Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

[FirstNight]

23years ago I found mumsnet and became the network I shared and found strength and support as I raised my 3 children and make 100s of Mars lemon drizzle cake 😁

Really didn't think I'd be back here so soon seeking advice.

2026 the final child is 18. The mortgage will be paid in 2mths and the silver wedding anniversary will be upon us in the autumn.

Middle child ..21 in Sept. Moved out 2 yrs ago with the boyfriend. Back in December they noted the tenancy on flat was up and won't be renewed (house being sold). In January they asked if could bunk down with us for 6mths so they could save some extra £ before moving to a new place. Yes of course we say...for a rent payment that covers utilities and food and evidence of saving.

Now today...we have an excited couple informing us they are pregnant. But no other plans than still to move in with us. Dd job is likely not to pay more than maternity allowance , the only saving grace is that career chosen is term time so in 6 yrs will work well for them. Boyfriend has just moved from salaried to self employed...so not a positive for applying for new tenancies.

I was looking forward to enjoying freedom without a small child hanging about and time to reconnect to hubby. Seems we may end up as additional hands, broken nights sleep and a kitchen and lounge full of baby related paraphernalia.

I want to be excited but all I'm thinking and remembering is those first few years with our eldest and the struggles and challenges that come with this.

Nah I'm grand thanks, I'd offer it to my own kids first but the eldest 2 already have jobs they are delighted with.

Why are you so cruel, to force this young family apart???

It takes 2 to get pregnant 😀

Hahaha try harder love.

There was a thread on here the other day from a lady whose son moved his girlfriend and the girlfriends two cats into her home, none of them work, the couple in their early 20's are both pretending to be too anxious to work and have burdened themselves on the OP. Sometimes you make a rod for your own back letting adult kids and their partners move in. The father needs to take seriously his responsibility to house his own kid, the OP might get into a situation where in ten years time and three kids later, they are still living there refusing to leave!

Yes but now they are pregnant when they haven't found an alternative place to live and he hasn't got stable employment!

There was a poster upthread who posted about her 40 something son with 3 kids who still lives with her. I think OPs situation may not be temporary.

Ah…so you do see the lunacy in placing the blame of “tearing this young family apart” on the shoulders of anyone other than the actual parents in this scenario. 👍

Yes because they are the only options in this scenario 🙄

Yes but they could lose their jobs and suddenly be excited by surprise pregnancies!

Exactly.

The ''temporary'' part would be my main concern. Especially with them showing up excited which shows how immature and selfish they still are.

I'd be wondering what is really going to change in 6 months.

No, not at all, just not placing the blame on forcing the young family apart on an absolute and total stranger who has not so much as crossed paths with them and never will lol

My family are similar and I’ve also been shocked at the responses on here. Is it ideal, no far from it and I understand why the OP feels upset and disappointed about the situation but I really hope she doesn’t take advice from some of the people on here.

My in-laws are also very much you’ve made your bed lie in it and even though their family is extremely small, they’ve still managed to fall out with what family they do have. We are ‘close’ to them but my DH always says he’s so pleased to marry into a big family where we all look out for each other. I have had to help siblings out over the years and do a lot for my parents now they’re older but I know they’d all do anything to help me or my family. Interestingly, we have friends from various European backgrounds (think big Spanish families) and Vietnamese friends and our attitudes towards family here in the UK is always a hot topic!

It's what plenty of people have suggested

And what you suggested.

Yes I guess it depends where you live. I live somewhere where it’s impossible to find anything to rent and you can be kicked out therefore I waited until I bought a house to get pregnant. I don’t believe that everyone who gets pregnant and announces it to their parents that they are moving in had an accidental pregnancy

In fairness we also don't know what type of self employed this is. Maybe he's doing reasonably well with work in a steady trade and is building reputation and client base having gone out on his own or maybe its selling flying monkeys who knows. But just being self employed in itself doesn't mean he's automatically a waste of space, lots of people who are self employed do well for themselves. We don't have enough information to make that judgement.

I am 100% pro choice but to me anyone pushing someone to get an abortion is just as bad as someone actively preventing a woman from getting one.

Self employed does not mean he's a waste of space. It means he can't rent easily, and therefore OP has to step in. That's my point. It's a luxury he can only afford because of OP.

Realistically though lots of rentals aren't in great shape. When I moved the landlord refused to paint or carpet or repair the walls so i had to do that. That cost me over a grand to do. How many people have that in their back pockets. On top of rent in advance and deposit. It's one thing to manage all your bills and another to have thousands in savings.

I certainly wasn’t kitting out my rentals with carpets when I was 21! That’s a silly expectation for someone of that age. 21 year olds are entitled if they think that they can afford posh rentals. But hey ho…it’s OP’s job to ensure that they don’t endure scruffy rentals.

I suggested abortion? You do understand sarcasm don't you 🙄

That's the chance you take when expecting. Almost no jobs are rock steady and a lot of people rent. Must all be the riff raff we font want breeding? You must now buy a house first? Maybe have the mortgage paid off beforehand cause you know you might loose your job? You could be struck down with an illness, you could be in an accident. Guess nobody should have any more babies so.

Sarcasm again?

Not really, it's seems that's the bar a lot of people have set as the rules for when people are ready to have a baby lol. Nobody knows what's around the corner for them, that doesn't mean you should abort your baby that you're happy about because of the inevitable variables of life.