To be so upset by what my aunt said and did when I went to visit

[Droopydroopingdropped]

Hello
I know I am probably being unreasonable and my aunt had every right to say what she said but I feel horrible and just want to get things off my chest
I can't talk about this to anyone in real life as they will think me too shallow
Anyway I visited family abroad after 6 years and the first thing my aunt said when I arrived at her house was "You look so different, oh you've changed so much."
When I visited last I was 50, still having periods and also had met the man I am now married too so I was all giddy and glowy. Six years on and, although still in love, life throws a lot of stress at you etc plus I am post menopausal.
I thought I looked okay but she kept mentioning it, saying oh my hair was so thick before now its thin, I look drawn, I dont look like before.
Just basically making me feel like shit.
She wouldn't cook either so would just eat snacks for herself and then fry me a load of chips
After a few days of this my skin came out in horrible boils
I endured 3 weeks but luckily there were some other relatives who took me out for meals and tried to send food for me because they all know what this aunt is like.
She would ask what I would like to eat but then just make chips
When I came back to the UK I got diagnosed with fatty liver!
I feel traumatised by my experience and I don't want anything more to do with this aunt who seems to be angry that I have had the audacity to age.
I did manage to stay with a cousin for a couple of nights but her husband didnt really like me being there.
I spent so much money for the flights and buying gifts for everyone and bar a few of them they just made me feel awful especially the aunt!
She is my mum's youngest sister, never been married, she lives with her unmarried brother who also has gone a bit weird.
I am researching fillers and plastic surgery, she has given me a complex.

Quite harsh really. I imagine ppl don't usually come to you for support.

OP it's understandably difficult for people here to comment on a culture that sounds completely different from our own. So you have to understand that your comments about not being allowed in the kitchen and not being able to buy food don't make a lot of sense. Whether or not people comment on appearance is also a cultural thing, your aunt is living in in culture that you do no live in, maybe its normal there to comment like this? Or maybe not. We can't possibly know. We also can't possibly on one hand make allowances for a difference in culture re food but judge aunt against our cultural in terms of manners. I'm sorry but you will only truly relate to someone who is a cross between both and can get both elements.

No harsher than other replies. But there you go. The posts do not read like a 50 odd year old woman. Griping about spots and fatty liver and not being "allowed".

Firstly you haven't got fatty liver because you've had some chips over the last few weeks.

Secondly, what was stopping you from buying food and cooking it? Why was your relative expected to feed you?

And lastly, why did you stay with a relative you so clearly dislike?

Tipped you over to fatty liver well what about all th years before and what you had been eating. This post stinks of avoidance, your advising admitting you have been eating shite, and are using your aunt as an excuse. Just deal with it, a lot of us look different to 6 years ago anyway but most of us don’t see it ourselves.

No idea, I didn't ever ask that question, I just focused on how to fix it. For me, losing over 50KG has helped.

I'm assuming that was just you trying to have a snarky dig. I'm not sure if it was at me or the OP. But, my entire post focused on what to do now, not on who should be blamed for the liver issue (which wasn't my main health issue). Rather than apportion blame, I was trying to help.

Not sure what your one liner was trying to achieve.

If the whole family, to quote OP, 'knows what she's like' (the aunt) then OP likely knew too.

Who in their right mind keeps their mouth shut and just accepts chips every night?

There was nothing stopping OP stating she'd cook a few nights as a thank you and going to get food.

IMO visiting family or friends doesn't entitle anyone to being fed day and night for free. OP could have and, by the sounds of it, should have stepped in rather than just moaning and she absolutely should have bought her host some wine or food as a thank you.

How do people not understand that not every country is the same as the UK? Its not unusual to not have food shops nearby, you may not feel safe walking alone and there may be a langubarrier.
We visit my MIL in India (we used to stay in her house for 3 weeks), where she lived was quite a walk to local shops, certainly no supermarkets unless you went to a mall or the city centre, and I wouldn't have had a clue how to get there under my own steam (nor would it have been totally safe and there would definitely be a language barrier).
If family are hosting, 3 weeks is not unusual and they would expect to feed you lovely food (we used to give MIL some money to buy extra food)

The fried food maybe tipped you into the unhealthy range as far as eating habits are concerned but fatty liver disease is not caused by three weeks of eating chips. It’s either caused by excessive alcohol consumption or it’s the result of years of fat build up in the liver caused by obesity, sedentary lifestyle and high cholesterol/blood pressure.

So you do have a delivery service.
I speak two languages fluently, can get by in another three, and have lived in five countries and visited 80, and am married to someone from another continent. Not sure I need my mind expanding about the world....

That google shows that one or way or another, a large area of the world can get food delivered...either in a local way or a more Western way.

100/195 countries have delivery services eg Deliveroo in Europe or Yassir in Magreb.
Other countries have informal delivery- you ring the restaurant/cafe/food service etc and it comes to you.
I suggest you read it!

