Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

Re-read your posts and take note of all the times you talk about what he thinks and wants... You sound completely passive and this is a terrible foundation for any kind of relationship, even if it wasn't a scam (it very clearly is).

I think it's really important to evaluate your approach to relationships in general - what you want and need are equally valid.

And again, just to be absolutely clear: this guy is a nasty scammer - block him immediately.

It's a scam.
Cut your losses whilst you are able to.
A man contacted me via social media asking about the university that I attended. If I remember correctly, he was Algerian. I was sure that he was going to scam me. My husband said " He's probably genuine and wants advice".
So I exchanged some messages sharing what I knew, advising where he might find employment whilst doing a higher degree.
I felt quite bad that I had assumed the worse.
Then he sent me a message asking if I could provide him with assistance to get to the university. I assumed he meant financial rather than travel advice. I didn't reply. I think I was right all along.

Watch 90 day fiancé. A lot of these people are very genuine. Cant you meet somewhere in between the two of you so it can literally just be a holiday? The marrying straight away thing is mad. But also doesn’t mean he is a con artist.

Please don’t do it sweetheart. I’ve been to Tunisia and for the most part the men were creeps as soon as they saw western women. You would not want to live there trust me. By our standards it’s quite poor and of course he’s going to want to come to the UK. Maybe not at first but that will be his plan. End it now and don’t even think about marriage or especially children with someone like that. There are all sorts of laws that Muslim countries have that we can’t get our heads around. I know kids would be many years in the future if at all but you just never know. As a side note you should read ‘Living with a Fatwa’ - doesn’t apply to Tunisia but from memory it’s the same law if children become part of the picture.

You sound very detached. Why would you even consider anything other than delete and block. He's only here for the visa.

And… no. Women are seen as very much beneath the men in this country and you will be expected to drop your own beliefs and culture. No no and no.

I won't say the other things that everyone else has said. I will say the logical stuff.

First the finances, he isnt supporting himself, so how is he going to support you. Ask yourself why you havent told your family, you said because they would think you are mental, what is this telling you. Yes you are mental to want to marry someone you met once.

You saying 'this is taking up a lot of headspace' it sounds like an inconvenience for you.

Id sack this off.

What are you on?????
give your head a wobble

why on earth would you marry someone you’ve never met?????

are you insane?

Agree it’s a scam. I used to work for immigration and the number of British women taken in was absolutely insane.

@JustCoralGoose Please tell me you haven't sent him any money?

Sadly it’s not just the women.

And they say red flags are not there from the start

My friend had the exact same situation and she flushed him out very quickly by pretending to have financial difficulties.

Every time he called, she mentioned money problems, losing a job and eventually faking bankruptcy. She asked him for financial assistance and he blocked her pretty quickly! 😀 Job done! She suspected he was a scammer but couldn't him prevent him from contacting her continuously.

Try it and then block him.

Would you marry a British man who lives in the UK without meeting him?

He said he doesn’t need my money

Have you asked him for money to get you out of a tricky patch? Tell him your washing machine broke and ask him for £500. See what he says.

He's saying that to keep you interested and then when you're madly in love with him, then he'll ask. It's the long game that he's playing; you're too naive to realise it and that's what he's banking on.

OP one thing we can never fully appreciate in this country - and why these scams work over and over - is how lucky we are to have a British passport and the lengths people will go to to get one. It is very hard to get visas or work rights from many countries like Tunisia. It’s a mega red flag.

You are young and clearly have a lot going for you with your business, you have time to meet someone who lives in this country and not risk losing everything. Is it that you’re too busy so long distance chatting to him seemed to work well?

Aside from the fact that he’s probably a scammer, you sound like you’re not that bothered about him anyway, so I don’t know why you’d ever consider marrying him and moving to Tunisia.

You sound intelligent and reasonable, please don't do yourself an injustice and do as this man wants, you are essentially strangers. No matter how much you write to one another, and he has shown his clear motives already.

course he did. just words

Well he is not going to say he is going to fleece you no one can be this gullible surely

What business are you in?

You were friends first for a long time, if I read your original post properly.
So it's only recently that you have been suckered in, or, he has decided you have taken enough of the bait to be reeled in.
If he is a scammer of some sort, and this is sounding likely, these people are professionals, they are master manipulators and know exactly what to say to get you doubting your own instincts.
He may even be stringing a couple of other people along at the same time as you.
The fact he has already begun to cool off is a clue and a red flag, expect more turmoil in the near future as he continues to get you to doubt your instincts and ignore your gut.
You also mention he doesn't want your money: yet .
He has also got you blaming yourself when he is the professional liar. Another classic tactic
You may want to look at some resources/counselling to debrief, but just know, you still knew enough to come on this board for advice, so at the heart of things you have strength.

Don’t do it

Yeah but you have to ask yourself OP

Why would a man, who has never met me and lives in a different country, want a relationship with me?

I feel awful saying this but you are sounding more and more naive and vulnerable the more you post.