To be so upset by what my aunt said and did when I went to visit

[Droopydroopingdropped]

Hello
I know I am probably being unreasonable and my aunt had every right to say what she said but I feel horrible and just want to get things off my chest
I can't talk about this to anyone in real life as they will think me too shallow
Anyway I visited family abroad after 6 years and the first thing my aunt said when I arrived at her house was "You look so different, oh you've changed so much."
When I visited last I was 50, still having periods and also had met the man I am now married too so I was all giddy and glowy. Six years on and, although still in love, life throws a lot of stress at you etc plus I am post menopausal.
I thought I looked okay but she kept mentioning it, saying oh my hair was so thick before now its thin, I look drawn, I dont look like before.
Just basically making me feel like shit.
She wouldn't cook either so would just eat snacks for herself and then fry me a load of chips
After a few days of this my skin came out in horrible boils
I endured 3 weeks but luckily there were some other relatives who took me out for meals and tried to send food for me because they all know what this aunt is like.
She would ask what I would like to eat but then just make chips
When I came back to the UK I got diagnosed with fatty liver!
I feel traumatised by my experience and I don't want anything more to do with this aunt who seems to be angry that I have had the audacity to age.
I did manage to stay with a cousin for a couple of nights but her husband didnt really like me being there.
I spent so much money for the flights and buying gifts for everyone and bar a few of them they just made me feel awful especially the aunt!
She is my mum's youngest sister, never been married, she lives with her unmarried brother who also has gone a bit weird.
I am researching fillers and plastic surgery, she has given me a complex.

You were very passive and now you are being passive again by blaming your aunt for your health issue and low self esteem. You seem to hope your idea of yourself as a helpless victim will be colluded with, here. Not ok.

“Traumatised” because someone said you look different than you used to?

Doesn’t like a fun visit but you’re a grown woman who can leave, or arrange her own food.

If you didn't say I'd assume you were around 13/14yo. You had agency and are delusional if you think three weeks of chips gave you a fatty liver.

Why couldn't you take yourself out for meals or buy food and cook for yourself, why eat fried chips if that's not what you wanted

This.
And why didn’t you consider taking your aunt out for a meal occasionally?

I don't understand why you had to eat mounds of chips cooked by your auntie? You're a grown woman. Couldn't you just go to a cafe or buy food from a shop?

It sounds like you aren't happy with the way she spoke to you but the food thing seems a bit weird.

I would never stay with someone 3 weeks and expect them to feed and cook for me that whole time! What a huge expense. Maybe she couldn't afford more than chips. You should have sorted your own food. And then whining that your other relatives took you out for meals just a few times or just had you to stay a little bit. Yes it was expensive to get there but 3 weeks is too long to expect anyone bar your parents to host you that long. And fatty liver takes months/years to develop. Her bluntness over your appearance was thoughtless but probably not intentional. Focus on eating better (more protein and fibre) and exercise and you will do well. Menopause is hard. Take this as a jumpstart to a healthier lifestyle and hopefully you will feel more confident and happier soon.

She sounds nasty. I wouldn't be visiting her again any time soon! Some people just love to make digs and tear people down.

You have the advantage of being younger than her. I would have been tempted to laugh and gently rib her about losing her filter in her old age and you hope she isn't becoming senile now.

What did you do for the three weeks there?
As an adult - why didnt you go to the shops and get yourself some fresh food? Even if you werent allowed to cook or use the kitchen - you could have gone for a walk/ taxi somewhere and had some bread/salad etc etc that didnt need to rely on an old lady to cook chips for you.
OR....after the first week - gone and stayed somewhere else for the remaining time.

OP your post only makes sense if you were a child and were relying on people to care for you.

You're a grown adult, there was nothing stopping you sorting yourself out or going home.

Your 3 weeks didn't cause fatty liver disease.

That’s true but she’s giving this bonkers woman a lot of power. Which I can imagine is hard not to do of course. But op this is a good opportunity to shore up your self confidence and not be so knocked by others. She’s hit a nerve obviously but she hasn’t made you feel anything, you’ve created those feelings.

you post like you have no agency op which as an adult isn’t true.

