AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

[Orangeducks]

For years me and my husband have used lubricant in sex because otherwise I bleed/ it chafes and isn't that comfortable. The bottle ran out about a month ago and I asked him to buy more (I know I could buy it but im a teacher and terrified a student/parent will spot me buying it). Its always been him that buys it. He just keeps forgetting and the last couple of times we've had sex without it but I bleed and its become like a joke that he hasn't bought it. We were about to have sex earlier and I got annoyed that he hadn't bought any yet. I explained that I play my part in our sex life by going to the pharmacy every 3 months and getting my blood pressure checked etc to get the pill and put artificial hormones in my body every day (he refuses to get the snip though were definitely done with kids) as well as all the other stuff that women accept comes with sex (I get thrush fairly frequently) and that I felt it wasn't much to ask that he picked up a bottle of lube. I am almost always with the children (they attend my school) as well so any time I'm shopping, they're with me. He works away 3 days a week so has a lot more time alone and I am very rarely out of the house with out my kids and don't fancy going to the lube aisle with them! He's just stormed out and said I could buy it and now is sulking.
AIBU to make it his responsibility to buy it?

@Orangeducks sex definitely doesn't have to cause thrush! I'm single and have had more than one partner in the past 18 months, not had thrush once (I also take responsibility for getting myself tested, and buy lube 😂)
When I was younger I used to get it all the time, I'm talking before I even had sex for the first time! When I left home and started buying my own toilet roll it became apparent that it was that causing the thrush for me! Now we have andrex every time, and if I go away for any length of time I take it with me too, because the times I haven't bothered it has happened again!

I agree with you. He had one small job and he's happy to make you bleed instead of just doing the job.

I think your being ridiculous considering you can just buy it from a pharmacy online

You need to practise more kindness in your responses.

Nowhere did I say I didn't enjoy sex.

You can think I'm immature for feeling embarrassed about buying lube
Fair enough, I probably am. But you dont need to be so aggressive with your point.

I think you mean ‘two happy people, because one of them who happens to be female has done all the thinking and planning and sorting’ although sorting your own medical solution to menopause is not the same category- I’d be surprised if there’s a man on the planet whose taken the lead in doing sorting about their wife’s menopause.

Buy it online!

What an odd post.

She IS a teacher. So shopping during school time would involve leaving work. When it’s quite easy for him to buy it, lots of free time in his large amounts of child free life working away, he should just get the fuck over himself. In the ops shoes my marriage would be sex free for a long time, until he bought lube, a new attitude, gave me a childfree few days away solo since the op works and parents on her own large chunks of the time and displayed a new aptitude for parenting and housework when he was at home, because I would be so done with this attitude of sex housework parenting and bringing in an income as expected wife service with fuck all appreciation of the big load he’s just walked away from.

I am even more troubled the OP is a teacher and cannot problem solve such an issue.

I can understand that you feel he should be sorting this, as you do everything else - but assuming you enjoy and actually want sex, just buy some online!

I'd be a bit concerned that if you're not menopausal that you need artificial lube to have comfortable sex though!

As for your recurrent thrush I suffered for decades until I discovers a product called Multi Gyn Acti gel. A little shot of it post sex has left me clear of thrush for years after having it nearly constantly before.

Oh and I share a prime account with my husband, but I don't see his purchases on my order history!

I think people are being harsh/dismissive. I also expect my husband to buy lube; similar reasons to you. I know I could easily do it myself; it’s more the principle of why should I? I do most other things and this is something he can take responsibility for. To be fair to him, he does remember to keep stocked up!

I kind of got the impression it wasn't just about that - as OP says, she is doing the other things that need doing to enable their sex life. And he can't even organise himself to sort this one thing?

On reflection I wondered if it was actually the lube causing the thrush. Thankfully it's not something I've ever required even in menopause but my sister did. After Doctor prescribed oestrogen gel/cream lube was no longer necessary.

It’s buying some bloody lube! God this is built up into something ridiculous.

Has your DH been tested or treated for thrush? He might be reinfecting you each time you have sex.

I don't care who buys the lube. But what the hell is your husband thinking, having sex with you when he knows it causes you pain and you bleed? What the fuck is wrong with him?

I'm sorry, I would find this utterly unforgiveable. I mean, I don't know why you would go along with it, either. But a decent man wouldn't expect you to. He would care about your comfort and safety more than about getting his end away.

Your husband is not a decent man, sorry.

LoveHoney is your friend. I can recommend Liquid Silk.

This is very reductive. Of course I can get my hands on the product.

My point to my husband was that I had asked him to take care of this one element of our sex life which was picking up a bottle of lube. I was ensuring there would be no accidental pregnancies and dealing with thrush and getting treatment for that. It felt hurtful that he hadn't got this so we could have sex which wouldn't cause me discomfort.

She wanted to have sex with him… she hasn’t ’gone along with it’

So he sulks. He has sex with you even though it’s uncomfortable for you. Wants you to grow and birth children and stay on the contraceptive pill forever rather than have the snip. He sounds v selfish to be honest. I agree with you -you asked him to sort one thing and he should have done it.
lubes can disturb vagina flora and cause thrush. I would ask your GP or sexual health Dr for the safest option for you. Also some contraceptive pills can increase thrush frequency.

So you think OP should do literally everything to facilitate their sex life? Why would that be, then?

I think your marriage has bigger problems and this is just a signal to those problems. His attitude towards you leaves much to be desired.

This

If the OP could Amazon it.. so could he... and as for the sulking.
I think it is a case of he can't be bothered to do this one thing she's asked him to do to avoid real discomfort. And then he has the absolute cheek to sulk and storm off about it. I think that's awful behaviour.

Amazon orders can be archived if you wanted to hide them. He could easily do that, no excuses for him not to.

"To hide an Amazon order, use the "Archive order" feature on the desktop site to remove items from your main order history. Log in to Amazon.com on a browser, go to Your Orders, find the item, and select Archive order. This hides the purchase from view but keeps it accessible for returns."

Sorry I wasn't clear enough that sex doesn't cause me pain, it just chafes/rubs a bit afterwards if we don't use lube. I have chosen the past few times to have sex because I want to but have told him each time it would be better for me if he gets lube. He keeps saying he will but by the time we go to have it, he hasn't again. That's when I got frustrated with him for not prioritising it

She doesn’t HAVE to stay on contraception because he doesn’t want the snip- get sterilised, she doesn’t HAVE to have uncomfortable sex because he won’t buy lube- buy it yourself.
i see the point of “its the only thing he has to do so why couldn’t he do it” but whats the point in stomping your feet and getting stroppy about it?
take control and sort yourself out- lovehoney, ann summers etc alot of places you can subscribe so it arrives monthly/whatever frequency without either of you having to think about it, done.