Sil hen party

[irishchick93]

My s.i.l is getting married and i am bm. They are currently in talks about hen party to go to Ibiza
In August for 4 nights. I havent flown since 2001 as i have such a fear. Im also 39 and feel like i couldnt keep up they are 28ish. And lastly.....its £1000 before spending money AIBU not going...she wont be surprised im not going as i literally never go abroad?

The other hen to Ibiza is £1500 for 5 nights so you're getting off lightly. Just say sorry you can't go. Maybe offer to help organise a local night out, spa day or afternoon tea as an alternative if a few folk can't make the foreign trip?

Well £1000 for 4 nights in Ibiza? What on earth are you getting for that??

I do feel your pain OP. I am still scared of flying and didn’t travel by air for nearly 10 years. I missed out on so many holidays and experiences which looking back now makes me so sad.
when I got together with my partner 12 years ago he encouraged me to tackle this as he is a keen traveller. I spoke to a doctor who prescribed diazepam for flying. It doesn’t take the fear away exactly but it calms you down.
I also try to break the flight up into chunks of time. So take off to seatbelt sign coming off. A meal being served. Maybe getting up and popping to the loo. Deciding to watch a film. Each is a chunk of time I get through.
The more I fly the less scared I am. I still get diazepam but it’s more of a security thing for me now. I’ve flown at least once a year including 2 long haul flights to the West Coast of America for the past 10 years and I’m so happy I conquered this as I’ve made some amazing memories. Be brave - the rewards are worth it.

People who are not scared will never fully understand how it is and so many people told me to just get over it / it was just a short flight / it’s the safest way to travel etc. It was friends and my partner being kind and patient with me that gave me the confidence.

Not wanting to party on a hen do with ladies 10 years younger than you is a separate and valid concern. But please don’t limit yourself due to your fear alone. There’s so much to see out there.

I wouldn’t even refer to the fear of flying to be honest. Over £1000 is an insane amount of money to spend on a hen weekend. I hate this trend of overpriced abroad hens. Puts so much pressure on people who will often already be spending a lot of money on the wedding itself (travel, gift, outfits, drinks on the day). What happened to a nice meal and a pub crawl?

Just address it head on "sounds amazing but well outside of my seat of expertise! As I'll be sitting Ibiza out, I'll leave you in the very capable hands of X!"

That's not really how phobias work...

@sparkletasticWhy should she step down?? It’s not conditional ffs! Assuming she’s been asked because the bride likes her, not so she can add numbers to the party in Ibiza!

🤣 really?

It's not like the whole world watched 9/11 happen in 2001 is it - 🙄I'm sure this increased countless people's fear of flying... It did mine, and I am around OPs age.

You could get a train and ferry

But why would you ?

I am actually now in a position where I could afford to take £1000 out of our account without leaving us short, but I have better things to spend it on than 4 days in Ibiza. That's without adding a day's travel either side, on her own, if she followed this daft idea.
"Not for me thanks" is a perfectly valid answer.
The OP doesn't want to go for a whole combination of reasons.
If you organise such an expensive break, then you can expect lots of people you might want to invite, to not want to go.

Which is much more risky than flying, more expensive and by the time she gets there it’ll be time to set off home again 🤣

What the actual fudge is costing a grand before spending money?