AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

No but I generally take care of my end. I need lube sometimes. He needs viagra. He sorts his tablets and had the snip

just think it’s got a bit silly and it’s disgusting he doesn’t care she bleeds.

Ive no patience for helpless women. Go to boots ffs.

Stand firm. It’s his job.

You shouldn’t do it if it makes you bleed. Best wishes

I haven't read the full thread, and note many other posters have addressed the lube / purchasing issue. I just wanted to add that I used to get terrible thrush all of the time. I found that I don't get it when I stopped sleeping in pants and my DH washed his penis before and after sex. I never get thrush anymore since incorporating those measures.

I don't think there is anything helpless about a woman who organises the contraception, organises medication for a recurring sexual related issue (thrush) and seeks medical advice for post coiltal bleeding including multiple cervical screenings, ultrasounds and investigations. There is nothing helpless about me in ensuring our sexual relationship is smooth.

Is it too much to ask that he picks up a bottle of lube as he has always done for the last few years?

Perhaps he is hoping you won’t want to have sex with him.

I second that recommendation.

I don't understand how you've got yourselves in this situation OP. You won't buy lube because you think he should. Him not buying it is equivalent to him not caring if you have painful sex etc etc. Presumably he's not forcing you into sex?

Also, if you need lube for sex, presumably you also need it for masturbation so I don't understand why you aren't happy to buy it. Or why you aren't buying it online like everyone else.

I suspect this lube argument is not about lube at all, but something else that's not right in your relationship.

In your place OP, I'd simply tell him that if he has the snip, I'll buy the lube and until that happy day, it will be a case of no lube, no sex. And I certainly wouldn't be buying it. The fact that he knows how uncomfortable sex is for you without lube tells you everything you need to know about his true feelings for you.

What? Order online

It's not that interesting is it, that people answered the question you actually asked?

So you think it’s weird that she’s interested in her own thread? Why is that strange?

I'm with you. I'd be telling him to get some or shop closed. Why is everything left up to us all the time?

YANBU. Too many ‘cool wife’ posters on this thread.

Order online from Boots or the Replens website

Don't have sex until they get lube.

Its not about being the ‘cool wife’ its simply why is this even escalated to an argument?, if my OH repeatedly forgot to buy lube, i would just roll my eyes and sort it myself 🤷🏻‍♀️ and later on be like oh i picked up the lube btw, everyone forgets to pick stuff up from the shop and assuming lube isn’t frequently purchased it would be a ‘vinegar list’ item for us, ‘oh ffs forgot again’ and whoever remembers while at the shop grabs it- which OP wont do anyway.

I'd have a bigger issue withhim refusing the snip tbh.

I've only read your posts @Orangeducks

You do know that if you have thrush, that your husband will need treating too? Otherwise you're passing it back and forth.

As for buying lube, absolutely he should take more responsibility. Yiu know you can get it, but you want him to put some effort in.

Stop sleeping with him until you have both been treated for thrush.

If op wants sex it’s an odd hill to die on that’s all.

If I knew my husband was shit at shopping and lube made sex nicer for me and I want sex I’d just buy the lube.

It's rather cutting one’s nose off otherwise.

I say nicer as op was obviously happy and wanted sex the times they did without lube as she said so on this thread.

I send mine a list as he goes to the shop, sure it’s still wife work but I get what I want. A quick text to pop in on his way home from work to grab whatever always works.

Don’t worry about being a prude. I’m 44 and still get embarrassed buying tampons 😂

I get it OP. Its not so much the actual purchasing (although just order some from boots or superdrug) its the thoughtlessness behind his actions and then him still expecting sex. Admittedly you havent helped your cause by having sex with him anyway and putting up with the pain.

If it were me, I would explain this to him slowly and carefully so he fully understands and his stupid man pride doesnt see it as a rejection of the sex per se more so his thoughtlessness that he hasn't cared for your comfort.

Ps. Has your husband been treated for thrush as it could be coming from him every time hence you kept getting reinfected. He needs the tablets and cream asap.

Buy it from Superdrug, Durex lube is on offer at the moment. Buy vitamin tablets at the same time as a cover story!

You can separate your accounts- there is a family link function - so you can both order without the others seeing

For me it is not about 'buying lube' - it is about thinking of you - effectively he is not thinking of your enjoyment - and that is the bigger issue

No pun intended but you can get it from
“just eats “

they deliver for Asda

@Orangeducks you seem pretty defensive to people who are answering what you’ve asked.

You want him to get lube but will willing have sex without it despite bleeding. So you don’t have any boundaries with him. If this matters to you - you say it’s important to me that you buy lube because I take contraception or whatever your reasoning and then you have to decline sex. He’s clearly not very bothered about consequences here or doesn’t get the issue.

If you’re generally upset about the balance of things in your relationship you’re going to have to use your words to talk to him.

I was coming on to say this he needs treated too to stop it spreading