To be so upset by what my aunt said and did when I went to visit

[Droopydroopingdropped]

Hello
I know I am probably being unreasonable and my aunt had every right to say what she said but I feel horrible and just want to get things off my chest
I can't talk about this to anyone in real life as they will think me too shallow
Anyway I visited family abroad after 6 years and the first thing my aunt said when I arrived at her house was "You look so different, oh you've changed so much."
When I visited last I was 50, still having periods and also had met the man I am now married too so I was all giddy and glowy. Six years on and, although still in love, life throws a lot of stress at you etc plus I am post menopausal.
I thought I looked okay but she kept mentioning it, saying oh my hair was so thick before now its thin, I look drawn, I dont look like before.
Just basically making me feel like shit.
She wouldn't cook either so would just eat snacks for herself and then fry me a load of chips
After a few days of this my skin came out in horrible boils
I endured 3 weeks but luckily there were some other relatives who took me out for meals and tried to send food for me because they all know what this aunt is like.
She would ask what I would like to eat but then just make chips
When I came back to the UK I got diagnosed with fatty liver!
I feel traumatised by my experience and I don't want anything more to do with this aunt who seems to be angry that I have had the audacity to age.
I did manage to stay with a cousin for a couple of nights but her husband didnt really like me being there.
I spent so much money for the flights and buying gifts for everyone and bar a few of them they just made me feel awful especially the aunt!
She is my mum's youngest sister, never been married, she lives with her unmarried brother who also has gone a bit weird.
I am researching fillers and plastic surgery, she has given me a complex.

Whatever caused your fatty liver would have had to be present for months potentially so I don’t think you can lay that at her door for giving you chips every day.

Why didn’t you go out (or even go home?)

You say your relatives "knew what your aunt is like", so presumably she's always been odd and she's obviously not going to improve with age! And nobody gets fatty liver from 3 weeks of chips and snacks. Apart from that, why couldn't you buy food for yourself. Why were your relatives "bringing" you food. OK, so you couldn't use the kitchen or uber eats but surely there were shops and eateries so you could cobble something together. Where the hell were you? Even Tristan da Cunha (the most remote island in the world) has got a shop and a pub!

The word ‘trauma’ has been so overused and misused that it’s become meaningless. If everything is trauma, nothing is. It’s like ‘vulnerable’ in that regard.

I highly doubt you got fatty liver from two weeks of chips.

YABU for blaming her for that.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and change your lifestyle. Forget the botox and fillers. Your problems are not external.

Hard agree.

Sorry not read all replies
This is in a developing country
I wanted to come back early but I thought things would improve and I didnt want to make a scene
Most people visit their relatives for months at a time so three weeks is nothing
It is a culture known for hospitality so not being fed by an aunt was truly weird
I used to read those threads about relatives serving tiny portions and think that would never happen in our culture
Well. I have first hand experience of it now!
For those saying why was I so passive
Because there was literally no way I could cook anything
I wasn't allowed in the kitchen
There are no ready meals in the shops
Anyway thanks for reading and taking time to respond

Here you go - if the fatty liver was from the food, it must have been months of it

www.boltpharmacy.co.uk/guide/how-long-does-it-take-to-get-fatty-liver

You're a grown adult. None of that explains why you ate all the fatty food and didnt organise your own.

I agree with PP that if the food was that bad that you think you developed a long term illness, why wouldn’t you just come home?

I wasn't allowed in the kitchen
There are no ready meals in the shops

Wasn't allowed...how exactly. Was the kitchen under lock and key? Was there an armed guard at the entrance? Was someone trying to physically restrain you? Or was it just that people were a bit upset if you tried to cook there?
Did shops not sell any fresh fruit and vegetables you could eat raw? No salads? No cafes to have a meal in? Nothing you could have made a sandwich with in your bedroom? No street food (pretty weird for a "developing country" if that's the case).

Horrible woman with no filter.
You now know not to rrspond to her again, nor visit again.
Put it doen to experience, albeit a bad one!
But one you won't ever repeat.

Most people have come across someone with no filter.

We do a wide swerve and avoid them going forward.

Ok, so you weren't allowed in the kitchen. What was stopping you from going food shopping? Fruit, nuts, yogurt, sandwich ingredients should be widely available in most places.

Failing that, I'd have moved out/cut the trip short. As you've unfortunately found out, there's no prize for sitting there like a martyr listening to an eccentric relative going on and on about your figure, your hair, your diet ecc.

And I don’t think what the aunt said was unkind. Certainly not enough for you to have work done!

Your aunt was rude and very inhospitable. Perhaps she didn't want you to stay and hoped you would move on to some kinder relatives.
I agree with others that you didn't get fetty liver overnight, but you probably put some weight on and it won't have helped.
YANBU to be upset, it must have been horrible. I hope you find a way to put it out of your mind and move on soon.

I'm guessing the country is somewhere like India or Pakistan - I think some Mumsnet posters think there's a Tesco Metro on every corner all over the globe but there very much isn't.

OP - just chalk this up to experience. Your aunt is rude and has no filter, and it sounds like she just couldn't be bothered to be a decent host to you, for whatever reason. Maybe she's jealous of you for living over here? Who knows, but her rudeness isn't your problem. Just don't waste your time or money going back again!

It's considered extremely rude in virtually every culture on earth to just start cooking in someone else's kitchen without their explicit consent.

I cant keep explaining why I wasn't allowed in the kitchen or why I didnt come home early
It would have caused a scandal
The point is I stayed and luckily I had other relatives who stepped in and were amazing
The point is I am upset about how I was treated by my aunt who was overly critical about my appearance and then to add insult to injury couldn't even be arsed to cook. This is after telling me for months and months how they were looking forward to me visiting.
I am freelance so can work from anywhere also when we were younger we would go there for six weeks at a time during the summer holidays.
Any other nit picking?
Damn right I wont be going again. I dont even want to speak to that aunt ever again.
I will maintain contact with the nice aunts and cousins who were delightful.

Nothing to stop you going to buy some different food! I think staying somewhere for more than a few days is far too long-I’d have booked somewhere for myself so I had space and wasn’t imposing.

I would imagine she went somewhere like some African/ Asian country where there are no western-style shops and no deliveries (as she says) and where people are supposed to be looked after when they are guests. Some of these places have no restaurants and nothing where you could buy ready-made food, as as she was not allowed in the kitchen she would not be able to eat anything.

In any case, inviting someone over and not feeding them is kind of shitty, no matter what country/ culture.

This. And to go out and make your own food would be seen as incredibly rude.

I think a lot of mumsnetters have guessed that op is not white British and her family is from a developing country and are being purposefully obtuse. Or they are just very small minded.

Regardless, a lot of the replies on this thread are so rude and so out of proportion. Some of you need to take a good hard look at yourselves.

And what if there wasn't anywhere to book? If her relatives live in a place with no shops or restaurants, it's not very likely there are Premier Inns either.

Why didn't you just go and stay in a hotel then, speaking as someone who often visits relatives abroad I get it, but on the other hand you're old enought to stand up for yourself.

I think a lot of mumsnetters have guessed that op is not white British and her family is from a developing country and are being purposefully obtuse.

Yep, although 'obtuse' isn't the word I'd use.