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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

422 replies

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 12:45

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 16/03/2026 06:08

You're not in a relationship You're are pen friends. You don't know this man. Its all fantasy. Get in the real world and meet real people.

Zanatdy · 16/03/2026 06:08

The Home office will not give you a marriage visa anyway as you cannot show this is a subsisting relationship, as it’s not. You need evidence of this.

Bringemout · 16/03/2026 06:28

YourShyLion · 15/03/2026 23:59

Don't know if you've ever watched 90 day fiance? There's a lady on it called Rebecca Parrott who married a Tunisian man and it follows her journey. It worked out brilliantly and they're very happy but more often than not, it's a disaster.

I just googled her and she’s divorcing him for cheating.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 16/03/2026 06:39

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 20:05

He said he doesn’t need my money

He says that now...

Augustus40 · 16/03/2026 06:42

He wants a British life. User!

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 16/03/2026 06:57

Ohh, please don’t.

I’m genuinely worried about you, @JustCoralGoose

Romance scams are devastating. I watched a recent documentary on Netflix.
What these (quite often teams) of people do is

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 16/03/2026 06:58

Is fucking awful.

It’s called Love Rats, i think. Which is actually a very glib title for what these people do.

(I pressed it too quickly)

PineconeBiscuits · 16/03/2026 06:58

Watch a few seasons of 90 day fiance and then have another think! Will we see you on a future season in the future I wonder?

I'm British and married to a foreign DH (although he was already a citizen when we met, I didnt bring him). I'm also Muslim and although he is Muslim too, we have different views culturally. We also love watching 90 day fiance and we are always amazed at the wild stories on there.

If you are seriously still thinking about going ahead with this then a few things to do are
-Ask lots and lots of questions about his culture and his religion. These are two separate things!!
-Definitely do not marry him before meeting him and without asking about my previous points
-Go and visit Tunisia because how can you consider moving there if you've never been. Arrange your own accommodation and take a friend or family member with you

Forthesteps · 16/03/2026 07:08

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 23:41

So basically this reads to me as women don't know there own minds and men are more intelligent than women? how many excuses are made because women don't think?

Maybe giving women a short sharp wake up call and not endless waffle about how hard done by they by their own making may actually make women stand up and think more?

Short sharp shock about the situation. Not personal insults simply designed to wound.

cottingleyfairy · 16/03/2026 07:17

Is his name Mustapha Passport?

mrswomblesbusy · 16/03/2026 07:18

cottingleyfairy · 16/03/2026 07:17

Is his name Mustapha Passport?

😄😄

Holdmybeermoment · 16/03/2026 07:22

Can you tell us a little bit about yourself @JustCoralGoose? Like, what’s your relationship like with your family and friends? Do you live independently? What’s your education been like, and what sort of business are you qualified to start and be successful in?

You come across very very naive and I’d have said you speak like a young teenager, not someone in their 20s so maybe you have some SEN or you’ve maybe just been very sheltered in life. I hate to use the word vulnerable but you do seem to be. And, anyone falling for someone from another country who has popped up online and started the marriage and visa stuff… maybe does need a little bit of help from an adult in their life. Please talk to someone and tell them you need some help and support because you’ve almost been tricked in a marriage with a stranger. Therapy would be a good idea too, and therapy isn’t shameful or insulting. It can be very useful in building your self esteem.

Obviously you need to cut contact with this man. That means blocking him in every platform. Don’t have a discussion with him first; just block him on everything and speak to someone in real life who is responsible.

TheMrsCampbellBlack · 16/03/2026 07:28

Don't ever marry a Muslim.

blackcatlove · 16/03/2026 07:30

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
How are women still falling for this shit???

There is so much information out there about how much of a scam this is.

handsdownthebest · 16/03/2026 07:36

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 19:05

I feel I’ve wasted my time and he’s really disappointed in me that I’ve even suggested he might be a scammer in fact he’s already talking about moving somewhere else in Europe and has become a bit colder so that kind of tells me all I need to know and that I’ve wasted my time and energy being invested in this or even considering it. Yes I think somethings not right with me mentally. Objectively, I can see that it is wrong

If he’s Tunisian, his second language will be French. You should assume that his preferred European country is France.

TheLemonLemur · 16/03/2026 07:45

Aside from all the red flags a man wanting to marry you when you are not even in a relationship beyond online messaging you said you are not interested in him this way. Please don't fall for it I had a friend marry a Tunisian man she was pregnant almost instantly and he scarpered never met the child

mrswomblesbusy · 16/03/2026 07:46

@JustCoralGoose "Objectively, I can see that it is wrong"

Right.

Now you have woken up, you need to 'start smelling the coffee'.

Block this leech on all communication channels, take the advice from wise MNetters on this thread about securing your bank a/c and protecting your identity.

Then move on.

TheGander · 16/03/2026 07:46

cottingleyfairy · 16/03/2026 07:17

Is his name Mustapha Passport?

Love it 🤣. And his cousin is Mustapha Visa.

AnonSugar · 16/03/2026 07:50

FFS stop this now OP!

mrswomblesbusy · 16/03/2026 07:55

TheGander · 16/03/2026 07:46

Love it 🤣. And his cousin is Mustapha Visa.

Edited

😃😃

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 16/03/2026 08:00

Please be a troll. Please be a troll.🤞🤞

That way i don’t have to worry about a woman having her life destroyed by this obvious grifter.

@JustCoralGoose you’ve had some good advice here, please take it.

Hohofortherobbers · 16/03/2026 08:02

I know 2 acquaintances who fell for this scam. Both men left them as soon as they had the spousal visa. Disappeared, leaving one with ds.

Hohofortherobbers · 16/03/2026 08:04

Both women were at least 10 yrs older than the hot young men who were chasing them. Just too flattered to think straight i guess

Hohofortherobbers · 16/03/2026 08:06

One Gambian, one Kenyan, totally love bombed on holiday. Treated like dirt once in the UK

RedRock41 · 16/03/2026 08:09

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 20:05

He said he doesn’t need my money

Yet block him. You’re being groomed.