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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

422 replies

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 12:45

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

OP posts:
HeadDeskHeadDesk · 15/03/2026 23:31

The only thing remotely unusual about this is that you are in your twenties, the same as him, and not at least 15 or 20 years older.

PollyBell · 15/03/2026 23:41

TheGander · 15/03/2026 22:16

I think the derogatory “ you need to have your head tested” posts are not helpful. Low self esteem is probably one of the reasons women fall under these men’s spell so let’s try and be constructive, not insulting please.

So basically this reads to me as women don't know there own minds and men are more intelligent than women? how many excuses are made because women don't think?

Maybe giving women a short sharp wake up call and not endless waffle about how hard done by they by their own making may actually make women stand up and think more?

YourShyLion · 15/03/2026 23:59

Don't know if you've ever watched 90 day fiance? There's a lady on it called Rebecca Parrott who married a Tunisian man and it follows her journey. It worked out brilliantly and they're very happy but more often than not, it's a disaster.

Zoflorabore · 16/03/2026 00:25

I’m confused- you say you’ve met him only once but you’ve never been to Tunisia?

Also he’s financially dependent on his dad so how could he support you too? Lastly he’s recently “decided” he wants a relationship with you- do you get a say in it? Sorry for all the questions!

Bertiebiscuit · 16/03/2026 00:43

Is this a wind up? You cannot be serious. No one could possibly be that naive. Have you not heard of romance scams, fishing, come on. He's after a visa and or money. Just ghost and block, you are in shark infested waters 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈

Bertiebiscuit · 16/03/2026 00:58

It isn't possible to "love" someone you have never met. Whatever his scam is, no good will come of it for OP. Frighteningly naive, just asking for trouble.

Bertiebiscuit · 16/03/2026 01:16

On holiday in Cuba i got chatting to a young British woman who was meeting up with her Cuban "fiancee" - she was sponsoring him to come to the UK with her. When I met up with them for a drink he was ridiculously handsome but super creepy - she was definitely somewhat homely but had a good job, own home etc etc. I definitely smelled a rat but what can one do? I stayed in touch with her for a while - he flew back with her, moved in with her, beat her up, stole all her valuables, cleaned her house out and ran off to London, she never heard from him again. No surprises there. Such a common story.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 16/03/2026 02:03

I can’t actually believe this could be real as surely no one is this naive, but just in case…..

block this scammer on all channels. He’s part of a syndicate for sure.

If you have given him your DOB etc. consider he may have already got enough information for an identity takeover and consider changing all your passwords and asking for new credentials such as fresh bank account number etc. Check your credit score, keep a close eye on all your accounts and details. Has he sent you a link to something he thinks you should look at? If so your device might be compromised.

I work in a role where sadly I see the consequences of identity takeover and account compromises on a regular basis. Forget love scams (although they are terrible), device compromises and identity takeovers are worse. I cannot emphasise enough the need to protect yourself at this point.

mrswomblesbusy · 16/03/2026 02:09

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 16/03/2026 02:03

I can’t actually believe this could be real as surely no one is this naive, but just in case…..

block this scammer on all channels. He’s part of a syndicate for sure.

If you have given him your DOB etc. consider he may have already got enough information for an identity takeover and consider changing all your passwords and asking for new credentials such as fresh bank account number etc. Check your credit score, keep a close eye on all your accounts and details. Has he sent you a link to something he thinks you should look at? If so your device might be compromised.

I work in a role where sadly I see the consequences of identity takeover and account compromises on a regular basis. Forget love scams (although they are terrible), device compromises and identity takeovers are worse. I cannot emphasise enough the need to protect yourself at this point.

This is excellent advice.

winterwarmer8274 · 16/03/2026 02:29

"I can’t actually believe this could be real as surely no one is this naive, but just in case….."

If you work in an area where you see the fallout of scams, then surely you have some capacity to understand that people can and do fall for scams like this all the time?

OP - cut him off.

CookingFatCat · 16/03/2026 02:41

Where did you meet him. Maybe some catfishing will help……..

Duvetdayneeded · 16/03/2026 03:42

Sorry but are you stupid. It’s only a matter of time before he asks for money and financially cons you. He’s already emotionally scamming you.

