AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

Oh god this doesn’t need to be a wider ‘poor women’ debate, sex is suppose to be fun, just order the lube online and dial down the drama.

There are lots of places to buy lube online as well as amazon. You sound really angry about DH in relation to sex and him buying the lube may not entirely stop the anger.

Also as a side note… I do understand why as it’s one thing you’ve asked but if it’s causing you the issue I would just sort it.

I say this as someone who also has problems in that area. I get sore and dry and need lube. I recommend yess natural line (you can buy it online!!!) and it will help with the recurrent thrush too. I had awful thrush repeatedly and the dr said it becuase I was getting sore and micro tears and then infected leading the thrush. You need to get some vaginal oestrogen and you will feel so much better

Why does your husband not care that you're uncomfortable without lube and bleeding after sex?

Do you actually find the sex enjoyable?

Op I think you are conflating two different things! This is not about the gel which you can order very easily by yourself from an on-line chemist.

The concerning issues here are that:

1. He doesn’t seem willing to go to the slightest bit of trouble for you to ensure your comfort
2. You don’t seem able to say no to sex with him when it’s not physically comfortable for you
3. You can’t communicate about this properly without him sulking.

How is the rest of your marriage? Is he a good husband otherwise?

Edited to say sorry I have just read your update op and indeed you are saying that this is representative of your marriage in general 💐

Actually though, if you’re getting thrush regularly, how are you buying the cream or whatever you use? Can you get a few tubes of lube at the same time? I agree though, it should not just be you making the effort. Why should you pay constantly for it. Also, is this perhaps a sign things are not right and he’s not that bothered because he’s up to something when working away? Hopefully not

Set up a separate non-prime account.

Tableforjoan yabvvvvu if you think students won't care 😂 😂 😂

Order online.

My teacher friend puts all sorts though the Morrisons check out where quite a few of the students at her school work.

Shes never had a snigger much to her disappointment and she’s tried hard 😂

Tell him if he wants sex to arrange to get lube somehow. And that it's off the table until he does.

Boots, Superdrug, Lloyds all do online, nit sure why this is such a drama.

YANBU
Of course you don’t want kids you teach (presumably teenagers) seeing you buy lube. It would be all round the school in minutes. There would probably be a TikTok made about it. Anyone saying who cares if a 17 year old sees you buy lube hasn’t worked in a school.
”D” H should defo buy it.

This
buy online
or say no sex until he buys it
I’ve never heard such nonsense

Goodness me agree with the pp who says dial down the drama and buy it online.

Love honey orders come discretely packaged.

I'm surprised too.
Far too much concentration on lube, far too little on what seems to be a shitty relationship.
And now OP refers to herself as a prude when she is having sex with a man when it's causing her pain and potentially putting her health at risk.
It's a bit of a leap but he works away 3 days a week, he wouldn't be the first man to be playing away given the opportunity.
As they say on MN, raise your bar OP and good advice to see a GP.

Since its so fucking easy to buy lube then the dh can do it easily too. But the lazy arse just wants to turn up and fuck his wife without putting any effort in. You know what I wouldn't be having sex with him if he can't even do the minimal required to make it comfortable.

He probably thinks that people will assume he is either gay, or bad at sex, for needing it - some stupid rubbish like that.

But to be fair, I am not sure you can judge him too harshly as you don't feel comfortable buying it either!

There are plenty of places you can order it on line if neither of you like to buy it.

More concerningly, do you know why sex is making you bleed? I would really get that looked at it you haven't already, as that is very unusual, and suggests to me that either you perhaps have a health issue that needs looking at, or your husband's sexual technique is unusually brutal....

You are both being unreasonable. Don’t have sex without it and grow a pair and buy it. Use scan and shop and scan it straight into a bag if you find check outs that scary.

Exactly. This is one of those threads that has gone off in an odd direction because people picked up on the "teachers can't buy lube" aspect early on rather than the "husband doesn't give a shit about causing his wife vaginal injury" aspect.

Other mail order suppliers are available.

Sadly I think you have more issues than just who buys the lube.

Maybe he could do a big shop and get some?

But long term he should be considering a snip. 15 minutes and a day or two of mild discomfort vs years on hormones and their attendant risks and inconvenience.

Does it hurt - a lot less than treading on a lego brick.

Does it affect your 'performance'? as a colleague put it to me after mine. No.

I am a self confessed prude, I've got worse as I've got older. So I totally agree with you OP.
I mean you could fix the problem and use another online site besides Amazon but why? Why pay for the post and packaging, deal with spam emails forever more etc. when he can just walk into a shop 5 minutes from home without so much as a eyebrow raise.
But I am clearly the minority here OP!

Go to the doctor's about the bleeding though that is always something to get checked out.

You are making a problem where there needn't be one.

Buy it online.

Set up a separate Amazon account or get it from Love Honey.

i don't get the whole 'making it his responsibility'. You are the one that needs it more than he does and it benefits you both sexually so does it really matter that much who buys it?

Er, sex is supposed to be fun for both parties.