Wow, some of these comments are brutal! It's like you feel bad so they want to make you feel worse!! Is it possible to be jealous of someone you can't even see? Because, some of these comments reek of jealousy and mean girl!

I know what it's like to feel beautiful and then worry that you can't give that part of you to the world so you want to hang on to it...I get it. It's a fleeting thought for me, most days, but it's still a thought that's there and I have no problem in acknowledging it publicly or privately. People have accused me of being vain because I have blonde hair, go to the gym, have a sense of fashion etc. I don't judge others but they seem to think I'm open season. Let them do what they do, I don't care.

As evidenced by your aunt and some of the comments on this post, women can be spiteful, vindictive, jealous and petty. Don't let anyone bring you down, though. That is always, without fail, symptomatic of low self esteem on their part. They don't like when people aren't apologetic about their looks or confidence.

You are fine. You have aged. Fine. We all do, if we're lucky, so they say.

You had your feelings hurt. Fine. Now you know how everyone is there, make sure you don't invite that toxicity into your life again. You're under no obligation to allow people to hurt your feelings!

As for fatty liver, I have no comment on that but wish you speedy recovery!

Hope you feel better today.

The aunt did not deserve a Thankyou. She didn’t put herself out and was nasty to OP! I do expect a host to take care of guests, taking the trouble to find out which foods they like etc. I’m sure OP would like to have helped if she’d been allowed. If the nasty aunt didn’t want to host then she should have contacted the nicer relatives. What a shame they weren’t the hosts in the first place! There are some spiteful, mean posters on here!

Ethnicity has a massive effect on susceptibility to liver disease.

According to Google's summary:
Hispanic people have the second highest prevalence (11.8%–22.9%) and more aggressive disease progression.
Asians have higher rates than white people. South Asian populations are particularly susceptible, often linked to higher rates of metabolic syndrome (diabetes, hypertension).
Bangladeshis have the highest susceptibility of all.
Black people have the lowest prevalence (roughly 1.5%–13%) and lower risk of severe liver fibrosis/inflammation.

Given OP's remark about bombing, I looked up prevalence in Iran - a staggering 35% of the population has non-alcoholic fatty liver disease putting them at nearly the same risk as Bangladeshis. It's also highly prevalent in Israel, affecting approximately 30% of the population.

Anyway, @Droopydroopingdropped, I understand the problems you faced at your awful aunt's. Sometimes on here, replies are very aware of cultural & societal differences. Other times, definitely not!

Your post immediately made me think of the stereotypical Indian auntie, who is a trope because so many Indian families have them! You have my sympathy, though it's a relief that you were able to see your nicer family members too. Obviously don't have beauty interventions just because your aunt's crazy.

Was it India? That is what springs to mind for me.

It’s rude as fuck to comment on things like hair thinning and appearance. She sounds like a nutter tbh.

Jealous of what exactly? 🤣
The OP has not claimed to be good looking. Plus looks are subjective and fleeting. A decent person is decent regardless of how they look.

I have never measured myself by my looks because I’m not a shallow person and ultimately is an accident of genetics. But if you genuinely think you are beautiful then how does one person’s comments throw you so much.

Oh and you do judge, you assume women are being bitchy.

How many chips do they eat and does it come on within 3 weeks for them?

No, I can read and people were being bitchy. That's not assumption. But, I'm assuming you're triggered because you have been called out on being bitchy and now you want to posture to pretend you weren't doing what I know you were doing.

You've never measured yourself on your looks? Good for you. Some people do and that's not your business, is it? I think I'm beautiful and, as I stated, comments don't bother me. Petty people wish they would but that's a them problem!

You aren't going to win a battle of wit or self esteem with me, so I hear you, acknowledge you and now you can move along.

Why India? I am pretty sure eating chips is a rarity there.

Oh dear.

I own what I am, good or bad.

However I am amused. Anyone who says they are beautiful and that people want to be them is vain and usually very deluded. And usually a teenager - Now that is ‘mean girl’ vibe 🤣🤣

Genuinely beautiful people (inside or out) don’t define themselves by it or accuse others of wanting to be them because they are secure enough in themselves not to have to boast about it

Here's the thing.

I came here to support someone who felt down and you have attacked the OP and me. So, out of all of us, who is truly 'beautiful' here?

Get a mirror and grow up.

All the best x

I haven’t attacked anyone. Yet here you are playing the passive aggressive card, trying to get the last word 🤣🤣🤣

Self defined good looks don’t make a person decent. Because when those looks go, the self esteem goes with it 🤣

I suggest you read it!

who are you suggesting reads what ?

We thought she was going from the UK to somewhere else, but what with the endless chips, perhaps we all got it the wrong way around. Perhaps she going from Singapore to the UK. I mean, she did say it was a third world country she went to.