Can't your mum help ?

[Alltgetreesarebrown23]

aibu to ask people please not to casually say 'can't your mum help out' or 'go stay with your mum' when women have problems, usually with babies and partners. Not everyone has a living mum, a healthy mum, a mum in the same country etc. And if it was that simple, chances are the OP would have done it! We don't all have the same lives

i get what you mean but meh. It often comes up on here that MIL is the utter bitch for never helping - and that is often when this phrase comes out.

If you don't want to hear that, mention in your OP that your own mum isn't an option.

I know, some people talk as if there were no such thing as a grandmother with a job.

Totally agree; this was said to me when my children were young. My mum was healthy and able, just not willing to help. She’s always been extremely self centred and narcissistic, and were she ever to offer help it wouldn’t come without caveats.

Fast forward to my sons in their teen years; they have a decent relationship with her, but it’s all on her terms. To hear her talk she practically brought them up.

So yeah I massively resented people telling me to “ask my mum for help” when my boys were young. They’re 19 months apart so yeah it was super tricky for a while. I got to see what I was made of though.

Bloody ridiculous….. my mam died when i was a kid but i wouldnt take offence from anyone unwittingly not knowing… grow up,, you,ve alot to learn….