Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

I grew up in Algeria and have been to Tunisia several times. Tunisia has a problem in that they have educated a lot of people to a good level but there just aren’t the jobs available. Marriage North Africa is usually an arranged affair and involves 2 sets of families joining forces. Not something done pretty randomly between 2 individuals. Tunisia also has a long history of gigolos who target tourist women, selling sex and an illusion of affection. They even have a name, the Bezness. The ultimate prize for them is to marry and come over to the west. Don’t be a victim OP.

You are not in a 'relationship'.
He is an internet friend.
I suspect he won't take 'no, not interested' well. Your easiest move from here is to send a BRIEF message that makes it clear your mind is made up.
"I won't be moving to Tunisia or having you stay with me here. I have enjoy our conversation over the years but I won't be continuing with that. All the best". BLOCK on all platforms.

You aren’t interested in him as anything more than a friend anyway so just tell him that?

Have you not seen Catfished? Look on YouTube, see if it seems familiar.
Best of luck!

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Do the online freedom programme to recognise red flags so you can protect yourself.

Lots of information on here on marriage scammers

https://stopthinkfraud.campaign.gov.uk/how-to-spot-fraud/stay-alert-to-fraud/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22306226833&gbraid=0AAAAA9SMCFyosi4AUvDh5_QGLCWN6SrWP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIh4b7yN-ikwMVKaJQBh0NWi-OEAAYASAAEgJ3IPD_BwE

These are really good links, thanks @Saynototheinevitable

Can't believe people still fall for this old trick.

Give your head a wobble and read back everything you have just written.

It's actually unbelievable. This stuff is so well known. It's an absolute cliché.

My Leningrad trip was an unexpected extra in the 'reading term' of my Junior Honours year. The 'proper' year abroad was the year before, but mine was split between Moscow and Paris (at a Russian speaking college).

One of the boys in my year came back engaged to a Georgian girl he met in Voronezh. Another of our boys came back married to a Russian girl... That was in the very early '80s.

When he got back to Glasgow he had to go tell his fiancée that he'd married someone else.

@JustCoralGoose I honestly don't know whether to be angry with you or just dispirited at your painful naivety. You've honestly only just heard of this kind of romance scam, this "Tunisian love rat thing"?
I know he's been nice to you for four years and he's never asked for money, but it's all part of the long game for him. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you're just one of half a dozen gullible women to whom he's spinning the same tale, just waiting for one to "bite". Don't be that one.
You say you've a lot going on in your life, starting your own business and so on. Please, for the sake of your own health, sanity and bank balance, concentrate on that and forget this guy. Several other posters have pointed out the many, many red flags - please take their advice on board.

(Full disclosure - slight personal investment in this, as my late SiL was scammed by an Egyptian "student" who wanted to come to the UK to further his medical studies. He disappeared after she fell ill and couldn't work and the "loans" dried up)

Ffs, you can't be that daft, surely.

It's a scam. One of the oldest scams in the book.

FWIW, my (Eastern European post-war refugee) dad proposed marriage after only knowing my mum for three months. But...There was no question of his going home at that time, he'd met her parents and he'd saved up for and had bought a small dwelling in Mum's home town. He already had the then equivalent of ILR and they were both in their 30s. Dad was only two months older than Mum.

They were married three months after the engagement and had 52 yrs of married life. However, Mum informed me that she would never have considered marrying him had he expected her to live in his country and that she had to knock the misogyny out of him when they married.

According to her, when I was born a year after they married he became a changed man - he got a real fright when he nearly lost both of us because of a traumatic birth.

Step away from the computer

now

A lot less heartbreak as well 👍

Forgive me @ Weary, I absolutely love your posts on every thread...., you are a solid rock of sense and experience always.

HOWEVER, on this one I disagree. Forgive me please.

This is no a post war love story.
Its a likely a goddamn long scam taking advantage of a very vulnerable woman.

She needs to delete this user loser now.

Oh, I agree that this one is a scam - totally agree.

I was trying to say that sometimes a relationship between people who haven't known one another that long can work - but I meant to show that the way that it worked out between my parents was totally different from the OP's circumstances.

In all sincerity, thank you for making me clarify my meaning. I am certain that the OP is being scammed.

I get that. I think the risk with posting stories like this on a thread where the op is clearly vulnerable, has been groomed and is not thinking rationally is that they will misinterpret it as an endorsement.

Yabu. He wants a UK passport and access to your bank account. He will have this if you are stupid enough marry him.

My apologies. You're quite right.

Tell him to get that job, and come find you when he's ready to adult. He's not got a job and is supported by his Dad. Not a catch.

We have been holidaying in Tunisia for 18 years have seen this type of things but also met English people who have been married to tunisians for years and it has worked but they had met them in person lots of times.also its not easy for tunisians to get a visa even for a holiday to the UK unless they have lots of money in the bank .we knew someone who was married for 8 years and husband couldn't get uk visa.

As you say you feel foolish and have a feeling that something is wrong, just your gut instinct. Concentrate on your business here.

Have you told your friends and family about this? What do they think of him saying he wants to get married immediately?

Oh God, find a Tunisian already in the UK if this is the case. Going to another country to depend on him ? You mus be mad, have you read about their country, religion etc ? Search deeply ! Don’t be silly. Find another man.

Men get married to foreign nationals too of course @ByZingyMauveReaderbut my experience is in immigration cases, then men know it’s a 2 year deal and are keen to make the most of the ‘benefits’ . Women on the other hand are convinced it’s true love and the are devastated when he bails after getting ILR.