AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

You say you're a teacher, but you can't think of a solution to this.

Really.

Surely you don’t share an online account with your mum for every online retailer? If you can’t order from Amazon order online from Boots, Superdrug, an online chemist - literally put it into google and a whole load of options for online purchase come up.

Order it from Boots or Superdrug then?

never bought in a shop its not like you have to go in a sex shop with your kids! if you do not use Amazon, there are loads of other sites just like eBay, LoveHoney, etc all delivered in discreet packaging. meant to say buy mine online with Pharmacy2u when i do my monthly prescription, which I get a reminder for, once I have sorted my tablets i go onto to their shop even get my dogs Spot on from there

Thank you for the replies, has been very helpful to see other perspectives! Am going to try and respond to the main recurring points

1. I do recognise that its within my power to buy it and could do it online etc. I think my perspective on it has been that its his responsibility for logistical reasons (way more time to himself, frequently being child free in shops and not being a teacher local to school so chances of seeing a student/parent is reasonably high) but also just because I take care of everything else (the pill, the bleeding, the thrush etc.).

I have felt aggrieved when we've gone to have sex that he still hasn't bought it. To me, it feels a small thing for him to do to think about my enjoyment and comfort.

1. I do enjoy sex and think we have a decent sex life. I enjoy it more when we use lube because it doesn't chafe and I dont bleed.

1. My husband is a good man and our relationship is strong. No other concerns about him and I do believe he just hasn't got round to buying it which is why for the past few weeks we've just had sex anyway because we've wanted to but I put my foot down today as its seemingly just a joke between us now as he hasn't bought any.

1. Whilst I'm not attempting to make this a huge issue, it got me thinking about the expectations on women to take on almost all of the responsibilities to do with sex. And why shouldn't he play a part? I would absolutely love him to get the snip but he refuses which I find very annoying. He does get sulky and says fine if I won't stay on the pill then we'll use condoms/ not have sex so it keeps the responsibility on me. So I do think that is a him issue.

1. Thank you for the concerns about my health, will look into the suggestions. My doctor put me on a 6 month course of anti biotics to treat the thrush after I got it 6 times last year. This seems to be working as I haven't had it since December.

Agreed.

You can buy it online. I used to get sylk as the packaging was not at all obvious but that was discontinued.

Now get Yes.

If buying lube is one of his chores? Yes, he ought to buy it. But that isn’t what stuck out to me. As pp said: just order it… or buy it yourself! 🤷‍♀️

But you had sex without lube? Repeatedly? Even though that makes you bleed and both of you were fully aware of that / were expecting your to bleed?? Why did you agree to this? Why would he even agree to this?? Or want this???

if not Amazon other online lubricant sellers are available! (Also are you sure the people you share an account with can see what you order)

just tell him no sex till he’s bought some.

Agree with the vaginal oestrogen. All postmenopausal women not on oral HRT should get this for intravaginal and vulval use. The cream is better than the pessaries as you can also rub it on your vulva as well as using the intravaginal applicator. The stronger oestriol cream in 15g tubes is less messy than the weaker larger tubes

Does she think you don’t have sex???

Actually I think the lube is the red herring in this thread.

OP - Frequent bleeding during sex and repetitive bouts of thrush are not normal. Have you spoke to your GP about this? I think that should be where you are directing your frustration - why do you have these issues at all??

You are right that its a small thing to ask your "D"H to buy the lube and I can totally understand why you dont want to buy the lube in front of your kids or potentially your students. But I'm sure you could of worked out for yourself ages ago that you can buy this stuff easily and discreetly online.

Why are you continuing to have sex with your husband without the lube if you know it might make you bleed for heavens sake?? I suspect there's some sexual coercion happening here from you husband and I think you need to think about why you're not talking about that.

You’re really piling it on now. This isn’t what your OP was about. Now people have told you to just buy the stuff, you’re shifting and making it about wider issues that really aren’t the problem. No point getting high minded when all you have to do is walk down an aisle and put the stuff in a trolley. It is ridiculous that you’ve made him buy it every single time, it really is.

Your husband’s sulking is childish, but we all behave in stupid ways at times. You have contributed to this situation, too, so take a deep breath, stop blaming him for everything and start talking to him.

It’s not irrational. Would you want your school-aged kids to watch you buying a bottle of lube?!

Get a separate Amazon account!!

I’m a teacher too, get creative with the way you hide stuff in your shopping trolley!!

Yes it’s ridiculous you’re not buying lube but to be honest it’s a staple in our bedroom and always has been. We buy in bulk….!

Here you go - have fun!
https://www.boots.com/wellness/condoms-sexual-health/lubricants-massagers-gels

If you want to make it his responsibility, you need to be ready to say no to sex without it.

Your choice whether it's worth it, but this way you are the one suffering, and he isn't even inconvenienced.

I can't imagine a world where I would want to stick a part of my body into a part of another persons body, for pleasure, until they bleed, and then it becomes an in joke. For starters.

See your GP and then see another for help with your poor vag, until you get your thrush and bleeding sorted. It's not about the lube, both of you are well within your remit to buy a bottle, it sounds like you're feeling resentful of him more widely and I can imagine why.

Its oretty lazy of him but just Get it off amazon.

Sounds like there's more friction in this relationship than can be eased by lube.

@Orangeducks OK, yeah, you are being unreasonable in one respect, you can buy it online but this isn't about the purchase of lubricant is it, it sounds to be like his lack of responsibility and more importantly concern for your physical well being? That is him being very unreasonable and that would upset/hurt me too.

You need to tell him this and not make stupid arguments about who buys the lubricant because you are dragging it out and making it something it isn't.

Tell him its not who shops that is the issue (although it is), its his lack of concern for your wellbeing/comfort/enjoyment that is.

Chafing and bleeding during sex is not normal! Are you peri? Have you had this and the recurrent thrush investigated? He might be re-infecting you. The only time I had thrush was when I was severely anaemic.

Come off the pill and tell him to buy condoms- no condom, no sex. It might clear the thrush too. And WHY do you share an amazon account with his mum???

Just a thought. Does he remember to buy condoms?

If you think that Amazon Prime is the only way to buy online then honestly, you’re getting to a point that’s beyond help.

Right! This is the point and also the point that he refuses to do this one thing when OP does other things like the BC.

Ffs so far I’ve hardly read any sensible replies. So many are missing the point.