I am a year older than you. While your aunt was very unkind I think she’s just mirrored something you are already feeling.
To be frank, I cannot believe how much I’ve aged between 50 and 57.
Like you I found love later in life and when I look back at pics from 10 years ago I look great. And I felt great.
Menopause - not going to bang on about it as it seems to irritate some posters but I am post menopause now, and the differences….
My hair, once my best feature, is thinning and like straw.
I appear to have grown another chin.
Gone from a size 8 to 14/16 with no change in diet.
Crinkly skin everywhere. Baldy lashes. Nails which break.
And it goes on….
I think facing up to that is the real issue here. Don’t pin it on your aunt, and regret the trip.
Yes, it was rubbish.
The question is - what next?
It depends on your budget, and your feelings around improving yourself but dealing with the surface:
Change your hair. Go to the best hairdresser you can afford. It’s the best investment.
You don’t need to spend a fortune on skincare but do a bit of research. No 7 is brilliant and I’ve noticed have a new skincare range coming out tomorrow..
Make up. Move away from powder formulations and to creamier ones. Wear less.
Moisturise head-to-toe every day.
Think about what you are wearing. You don’t need lots of new clothes or follow trends when don’t suit - I just returned some wide leg jeans as they looked awful on me - but have a look around Instagram for a few stylish people.
Try HRT.
And embrace the freedom. I’ve lost a lot of friends recently - all around my age - and they would all swap places to still be here. Dealing with my beard is a small price to pay.
I saw a pic of my mum at my age the other day and my first instinct was - wow, she looks older.
But she doesn’t - it was just the styling then.
However, she did embrace life. She had great friends, she loved younger friends, she was always trying something new and just did her best to enjoy life.
Sadly she died at 70, and I think if I get that long, just 13 years, it’s not that long, is it?
So take heart - you deserve to be here, living a good life, with people you love.
Knobbly knees, shit eyesight, creaky elbows, saggy boobs, oh and shall I mention feet….? 🤣

Hi OP, I'm sorry you were made to feel this way. I think some responders aren't taking into account that depending on which country you flew to, it may not have been that easy to just come home, nor to just go and get your own food. I also think it's important to remember that things we can easily brush off from strangers or acquaintances, can hurt us deeply when they come from family. Nobody has the power to wound quite like a close family member. Anyway, you've had a rubbish time, spent a load of money, and learnt a big lesson. It sounds like you have a good relationship, and you are now empowered with knowledge about your health. Spend some time nurturing yourself - from your liver to your skincare - and try to put this bad experience behind you. Don't see them again - or if you must - meet them only at social gatherings (such as weddings) where you are in control of what you eat and when you leave. And have some fillers/botox if you really want to - it's not a moral failing! Take care of yourself OP.

No, she didn’t give you a fatty livers. That is all on you.

Three weeks of eating chips absolutely did not cause fatty liver disease. You are using your aunt as a scapegoat here, take responsibility for your own health - you’ll feel better.

Your aunt sounds rude and I can see how what she was saying would’ve hurtful and wear thin very quickly, but your response is odd (I’m researching cosmetic procedures) and so I wonder whether you need to access some help to work on your self esteem.

It sounds like a horrible visit, I wouldn't bother going there again. Did she invite you, or were you there for another reason? I wouldn't have eaten chips for 3 weeks, why couldn't you source food from somewhere else? Didn't you go out of the house to anywhere with shops or restaurants? Interested to know what on earth your aunt was eating too.
Women change quite a bit around menopause age (going through it myself) but it's normal. She was very rude, and you should just ignore her - you could have said something like 'so have you!' I bumped into someone I hadn't seen for many years last week, and they'd changed so much I didn't even know who it was. But in any case, she doesn't sound like good company, and your stay doesn't sound remotely fun, so don't go back!

You cant get fatty liver from afew weeks of unhealthy food !!!!

She did not cause you to get fatty liver! This takes YEARS to build up. There is no ‘tipping into the unhealthy range’ it’s not like a kitchen scales! ⚖️

So this is normal behaviour for your aunt? Why couldn’t you go out for meals, you don’t need to be taken! Same as cooking for yourself.

And as for inferring that you got fatty liver from the chips, you didn’t!

You’re 56?? This is on you. How are you a whole 56 years of age and unable to take care of yourself.? You are the only one responsible for what you put in your mouth. Why did you eat the chips all the time? Surely you could have walked to the shops and bought something. OR asked for more food from the other family members who knew what they were like?
Sorry but all of you sound bizarre. They sound odd, but so do you. Wanting plastic surgery because at 56 you ate chips.

What a strange visit.

She literally fed you nothing but chips for three meals a day? Really? She gave you chips for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Nothing else?

She sounds odd and rude, but you are being silly. You don't come out in boils from a few days of eating chips, nor does it give you fatty liver disease. Also, you've said yourself your aunt is odd, so ignore her comments.

OP - I think you are being given a hard time here!!

I am not British and have family overseas, so I understand it can be tricky to navigate food when you are staying with someone else. I can can also relate to being on the receiving end of disparaging comments - not quite as blatant as your aunt’s, but nonetheless upsetting.

Were there no shops or markets to buy some fruit?

You sound like a teenager not someone heading towards 60 who can fend for themselves!

This whole food/health/self imagine thing is very odd and did not manifest after a three week shitty family holiday, otherwise we’d all be a right old state. It sounds as if you’re doing all the right things now. Good luck.