah it's for when I have sex, whats the problem?' and side eye them. Its very very normal to buy lube.

This isn’t about buying the lube.

It’s about the fact that op asked her partner to do this one thing for them and he hasn’t or won’t. Yeah she could but it herself, but that’s not the point I guess.

They are also not using condoms, so what’s your point? Obviously if they bought condoms they could get lube at the same time.

Pretty sure his Mum knows you have s*x, and couldn't care less if you ordered lube online.

If you're buying the sorts of lube that are sold in supermarkets, you can say it's to help when you're inserting tampons or suppositories for constipation - ie. lube has uses beyond sex stuff that might be private but certainly capable of explanation to a child.

I don't think it should be your husband's responsibility to choose lube (maybe his to buy it) - it's for your comfort and there are a huge range of different lubes available with different combinations of ingredients. The main categories are:
*Water based
*Silicone based
*Oil based
(There are some hybrids as well)

Water based = safe with condoms.

Silicone and oil based aren't safe with condoms.

Silicone lubes shouldn't be used on silicone toys unless covered with a condom first.

If you do anal play there are specific thicker lubes sold for that purpose.

Look up osmolality + pH in relation to lubes and also check lubes for glycerine - this may be an ingredient worth avoiding re thrush but I've seen conflicting info.

I've been trying Uberlube - a silicone one that comes in a spray bottle and Yes! Water Based. I didn't get much difference between the two but in theory silicone lubes are meant to last longer.

In addition to lube for sex stuff, there are some other items to consider that might help comfort wise:
*Vaginal oestrogen
*Vaginal moisturisers
*Emollient ointments

Vaginal oestrogen works locally in the vagina to give it enough oestrogen to make it less fragile / dry / irritated. You can use vaginal oestrogen creams around the vulva too. If you're under 50 in the UK a GP needs to prescribe this.

Vaginal moisturisers are a non hormonal way to add moisture to the vagina and are used regularly eg every 3 days regardless of what sex you're having. I like Yes!VM but there are a number on the market.

Ointment consistency emollients eg. Zeroderm can be soothing to the vulva and can be applied as often as you want through the day eg. before +/- after weeing, if weeing hurts.

Vaginal and vulva skin is usually quite good at repairing itself quickly. But breaks in the skin = possible routes for infection to enter. Penetration that's making you bleed / hurts with dry skin isn't the safest thing to do even if you're into sexual pain.

That takes us back to your husband needing to care about your safety and enjoyment of whatever sex stuff you're doing. If there isn't lube there's probably little scope for sex involving genitals and moving to other body parts and activities will be needed.

Honestly, YANBU to expect your husband to think about these things & buy it. But also, the teacher privilege is running extremely thin with me in my NHS job (can’t have an appointment in term time, can’t have an appointment in holidays because, hello, I’m on holiday). WTF do you think everyone else does?

Order online. Either one of you. See a GP about your postcoital bleeding.

Buy it online?