TaggieOharasLostBra · 16/03/2026 03:50

If you moved to Tunisia to marry a man you’ve met once, I think you’d have more things to worry about than your furniture Confused

CocoaTea · 16/03/2026 03:57

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 19:05

I feel I’ve wasted my time and he’s really disappointed in me that I’ve even suggested he might be a scammer in fact he’s already talking about moving somewhere else in Europe and has become a bit colder so that kind of tells me all I need to know and that I’ve wasted my time and energy being invested in this or even considering it. Yes I think somethings not right with me mentally. Objectively, I can see that it is wrong

@JustCoralGoose

”Yes I think somethings not right with me mentally.”

Be kind to yourself. Block this man and focus on your business.

HelenaWaiting · 16/03/2026 04:08

Tell him you're an undischarged bankrupt, your house is about to be repossessed and you don't have a penny - can he help you? I did this with a suspected scammer. Guess what happened?

blueshoes · 16/03/2026 04:26

YerMotherWasAHamster · 15/03/2026 12:50

Jesus.

Jesuswept

Zanatdy · 16/03/2026 04:47

My friend has been married to her DH who is Tunisian for over 20yrs. They met when she went on holiday and he was her taxi driver. Everyone said it wouldn’t work out but they are very happy. Obviously, for every love story like this, there are many that don’t have a happy ending. I would not be marrying this guy.

PollyBell · 16/03/2026 04:51

Zanatdy · 16/03/2026 04:47

My friend has been married to her DH who is Tunisian for over 20yrs. They met when she went on holiday and he was her taxi driver. Everyone said it wouldn’t work out but they are very happy. Obviously, for every love story like this, there are many that don’t have a happy ending. I would not be marrying this guy.

It is perectly normal for couples from different countries to meet and get married, well when women do it is said to be normal when men do it there is a million reasons why it is wrong

this is not that

Highlighta · 16/03/2026 04:56

Did I read that right?

He doesn't want to come to you as he doesn't like the area you live in 😶

NotMeAtAll · 16/03/2026 04:56

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 20:05

He said he doesn’t need my money

He's hardly going to tell you he wants your money before he has you trapped. You need to block him on everything.

Highlighta · 16/03/2026 05:00

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 16/03/2026 02:03

I can’t actually believe this could be real as surely no one is this naive, but just in case…..

block this scammer on all channels. He’s part of a syndicate for sure.

If you have given him your DOB etc. consider he may have already got enough information for an identity takeover and consider changing all your passwords and asking for new credentials such as fresh bank account number etc. Check your credit score, keep a close eye on all your accounts and details. Has he sent you a link to something he thinks you should look at? If so your device might be compromised.

I work in a role where sadly I see the consequences of identity takeover and account compromises on a regular basis. Forget love scams (although they are terrible), device compromises and identity takeovers are worse. I cannot emphasise enough the need to protect yourself at this point.

100%

And he has already tested the waters by showing OP his "IT work" to which she admitted in her post (so probably also to him) that she is knows nothing about...

Hence. Easy target.

amyds2104 · 16/03/2026 05:10

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 20:05

He said he doesn’t need my money

Sorry to be blunt OP but if you married him and he got a visa that’s even better than money 🙈 please don’t

Highlighta · 16/03/2026 05:12

I actually do know someone who was.
My ds friends mum.

She was going through a terrible time with her abusive husband, he took the 3 children and left.
This lady is in the medical industry and is well studied. Certainly not of low intelligence.
She was just in such an awful place mentally that she couldn't see the wood for the trees. Everyone warned her. She didn't want to hear it as he treated her nice, obviously said all the right things etc. etc.

He cleaned her out. She lost her house and everything.

She kept her job thank goodness, and she is getting there slowly now.

It's the vulnerability that the scanners look for. To us it's obvious. But to someone in such a dark place, it's someone there saying the right words at the right times.

Helensushi111 · 16/03/2026 05:15

Having married a Tunisian men, and stayed married for 18 years. Do not do this. They use you, manipulate you, steal and lie. I am now divorced but he refused that so it took 4 years.

Tontostitis · 16/03/2026 05:58

Please talk to to someone in real life who cares about you this is all kinds of wrong and you shouldn't be engaging in any fantasy future this is going to cost you money and has already cost you time stop it now